


Time does not heal all wounds

by skypip



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Niall Horan & Liam Payne Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-07 16:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 47,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skypip/pseuds/skypip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall did a "Ginger Spice" 5 years ago and left One Direction at the height of their fame (although he much prefers the term did a "Robbie Williams")</p><p>Niall maintained a close relationship with Liam but has barely spoken to the others in 5 years and Zayn not at all. </p><p>Liam just wants to fix his friends</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Liam and Niall's date night

**Author's Note:**

> First ever attempt at writing of any kind, all mistakes are mine. Eventual Niall/Zayn but who knows how long it will take to get there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2018

As the last band leaves NJH studios for the day, Niall sighs and looks at the clock, it’s 15 minutes until he is due to meet Liam on the other side of town. He is going to be late (again) but he knows Liam will just sigh and smile at Niall the way he has done almost every week for the last few years.

Liam is the only member of One Direction Niall has kept in contact with since the less than harmonious way he left the band 5 years ago. Niall has changed a great deal in the intervening years but deep down he is still the same carefree person he has always been, but now with the added responsibility of running his own recording studio and production company.

When Niall left One Direction, they carried on as a four piece for a couple of years before “taking a break” which has now lasted 3 years. It is not that Niall goes out of his way to avoid mentions of the other 3 but he doesn’t attempt to keep up to date on their activities either. He threw himself into his work setting up his own studio so much that mentions of his former bandmates/best friends (because despite all that happened Niall likes to think they were in the beginning at least) started to hurt less and turned to almost indifference.

Harry is still tabloid fodder but more like small mentions in the “showbiz” sections than front page grabbing headlines. His boyish charms have waned somewhat and there are always new up and coming people for tabloids to report on.  He knows he and Louis are still close friends, now that their remaining fans are older, the pair are quite happy to be photographed together without worrying how the “Larry Stylinson” shippers will react and dissect their every move. The attacks on Eleanor have reduced somewhat over the years, with even the die-hards admitting that after over 7 years together, her and Louis might not just be a “management” cover up.

Whilst Harry flits from girl to girl, never really settling down, Louis and Eleanor are happily living together (although they have never actually got married yet), Louis has had a few solo projects over the years, mainly presenting rather than singing, but it seems to keep him occupied. Harry fronts an indie band that never seems to actually release anything or play any scheduled gigs but can be seen the odd time around swankier parts of London doing an impromptu set.

Zayn is well… Niall doesn’t dwell on thoughts of Zayn, he doesn’t ever think that will not be too painful for him.

As he pulls up to the restaurant he just thinks of Liam, Niall’s friendship with Liam has endured everything. Liam married Danielle just before the band went on their extended break and is happy playing house husband to Danielle, who after two gorgeous kids started her own dance studio.

Liam and Niall try to get together every week for dinner, Niall always looks forward to it no matter how tiring his week has been, as it combines two of his favourite things – Food and Liam. Niall rushes into the restaurant and heads straight for their usual table, seated away from prying eyes (not that they get much attention anymore but it’s nice to have a secluded booth where they can relax and talk).

“Sorry Li, the last band just wouldn’t shift” Niall says apologetically as he pulls Liam into a crushing hug.

Liam attempts to look annoyed but it comes across more as fond like always, “I thought you had stood me up Nialler” Liam smiles.

“Never” Niall replies, “Not when you are looking so hot tonight”

The blush of Liam’s cheeks comes quickly as expected, “that Danielle’s is a lucky women I can tell you. Running after those sprogs of yours all day seems to be working out for you” Niall adds and Liam just swats his head playfully.

As much as he likes to make Liam blush, Niall has always had a brotherly relationship with Liam. Objectively Niall can say, much to Liam’s embarrassment, that Liam is “Hot”, the years have been kind to Liam, filling out his already fairly impressive physique, but Niall has never felt attracted to Liam, “he’s Liam you know?” when asked by one of his friends if he ever tried to “hit that”

Liam and Niall quickly fall into conversation, Niall asking after the family with Liam proudly telling Niall how well the oldest is doing in nursery and how Danielle’s studio is really starting to take off. Liam asks about the studio and Niall replies as usual it is doing OK, which Liam knows is a huge understatement but lets it slide.

In his rush to hear all the latest gossip from Liam’s life, Niall failed to notice a third setting at the table, Liam had popped to the toilets when Niall noticed. Niall hoped Danielle was joining them as Niall had pestered Liam for ages to get a babysitter one week so he could catch up with Liam’s “better half” as Niall likes to call her, Niall loves his dinners with Liam but when Niall and Danielle get together to share stories of Liam it always turns into a fantastic night for Niall and Danielle but an embarrassing one for Liam.

As Liam returns from the toilet Niall nods at the third place and says excitingly “managed to drag Danni out finally eh!” but Liam all of a sudden looks worried.

Liam gives Niall his best pleading look, mixed with nervousness and replies “Don’t get mad Ni” and Niall instantly thinks the worst. Liam knows Niall better than anyone else these days and knows he can pretty much get on with anyone. If Liam is nervous it must be Louis, Harry or, god forbid, Zayn. Niall recalls seeing a recent picture of Harry and Louis on Holiday so is pretty sure his worst fear is about to be realised.

“Liam, who have you invited tonight?, telling me not to get mad means it is one of 3 other people and I am sure I saw some pap picture of ‘those two’ (its childish but he still quite bear to say Louis and Harry) in the Caribbean, and I know as my best friend there is no way in hell you will have invited _him”_

Liam avoids looking at Niall and sheepishly says “come on Ni, it has been 5 years and you know he is still one of my closest friends. When you left you promised me that I would never have to choose between you”

So, Zayn it is. Niall counts to 10 in his head so he doesn't say something he regrets to his best friend, but it doesn't really help.

“and you never do have to choose Liam, _(although Niall is fairly certain if it came down to it Liam would choose him – but he knows how much it would hurt Liam so would never ask)_ but there are plenty of other fucking hours in the week to meet him, our get-togethers are about me and you, not any of those other tossers I happened to be in a band alongside, Fucking Hell Liam!”

Liam looks stricken, as much as Niall liberally swears like a true Irishman, he never actually swears _at_ Liam. Liam covers Niall's hand on the table with his own to try and calm him down and continues:

“Ni, please try and just have civil conversation, for me”, Liam squeezes Niall's hand for extra emphasis and gives Niall his best puppy dog eyes and earnest expression. It is not fair. Liam knows Niall will do literally anything for him, even this.

“Fine, but if the Twat so much as…” and Niall never gets to finish that tirade as the man in question approaches the table, looking quite frankly terrified and there is no doubt he just heard Niall calling him a twat with venom Niall usually reserves only for vegetarians.

“erm, sorry I am late Li” he says in a quiet voice, “Niall” and nods at the Irishman. “I can just go if..”

“No Zayn” Liam says forcibly, “you know Niall, all bark and no bite. We can have a nice civil meal with 3 old friends, can’t we Niall”

It was not a question, it was an order and Niall just shrugged his shoulders. Niall desperately wanted to shout that Zayn doesn’t know him at all, how could he? Not a single word in 5 years, no attempt at contact, but he doesn’t. This is for Liam he reminds himself. Liam has been there for Niall through everything and never asks for anything in return. Niall looks at Liam, silently trying to say 'This is for you' with his eyes and decides he will make nice.

“Yes of course, Zayn, nice to see you, has been a while. I’ll get us some drinks yeah?”

Zayn seemed to let out the breath he had been holding since he approached the table and answered simply “Thanks, Ni”

Niall bristled at the use of his nickname, only his close friends call him that. 'It is Niall to you' was on the tip of his tongue but even in his quiet rage he knew that seemed rather childish so he let it go.

This was going to be one awkward evening.

 

 


	2. Beginning of the end (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall loved being in One Direction - What on earth would make him leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the time jumps between the present day and the future (this is a future fic) are not too jarring. As a first attempt any feedback would be gratefully received.
> 
> Also I do not hate Louis/Harry despite how I write them :)

Summer 2013 and Niall is having the time of his life. Their world tour is gruelling but Niall is in his element. Performing for thousands almost every night with his 4 best friends, what could be better?

The tour seems to be taking its toll on his bandmates, “where do you get the energy Niall? Its 6 am, go back to sleep, the bus won’t be at the next venue for hours”

“But Louis, look at the scenery, this place is beautiful”

“It looks like any other Highway in _god knows where we are today_ Mid-USA, go back to sleep” Louis says sharply.

Niall knows Louis doesn’t mean to be sharp with him, he can be over dramatic at times,  they are all just tired so he ignores him and carries on staring out the window and eating his (impressively large) breakfast.

“Do you have to eat so loud!” Harry groans, obviously he and Louis have woken up Harry. Niall just grins and gets back to watching the world go by.

 

* * *

 

 

“That was amazing” Niall is still on a high after coming off stage and Liam just ruffles his hair affectionately.

“Yes, Nialler, it was a good one tonight, you were buzzing out there”

“I am so fucking tired, think I might get a lie in tomorrow?” Louis says raising his eyebrows at Niall.

“I shall have something that doesn’t crunch for breakfast tomorrow, how’s that” Niall grins and then laughs. He loves touring.

 

* * *

 

 

Niall loves all his bandmates but he has always been that bit closer to Liam and Zayn. Harry and Louis spend a great deal of time together off stage, although they try these days to keep it low key and Niall gravitated towards Liam and Zayn.

Liam is kind, loyal and spelling aside, is relatively flaw flee in Niall’s eyes. Zayn is funnier than his “bad boy” persona seems to suggest. Yes he smokes, has (too many in Niall’s view) tattoos and likes wearing Leather Jackets but he is secretly a bit of a geek, is fiercely protective of his friends and Niall is a teensy bit in Love with him.

Niall doesn’t really like to define his sexuality “I just like people” he tells Liam when he eventually plucked up the courage to ask Niall his preferences. Niall is smart enough to know that they all need to appear obtainable to their fan-base so girls can doodle “Mrs Niall Horan” in their notebooks, so he would never openly be seen out with a man, but Niall has the band and doesn’t know how the others find time for relationships.

 

* * *

 

 

Niall can spot Zayn on the telephone with a pained expression on his face. Must be talking to Perrie. Niall walks past Zayn, gives his shoulder a quick squeeze to let him know he is there if Zayn needs to talk but he knows he won’t. Zayn is very private when it comes to himself and Perrie.

As Niall knows his little Zayn crush will never go anywhere, he can quite honestly say he loves Perrie. She is good for Zayn and Niall hopes they can work through whatever issues they seem to be having at the moment. Niall has never asked him if the cheating rumours are true, it is really none of his business but secretly he thinks it’s because he may not like the answer and his view of his perfect Zaynie might be shattered somewhat.

“You OK Z”

“Yeah, thanks Nl”

Niall pulls Zayn into an impromptu hug as he thinks Zayn needs it.

“You will sort things out, I know it. You are amazing and she is amazing and that much amazingness can’t be contained” which manages to elicit a small smile from Zayn. “Once back on the same continent, all will be merry in Zerrie land, you will see!”

“Don’t call us Zerrie, it sounds like some sort of clown, but thanks Ni, you’re the best”

“Anytime, and I mean that, even if it’s the middle of the night, but try to avoid mealtimes if possible”

Zayn laughs, the first proper laugh Niall has heard in days and that strange feeling in Niall’s stomach makes itself known again so Niall says “come on, bus will be leaving soon” dragging Zayn off with his arm around his shoulders.

 

* * *

 

 

By Australia even Niall begins to flag but once on stage the band are as energetic as in the first show, fans lapping up the hugs, touches, play-fighting. He and Louis spend more time together larking about on stage, the rumours that Louis didn’t really like Niall are preposterous in Niall’s eyes, no matter what an “insider source” told that magazine. You can’t fake that kind of camaraderie on stage he thinks.

Niall notices the others are tending to withdraw a touch in between shows but thinks nothing of it. Touring is tiring but Niall makes sure he is his usual self to keep everyone spirits up if they like it or not.

 

* * *

 

 

Looking back, the signs were there but Niall did not have an inkling he was starting to get on the others nerves until it was laid bare for all to see in a rather uncomfortable interview.

Niall had had a rather unfortunate accident during the Teenage Kicks portion of their set one night just before leaving America. He was fooling around with Zayn on stage and Zayn accidently shoved him a bit too hard and Niall ended up toppling off the stage, landing on his arm.

Niall laughed it off and managed to complete the show but ended up in A&E afterwards (“They call it the ER here Niall”, Louis says with an eye roll)

“I am sorry Mr Horan but there is no way you will be able to play the guitar for the rest of the tour” the doctor advised grimly.

“Don’t worry Niall, you can just amaze everyone with more of your dancing for those songs instead” Liam said as he hugged Niall, being careful of his new cast.

Zayn was so apologetic despite Niall constantly telling him it’s OK, accidents happen and look how cool the cast is. “Demi signed it Zayn, how cool is that! I am not sure I will ever want to take it off and it’s all thanks to you” he says jovially. Although not quite on Zayn’s level, Niall’s crush on Demi Lovato was genuine and she is definitely more obtainable than his straight bandmate.

 

* * *

 

 

“So guys, your tour is coming to an end shortly, how’s it been” the Australian morning anchor asks the group. The interview was one of many promoting the Australian portion of the tour.

“It has been fantastic, performing for all the fans, we have loved every minute” replies Louis

“Performing with my best mates here on stage makes all the hard work worthwhile” Niall adds

“Aww, Nialler here gets soppier as the tour continues” Harry adds “but he is right, it has been great”

Liam says “We are looking forward to getting home and seeing our families and friends but we wouldn’t swap this experience for the world”

Zayn had been quiet so far so the interviewer asked the next question directly to him

“Zayn, the 5 of you being together 24/7 must take its toll, any disagreements in the band”

“No” Zayn replies easily,” I know people always scoff when we say this but genuinely we love each other and of course there are odd times tiredness can take over and we can be snippy but it’s always forgotten about, we are like a proper family”

“Niall, tell us about your accident, must have been quite upsetting not being able to play the guitar?”

Liam has an unsettling feeling in his stomach, the questions seem to be leading somewhere but for the life of him he has no idea where.

“Yeah, I love playing my guitar on tour but we have an amazing band who are quite happy without me playing along, I am sure they prefer it” he laughs, “but you know, these things happen and I am there to sing and I can still do that.”

“So Zayn, it was an accident, you pushing Niall off the stage?”

“Of course” Zayn scoffs, “we are all protective of our little Nialler here and we were crushed when he got hurt”

Liam definitely did not like where this was going as he could see in the interviewers eyes he was about to spring something, the interview was live so there was nothing he could say.

“Niall, take a look at this video captured after one of your concerts in the USA, recorded on a fans camera phone outside the venue”

The video was very low quality and shaky, the fan was clearly trying to remain hidden far from the two people currently outside the back door of the venue but there was no mistaking Zayn and one of the make-up crew having a smoke and talking outside the venue.

“Hi Zayn, mind if I join you”

“Course not – do you need a light?”

“No, I’m good, I will be ready for you in about 30 minutes for make-up” she says lighting her cigarette. “Just got Niall to do first”

“Good luck with that” scoffs Zayn, “Getting him to sit still for a minute would be a miracle these days”

“Aw come on Zayn, he is just loving being tour, nowt wrong with that, but I have noticed the others moaning about ‘that bloody ball of energy’ the past few shows, are people getting annoyed with him?”

“Yeah, sometimes you just want to chill and he is all ‘Zaynie want to play FIFA? Z let’s get some food!’” Zayn mimics in a frankly terrible Irish accent.

“You all feel like this?”

“Not Liam, obviously, Liam is constantly reminding us that Niall is just trying to keep everyone’s spirits up and that’s why we love him, but Harry and Louis definitely”

Zayn lights another cigarette and continues “and don’t get me started on that fucking guitar. All hours of the day he is practicing or strumming along to the radio. We should never have let him play on the tour, at least he knows more than 3 chords now”

“You should accidently break his fingers or something” she laughs, “that would stop him”

“He would probably try playing with his feet if we let him” he smirks, “but that’s a good idea, I should accidently drop an encyclopaedia on his hand or something”

At this point the fan gasps slightly, turns off the camera and quietly moves away.

 

* * *

 

 

“So Zayn” the interviewer smugly says, "the date on this video is the night before Niall’s ‘accident” adding air quotes to re-enforce his meaning.

“I don’t know what you are trying to suggest” Zayn counters angrily “but...”

“Its OK Zayn”, Niall interjects “If you are trying to suggest Zayn did this to me on purpose” waiving his cast at the presenter, “then you are clearly mental.”

Niall puts his arm around a dejected looking Zayn and continues “it has been a long tour and we have been away from home for a long time and people do get annoyed with each other from time to time – I am sure your co-workers just love you all the time eh?” to which the co-anchor just smirks.

“It was an accident, Zayn was incredibly apologetic and if you care to come see us, which is why we agreed to come on this crappy show - to plug our amazing concert, you will see 5 lads having the time of their lives up there”

“I think this interview is over, don’t you?” Liam adds, “and good luck getting decent guests after this stunt”

Once off air, Zayn hurriedly goes after Niall “Ni, you know I didn’t mean all that on the video, I was just tired and lashed out at you, yeah?”

“I know Zayn, its fine, we are fine. I think we all just need to get home soon”

Zayn hugs Niall and if Niall’s returning of the hug was not quite up to his usual all-encompassing standards, neither of them say it.

“Harry and Louis love you too Niall, they haven’t been slagging you off to all the staff you know, despite what I said on the video”

“Its fine Zayn, honestly, I will see you back on the bus, I just need to call my family as they will have seen this online and I need to let them know all is OK.”

Liam comes and gives Niall a quick hug and kiss on the forehead. Niall tries to not over-think that Harry and Louis didn’t even come to see if he was OK.

 

 


	3. The Favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the future...........

“Here you go lads” Niall said jovially placing the drinks on the table.

Whilst at the bar, Niall had resolved himself to get through tonight as best he can for Liam’s sake. Having a quick short while the pints were being pulled at the bar was strictly for Liam’s sake too, a relaxed Niall will make for a smoother evening.

“So Li, how’s Niall Jnr getting on in Nursery?” Niall thought he would open with a safe topic, despite having already discussed Liam’s oldest before Zayn arrived. Liam looked grateful for the ice breaker.

“ _James_ is fine Niall,thank you very much, just because you insist on calling him Niall Jnr does not make it true."

“Aw but it was at least near the top of the list Li when naming him surely?” and Niall winks at Zayn.

“Obviously Niall, if we have anymore we will definitely think very hard about it” Liam says rolling his eyes, looking at Zayn with a ‘what can you do' expression

Liam is pleased Niall is making an effort, this will work Liam thinks.

Zayn is trying to think of something to add, Liam and Niall clearly have a close relationship and Zayn would give anything to have that kind of friendship with anyone. Liam is his closest friend at the moment or only friend if Zayn was to be honest. Zayn had managed to drive everyone else away over the last couple of years but Liam is stubborn and stuck by him no matter what. He tries but he knows he is hard work, it is not quite the easy camaraderie Liam still has with Niall.

“You are looking well Niall, I kind of miss the blond but still, the years have been kind”

Zayn regrets it the moment he said it as the natural reaction from Niall would have been along the lines of “you too Zayn” but Niall was never a very good liar.

Niall goes for light hearted “I wish I could say the same, but frankly mate you look like crap” but the light hearted intent did not translate well and Zayn looked down at the table.

“I don’t know how much Liam has told you or what you may have read in the papers, but I have had a few ‘problems’ recently – I guess it finally all caught up with me eh?” Zayn’s attempt at light heartiness also did not work and an awkward silence took over.

Niall, never one to think too much before he ploughed in “Liam never mentions you to me to be honest, until tonight he always kept his friendships with the two of us separate”

Liam looked at Zayn “I wasn’t ashamed or anything Z, I just thought...”

“Li, its fine, I understand, I asked you not to say anything to anyone about, you know…”

“And I never pay any attention to what is in the papers Zayn, so really, I have no clue what you have been up to recently”

This was a small Lie, Niall purposely ignored all mentions of Harry and Louis in the papers and had no desire to find out what they were up to. He couldn’t miss the large picture of them smiling away in the Caribbean in the paper today but would never purposely seek out information. Zayn on the other hand, Niall could never help himself and if even half the stories were true, it was a miracle Zayn was still here.

Liam steered the conversation away to more neutral territory, telling them about Danielle’s dance studio and how he thinks it will be in profit soon. More drinks flowed and Niall was starting to feel a tad tipsy and once again thinking he could get through this one evening relatively unscathed

 

* * *

 

 

“So Niall, how is your recording studio going?” Zayn asks, Liam giving him a dirty look and mouthing ‘not now’

“Its great Zayn, thanks, we offer a complete service now, recording and post-production, it is hard work but couldn’t be happier. We have a waiting list 6 months long to record there” he says proudly.

“That’s great Niall, really, I am so made up for you mate” and Niall although he hadn’t talked to Zayn for 5 years could sense the sincerity behind it.

“I would love to go down there sometime?”

“Like for a tour?” Niall responded, he didn’t like where this was going. This meeting was a one-time deal right?

“Yes”, Liam answered cutting off whatever Zayn was about to say. “A tour, right Zayn?”

Zayn and Liam seemed to be having a silent conversation with their eyes and eventually Zayn replied “Yes, a tour, that would be nice, Niall” Zayn looked fairly unamused with Liam and said “Just going out for a smoke, won’t be long” and left the table.

 

* * *

 

 

“So what was tonight about really Liam?”

“What do you mean?”

“I may have used to be blonde but don’t insult my intelligence”

“It’s nothing, I genuinely would like you and Zayn to be able to be in the same room and act at least civil. It is James..’”

“Niall Jnr”

“ _James’_ 5th birthday coming up and I would like my two closest friends to be there”

Niall can see that Liam honestly wants that but he knows there is more to it, but if Liam is pulling out the Children card he knows it’s a discussion for another time.

Zayn chooses that time to return and he obviously has other ideas.

“Just ask him Li, the worst he can say is ‘Fuck Off’”

“Zayn, come on, now is not the time”

“Just ask me, Jesus!” Niall says angrily. “You obviously have ulterior motives for being here Zayn, ask me yourself and stop hiding behind Liam. We all have homes to go to” and Zayn strangely looked down at that “and we are not leaving until you spill”

“Well” Zayn starts nervously “it is about your studio, the record company is allowing me once last chance at putting out a solo record and we (pointing to Liam) were wondering if we could record it at your studio”

“That is it? You want to jump the queue to record at my studio? Hardly what I expected after such a build-up, but OK. _For Liam_ I can shuffle a few things around and get you in next week”

“Thanks Niall, that means a great deal to me, I don’t care if you are doing it for Liam or not, thanks” Zayn replies quietly.

“Erm, Niall there is something else” Liam adds. “About the fees…”

“I am sure I can give you mates rates Liam, as I said we are doing really well so it is not a problem” Niall thinks he is being very grown up about all of this. If Liam wants this for Zayn, he can sort it.

“We were thinking more along the lines of free….”

“What! Come on Liam, that is taking the piss don’t you think? I bump actual paying customers and potentially damage my reputation for some vanity last throw of the dice project for _him_!”

“Its fine Liam, leave it” Zayn adds quietly. “You were right Liam, I should not have asked”

“When I left the band, I signed over all the rights to any future earnings to the rest of you, you are all millionaires many times over. You are trying to tell me you cannot afford this Zayn?”

“Niall, I can’t even afford to pay for this fucking meal! I have literally nothing! Liam bought these cigarettes for me, Liam is paying for my food tonight” and Niall can tell it is hard for Zayn to admit that and strangely Niall finds it hard to hear.

“The label will distribute the record on the condition it costs them nothing in recording and production. ‘Big time boybander like you Zayn can finance it yourself’ they said” Zayn takes a large gulp of his beer and then remains quiet.

“I offered to loan him the money but he won’t take it” Liam adds

“I still have an ounce of pride Liam, just hear me out Niall, Please! As to why I have not a penny to my name is a long and painful story and I promise I will tell you one day, but not tonight”

Niall just waives his hand for Zayn to continue, not trusting his voice at the moment.

“I will use the studio at night, once your paying customers have finished. I will give you a huge cut of any earnings on the record once it has been released, I am not asking for something for nothing but just a little faith that I can put out a good record, recorded and produced in the best studio in the UK”

“You want us to produce it as well Zayn, you don’t ask for much do you? How did you last record do Zayn, number 73 was it?” It was a low blow and Niall didn’t really feel any better for saying it.

“I deserve that, I know, but please Niall, you are literally my last hope”

“I will name my next child Niall Jnr if it helps?” Liam adds trying to lighten the mood

“Not really Liam, Danielle told me she made you get the snip after the last one”

“This is why I do not like you and Danielle together!” Liam pouts and the tension has been successfully dissipated.

“At least think about it Ni, please?”

“Fine, I will think about it, but not tonight. The both of you have put me in an awkward position, especially you Liam, using our friendship against me after what he did”

“Niall” Zayn says quietly “It wasn’t just me you know? Liam has told me you have spoken to Louis and Harry since you left the band but never once me. Why do I get all the blame” and Zayn looks close to breaking down.

“Because I expected more from you Zayn” Niall replies quietly, “I trusted you completely and you just stabbed me in the back without a second thought, it might not be fair but I stopped caring some time ago what the other two did, I am not sure I ever can forgive you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be back to 2013 and what made Niall Leave (The hand incident was just laying the groundwork)


	4. Beginning of the End (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Future Niall thinks and past Niall spills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, picks up immediately after the restaurant then back to 2013 we go.....

_“It wasn’t just me you know? Liam has told me you have spoken to Louis and Harry since you left the band but never once me. Why do I get all the blame?” and Zayn looks close to breaking down._

_“Because I expected more from you Zayn” Niall replies quietly, “I trusted you completely and you just stabbed me in the back without a second thought, it might not be fair but I stopped caring some time ago what the other two did, I am not sure I ever can forgive you”_

* * *

 

Zayn is right of course, in the taxi home (as Niall ended up drinking far too much to drive) he knows it was the three of them that resulted in Niall leaving. Working in the record industry, Niall had met Louis and Harry on several occasions since. He wouldn’t say he talked to them as such but he said a polite hello to them whenever they crossed paths.

If Zayn was due to be at any event Niall was scheduled to attend, Niall always pulled out at the last minute. His well-constructed façade of indifference to the goings on of his old bandmate wouldn’t be so easy to maintain in person. Why take the chance when nothing good could come from it, it took him a long time to craft his new identity as a hotshot producer and build up his studio. Why get drawn back in with someone who will only end up hurting him again.

 

* * *

 

**Autumn (Fall) 2013**

 

“Zaynie!! I have so missed you!”

“Niall, the tour ended two weeks ago, you literally saw me 24/7 for months, you can’t possibly have missed me that much in two weeks

“Well I did you fucker, come here!” and he crushes Zayn with a hug and Zayn just laughs.

“I see you two have started drinking without me then” Zayn says raising an eyebrow at Liam.

“Well Niall here was very persuasive”

“When are the other two getting here?”

“Miserable fuckers have cried off, Louis is out with Eleanor and Harry is with his hipster mates, we will just have to drink their share”

On the last day of the tour, they all decided to meet up the weekend before the recording of the next album started to just let their hair down before the hard work started. That gave them a two week break back with their families.

“No drinking after tonight remember Niall” Zayn says fondly, “Have to have our voices in top shape for recording”

“Your voice always sounds amazing Zayn”

“Cut him off Liam, he has gone to the sappy stage already!”

“Don’t you dare Liam”, Niall replied with a smile. “I might not be able to take you down with those Fireman Arms of yours, but I became _very_ friendly with the hot drummer from the band on tour, he could totally take you down if I asked him”

Zayn was taken aback, what did Niall mean by _Very_ friendly? His tone seem to suggest something more than friendly chats.

Zayn recovers. “You mean Josh? The incredibly short drummer? I am not sure he could take Liam Ni”

“Oh he could” Niall replies with a gleam in his eye, “you should see what those arms can do when..”

“Niall” Liam says warningly

“Li, it’s just Zayn, he won’t say anything”

Zayn is now certain he has missed something.

“Josh and I had a bit of ‘thing’ on tour. Nothing serious, comfort whilst on the road kind of thing. He may be short but he is very strong I can tell you” Niall says winking suggestively.

“I didn’t know you were Gay Niall, all this time together and you never mentioned it?” Zayn’s tone was part shocked put a large part disapproving. Niall looked crestfallen, Zayn continued “and Liam knew?”

“Liam asked me one day and I replied honestly. I like people, I wouldn’t say I was Gay but I am not totally straight either”

“If this got out Niall, it could be the end of us you know”

“Don’t be so melodramatic Zayn” Liam adds, “it is 2013 not the stone age. And Niall is not talking about professing his undying love for our drummer, are you Niall?”

“Of course not! I didn’t tell you Zayn because honestly I didn’t think it was a big deal (although in the back of his mind his not so small crush on his bandmate may have factored in) but obviously I was right not to say anything if this is how you react”

“No, Niall come on, I am sorry” Zayn grabs Niall and hugs him tightly. “I love you no matter what, you know that right?”

“Sure” Niall says but lacking conviction

“Look, I have some catching up to do on the drinking front, us three Amigos are going to get blind drunk and you can tell me all about the short drummer”

“Hot drummer Zayn” Niall laughs, a bit more at ease. “We refer to him as the hot drummer”

“OK, you tell me all about the short hot drummer whilst we drink ourselves stupid”

Liam looked at his two bandmates fondly, currently wrestling on the floor for the last slice of Pizza and he thought things will all work out. Sure he was worried about Zayn’s reaction, he knew Zayn would instantly think of the ramifications for the band if it ever got out but Niall was careful. They would be fine.


	5. Beginning of the End (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things spiral out of control in the recording studio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still back in 2013.........
> 
> Louis is obviously OOC for this story, but every story needs a villain........

**Autumn 2013**

Niall loves being in the recording studio. The whole process fascinates him and he spends all his free time with the sound engineers, asking questions, learning how everything works. All the engineers love him so they don’t mind at all, his enthusiasm for the work they do is infectious and they can’t help but share their tricks of the trade at every opportunity.

“Niall! Stop twiddling with all the knobs and come over here!” Zayn shouts, Niall just grins back at him.

It is two weeks into the process and the boys have still not decided which songs to record for their new album.

“All I am saying is we need to have an older, more mature sound for this album, the songs Niall likes are pure pop, like the previous albums, we can’t put out just more of the same”

“Am I am not saying that at all Louis, all I am saying is we shouldn’t alienate our fanbase, yes include some more ‘mature’songs but we should also include songs for our actual fans, not these mythical older fans who will suddenly flock to us if we put a bloody oboe on a track”

“I agree with Niall”

“Of course you do Liam” scoffs Harry “big shocker there”

“Look” Louis continues “our fanbase is growing up, we need to move with them or this time next year we will be irrelevant”

“We need to be more of a manband, less boyband” drawls Harry

“Like the Wanted” Niall adds

“Don’t be ridiculous” Harry responds

“They call themselves a manband so you want us to be like them?” Niall knows he is being obnoxious but the direction Harry and Louis want to take them in would be a disaster. “You cannot go from a boyband to a manband overnight. Take That are an exception to the rule and it took them years away to get to that point. We need to stick to our strengths and put out good pop songs and not try to be something we are not”

Zayn had been very quiet up to this point, he loves the band but they all know it is really not his kind of music. “I think we need a slightly older sound, Louis and Harry are right Niall, we can’t just do the same old thing. We will be supporting this album well into our twenties and can’t just jump around on stage like fools all the time. How about we rework some of the pop tracks with a bit more of a guitar driven sound”

At this point Liam could reach over and kiss Zayn, he knows exactly what he is doing, tempting Niall with more Guitar tracks and placating Louis and Harry with a more mature sound.

“That sounds like a good idea” Niall admits

“Of course it does, more bloody guitar for Niall” Louis mutters but not loud enough for Niall to hear.

“And we can add a few different types of tracks to test how they do? Maybe some R&B?” Zayn says hopefully.

“I am with Zayn, a mixture of good pop songs that are more guitar driven and some other styles out of our usual comfort zone to see how they play with a more mature crowd”  This is more than Liam had said in the past two weeks combined and once again he felt they were moving forward as a band.

“Well with that settled I will get us all something to eat, I am starving, Liam will you give me a hand?”

“Sure Niall” Liam replies and they leave Harry, Louis and Zayn in the studio.

 

* * *

 

 

“Thank fuck, that was smart Zayn tricking Niall into agreeing with our selections”

“I didn’t trick him Louis, I honestly think that’s the best way forward”

Louis continues “He seriously gets on my last nerve, I thought a break after the tour would help but it hasn’t at all, Liam always sides with him”

“To be fair Louis, Harry always sides with you”

“But Zayn, I am right, it’s different!

“Sure Louis, but lay off Niall yeah? He is just sticking up for what he thinks is best for all of us”

“What is best for all of us would be if he left, how can we ever be taken seriously as a more mature band with the cherub faced Irishman popping up to talk about farts and food”

“Louis” Harry warns, “You are going too far”

“Am I really? It’s fairly easy to reinvent ourselves after a change like that – losing a member I mean. Look at the Spice Girls, when Geri left the third album was a much more mature sound, more R&B, right Zayn?”

“It also sold a fraction of the first two Louis”, Zayn replied “Not a good example”

“It’s a shame you didn’t shove him a bit harder off that stage in America”

“Fuck Off Louis! You know how bad I feel about that, it was an accident”

“Sure Zayn, whatever you say”

“Anyhow, Niall is not some innocent little cherub, bet you didn’t know he was fucking the drummer the whole tour eh?”

“What!” Louis and Harry replied simultaneously. “You are fucking kidding me” Harry adds. “I get shit for Taylor Fucking Swift and he is banging the short arse drummer”

“Hot drummer”

“What?”

“Niall prefers the term Hot Drummer”

“Why on earth are we only hearing this now?” Louis adds, “Does Liam know?”

 

“Yes” Zayn replies “and I am only telling you now to show you Niall is not as you think he is. He has grown up a lot over the last couple of years and definitely would fit into any older image we have”

Zayn was worried, Louis looked frankly gleeful at the news. Yes Zayn had broken Niall’s confidence but it was for his own good. They were talking about getting rid of him, Zayn couldn’t have that, he genuinely loved Niall and would never allow that to happen. Niall might be mad at first but he will forgive him. Zayn is sure.

  

* * *

 

 

Niall was feeling depressed, the recording process so far has not been a pleasant experience. Being in the band has always been hard work but always fun. He had the other guys around him and they got through everything together.

The past few weeks in the studio, Louis and Harry have been almost hostile towards him. Thank god he had Liam, Niall was quite capable of standing up for himself but it was comforting to know Liam had his back. Zayn was a different story. He never joined in with Harry and Louis to outright put Niall down but he always remained quiet, not the support Niall would expect from him.

“Zayn, have I done something to upset you?”

“No Niall, course not”

“Then why are you avoiding me? Even now you can’t even look me in the eye”

It is true Zayn had been avoiding Niall as much as he could. After telling Louis and Harry about Josh Zayn was overcome with immense guilt. He was trying to help Niall but he knew deep down he had made things much worse.

“Look Niall, I am just trying not to get involved in whatever power struggle seems to be going on between the other 4 of you. I am trying to be Switzerland”

“I am not asking you to take my side in everything Zayn, I wouldn’t do that, you are your own man and have your own ideas. I am just asking you not to shut me out OK?”

“We have to go, the others are waiting”

 

* * *

 

 

“Right” Louis started, “Final track listing is here, Niall has been added on guitar for the majority of the tracks and the vocal apportionment reworked slightly to accommodate”

Niall was excited, looking down the track listing he could see he was playing for almost all the tracks.

“Thanks guys, this means a lot to me”

“You are welcome Niall, here is the vocal apportionment”

Harry passed out papers with all the lines each of them would sing on the tracks.

“Harry mate, I don’t think you have printed all the pages for mine” Niall said glancing down the sheet.

“We had the producers assign some of your parts to Louis, as you know you will be playing the guitar most of time and you have to be fair Niall, you can’t do everything in the songs”

“But some songs I only have 1 line and others none at all – you all agreed to this?”

“Louis, Zayn and I agreed and that’s the majority, there are 5 of us Niall, you have to compromise”

“Louis wants to sing more and you want to play the guitar more, I thought it would be a good compromise” Zayn added meekly

“Liam, help me out here, am I being unreasonable? On a whole album I have basically one solo in a track that would never in a million years be released as a single!”

“We should take another look guys” Liam adds “Niall is right, he barely sings at all”

Niall was mad, it became clear that offering more guitar to him was a way of shutting him out from the vocals, Niall wasn’t stupid, he knows Liam, Harry and Zayn would always have more parts than he and Louis, but to almost exclude him completely?

“Look Louis, it’s fantastic you are more confident about your vocals now and want to sing more. You do remember the X-Factor where me and Liam had to do most of the solos in the beginning because the rest of you were shit scared? We carried you through that and now because you have decided you actually want to sing I get shut out!”

Louis was becoming more agitated, “Don’t be an arse Niall, what has the X-Factor got to do with anything. That was a long time ago, we have all changed since then”

“You are telling me! This album will practically be a four piece with me just accompanying on guitar, I might as well be in the backing band!”

“I’m sure that wouldn’t be so bad eh Niall, get to spend more time with your Hot Drummer”

Shit, thought Zayn, he wondered when Louis would decide to make Niall aware he knew. Niall was going to kill him. Only Liam, himself and of course Josh knew what transpired on tour, it would be obvious who told him, Zayn was ready for the wrath of Niall but of course Niall had to go and make him feel even worse.

“That fucker, I can’t believe Josh told you” Of course Niall’s first reaction would be to blame Josh. There is no way Zayn or Liam would have told right? “I trusted him, I can’t believe this”

This was the point Zayn should have spoken up, told Niall it was him and he was sorry, just trying to help but he couldn’t quite find his voice. That conversation could come later he thought. Things were tense enough as it was.

“If I didn’t know better Louis, I would think you don’t even want me in the band anymore!”

“Well Niall, you haven’t seemed your happy self recently, you should maybe think if this is still really what you want?”

“You seem angry all the time Niall” Harry added “That’s not like you, maybe you could use a break from the band?”

“Stop being ridiculous” Liam interjected “Niall is not leaving. “Remember when Zayn couldn’t perform with us on the X-Factor, we refused to call ourselves One Direction, as the band is the 5 of us!”

“That was a long time ago Liam, things change, bands evolve” replied Louis

“Zayn, you surely don’t think I should leave, do you?”

“I think you should do what is best” Zayn replied quietly. Now he thinks about it Niall has looked fairly miserable lately, Harry and Louis could be right but this reply was obviously not what Niall had expected from his friend.

“Really Z, you too?”

“Of course I don’t want you to leave Niall, but things haven’t been the best recently between the 5 of us, you are obviously unhappy at the moment and all I am saying is think about what is best for all of us”

Liam had had enough. “I think we should come back tomorrow, with clear heads after a good nights sleep and start recording, putting all this nonsense of Niall leaving behind us, it is academic anyway, our contracts are so tightly written even if Nialler wanted to leave, there is no way he could, so this whole conversation is pointless and frankly very upsetting”

Niall didn’t know how things had got out of hand so quickly, how had a conversation about having more guitar on the album spiralled into 3/5s of the band suggesting he leaves. Niall certainly did not want to leave the band but could he really carry on knowing that only Liam really wanted him to be there? And Zayn, Zayn did not stick up for him at all. Being “Switzerland” as Zayn called it was cowardice, pure and simple.

As usual, Liam had been the voice of reason, he couldn’t leave even if he wanted to (which he totally didn’t) but now the seed had been planted he couldn’t help but think it might be best for the future of the band if he did.

 

 

 


	6. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall Leaves One Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter that is set completely in the past......

 

Autumn 2013

 

“Come on guys, we need to get started”

“Erm Louis, Niall isn’t here yet”

“Zayn, Niall is currently at the record company discussing his options” Louis replied.

This was all getting out of hand, “Liam, he won’t quit right?”

“Of course not Zayn, Niall loves the band, it will all work out” Liam hugs Zayn tightly “All bands have a rough patch, I just didn’t expect Ni to be the centre of it”

 

* * *

 

 

A car from the record company was waiting for Niall first thing the next morning. Niall was surprised but in retrospect he should have seen it coming. Louis and Harry obviously told them straight away of the discussions yesterday and they must want reassurance he will toe the line and not try and quit.

“Thanks for coming Niall”

“Well with the car outside my house at 7am I really didn’t have much choice”

“So I believe you want to leave the band. This is of course your decision and we want to support you in whatever you decide”

“I don’t want to leave, yesterday just was a bad day, we will be fine”

 “All we are saying is that you have options, we can invoke the morality clause in your contract and you can leave fairly cleanly, no protracted contract negotiations and the other 4 can carry on without too much fuss”

“Morality clause? What on earth would make you invoke that?”

“Zayn told the others about your little indiscretions with one of the band on tour, of course he will be let go immediately but how we handle your part in this is up to you”

Niall was reeling, it was Zayn? The thought had never crossed his mind for a second. He felt a multitude of emotions all at once. Guilt for immediately blaming Josh and a deep sense of betrayal from Zayn. Niall outright accused Josh yesterday and Zayn had not said a word. Josh is going to lose his job and everything is really fucked up.

Niall regained his composure somewhat, he wasn’t going to take this obvious stitch up.

“Let me get this _straight_ ” he says emphasising ‘Straight’ “Harry can sleep with who he like regardless of age or marital status, Louis can call out single mothers on twitter and Zayn can make a laughing stock of his perfectly sweet girlfriend and you invoke this clause for something that is completely private and never likely to enter the public domain!” He felt bad for bringing Zayn and Perrie into this but Zayn had betrayed him, he was furious.

“If this had been a female crew member would we be having this conversation?”

“Mr Horan...”

“Oh so it’s no longer Niall, I see”

“I would be very careful of what you are trying to imply. The clause is in place for actions that would seriously damage the One Direction brand. Although we may find the actions of the others somewhat distasteful, they do fit in with the other boys’ perceived personalities”

Niall had to stop himself from defending Zayn’s honour, he was not just some cheating scumbag but it was him after all that brought it up.

“We can look past this and you carry on as normal as long as you agree to the band member being released immediately and you never entering in to ‘that’ kind of relationship again”

As Niall had told Liam and Zayn, he doesn’t really identify as gay but can he really commit to never being with another man, if Mr Perfect (who in his head, even in his current fury looked pretty much like Zayn) came along he is just supposed to ignore his feelings?

Niall was weighing up his options in his mind. Reasons to stay in the band:

 

  1. Liam
  2. The Fans
  3. His love of performing



 

Reasons to quit:

 

  1. Zayn
  2. Louis
  3. Harry
  4. Josh being fired and most likely never working as a band drummer again
  5. His mythical Mr Perfect
  6. The obvious way the label finds him disposable “The others can carry on without too much fuss”



 

Niall found the first and last reasons to quit overwhelmingly overpowered all his other thoughts.

 

“So how would this work”

 

“We invoke the morality clause, meaning your current contact is null and void. You sign over the rights to all future earnings from the One Direction holding company to the other 4 and relinquish your right to the name and royalties the band produce”

 

“So that includes money from songs I co-wrote?”

 

“Yes”

 

Niall was beyond pissed. He had enough money to last him several lifetimes over. He was careful with his earnings so far and invested wisely. Now he had made his mind up he just wanted out.

 

“Fine”

 

The label had obviously come prepared for a fight as they looked shocked he was willing to basically forego any future money from the band he helped to build “Excellent”

 

“Your mother is currently in hospital, correct?”

 

“Yes, but for a minor routine procedure, nothing serious, I don’t see what that has got to do with anything”

 

“And you have not told anyone about this?”

 

“Just the lads, who have obviously told you”

 

“Good, the line we were thinking is that due to family issues you need to return to Ireland for the foreseeable future and are not able to take part in the recording on the next album. With reluctance the band and record label have agreed to an extended leave of absence during which the others will carry on as a four piece.”

 

“It makes you sound all so caring” Niall fumed

 

“Do you really want the band to fall apart with nasty rumours of why you quit Niall?”

 

“Of course not, I helped make the band what it is today and for Liam and the fans, I want them to remain successful”

 

“So it is agreed, we will prepare a statement for the press, emphasising you want your privacy and you sign a confidentiality agreement confirming you will not discuss anything related to One Direction to the press”

 

Was this really happening, was it all over? Niall just nodded in agreement

 

“Sentimentality aside, we will come after you for every penny if you break the agreement”

 

“Sentimentality!” Niall scoffed. “What has happened today is hardly what I call looking out for my feelings, it is more obvious than ever that we are a product to you and you find me personally completely replaceable. Do what the fuck you want and I will be glad never to deal with the likes of you again”

 

* * *

 

The lads and the whole crew were waiting for Niall the next morning when he came to say his goodbyes. Niall swore to himself he would walk out with his head held high and be the better man. No feeling sorry for himself, he was Niall Fucking Horan, carefree mofo and this is how he wanted the crew to remember him.

 

 

“Thank you all for coming, I just want to say what an absolute pleasure it has been to work with you all for the last few years. From the stylists who turned a frankly awkward teenager into someone with posters in girls bedrooms. To the all the crew, especially those who brought me food at all hours of the day and the band who were always fantastic”

 

Niall could see Josh out of the corner of his eye looking distraught, Niall had insisted he stay on now that one half of the ‘indiscretion’ was leaving the band. Niall knew his little goodbye speech would be leaked to the press so even though it was Liam he really was going to miss, the 5 of them were close once he was sure, they all loved him at one point and he doesn’t know how it came to this so he continued:

 

“And finally to the other 4 lads who have been like brothers to me, I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them”

 

Even Louis looked slightly regretful and Harry was now actually crying. Liam stood next to Niall as support with his arm around him. Zayn didn’t even show up for the goodbyes. Now as strong as Niall was trying to be, that hurt him the most. He couldn’t even make an effort to say goodbye, but for the good of the band Niall told one final lie:

 

“Zayn wished desperately to be here, he called me this morning to wish me all the best and we will be meeting up to say our goodbyes in private soon but he is deathly sick today and vomiting during my goodbye speech wouldn’t have been the best send-off” to which the crew all chuckled.

 

Liam just hugged Niall tightly. Liam had spent all night trying to convince Zayn to come along today to no avail.

 

* * *

 

 

**Previous Night**

 

“I just can’t Liam, Niall hates me and I don’t think I could take him looking at me like that”

 

“Niall could never hate you Zayn, he is mad with you at the moment but it will pass. He loves you Zayn but not even turning up to say goodbye that will crush him”

 

“No Liam, I can’t do it OK? This is all my fault and I can’t face him”

 

“It is hardly all your fault Zayn and Niall knows that. I genuinely believe if you called him now and asked him to stay he would forget all this nonsense”

 

“I think you over estimate my worth to Niall Liam, we know he loves you the best and if you can’t convince him”

 

“God you are an idiot sometimes, yes Niall loves me but he is _In Love_ with you”

 

“Fuck Liam, what did you go and tell me that for? What am I supposed to say ‘Hey Niall, I know you are in Love with me but I am straight and nothing will ever happen but please stay in the band!”

 

“No Zayn, I told you because I know he will listen to you. He knows that his feelings will never be returned in that way. Having you as a best mate is all he wants and is enough for him”

 

“No, Liam, I can’t do it”

 

“I would never have thought you were such a fucking coward Zayn Malik”

 

“I am sorry Li”

 

Liam knows he has failed. Tomorrow Niall will leave and he doesn’t see how things will ever be good between them all again

 

* * *

 

PRESS RELEASE

 

One Direction would like to announce that due to unfortunate family circumstances, Niall Horan will be taking an immediate extended break from the band.

 

Louis, Harry, Zayn and Liam wish all the best for Niall and fully support his decision to return to Ireland to take care of his family and not participate in the recording of their third album.

 

With the absence of Niall, the band will spend some extra time reworking the album to make the next One Direction album their best yet. Niall would like all the fans and press to respect his privacy at this trying time and will not be giving any interviews.

 

It is unlikely that Niall will be returning to the band in the near future but he will always be part of the One Direction Family

 

 

* * *

 

 

As Niall read the press release he was amazed that it never actually said the words Leaving or Left – too negative the label said. Niall argued that it seemed to suggest he could return and that was clearly not the case. Speculation would be good press they answered.

 

It had been the most trying day of his short life so far, Niall sent Liam a quick text to wish him goodnight and let him know he was OK and then deactivated his twitter.

 

 He was now officially just Niall Horan: unemployed.


	7. New beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall decides what to do with a little help from Liam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working our way back up to the present (future)
> 
> I have come to the conclusion this writing malarkey is difficult but will persevere.
> 
> Disclaimer: I really have nothing against Oboes

**Spring 2014**

_Six Months after Niall Left the band_

Niall had had enough of wallowing back home in Ireland and was currently in a plane over the Irish Sea, heading for London.

Although it was a huge embellishment of the truth, being able to take care of his mum when she left hospital was fantastic for Niall.

“Niall love, stop fussing. It was a routine completely harmless lump extraction, you think I was made of glass”

“So you don’t want this cup of tea then…..”

“Give it here and go and find something productive to do, call Sean or Liam or something”

“Fine” Niall sighs dramatically “So I can cross off nursing from my potential occupations then”

“Oh Niall, inspiration will strike you Love, as much as I love having you home, it is definitely time to get back out there”

And this is how Niall found himself en route to London. Liam was ecstatic that Niall was returning to London. Liam had insisted on meeting him off the plane but Niall refused.

“Li, you are a quarter of the biggest boyband on the planet, you can’t just turn up at airports and not expect a commotion, I can manage to get myself home from the airport”

Liam seemed to accept this but as Niall walked through the arrivals lounge he saw Liam in really the worst disguise he had ever seen. Liam was wearing what looked to be Zayn’s glasses and Harry’s beanie, trying to blend in, luckily no one was paying too much attention because honestly, Niall recognised him in seconds.

“I told you not to come” Niall laughs pulling Liam into a hug.

“Well us famous boybanders do what we like, it’s great to see you”

“You too Liam”

“You hungry?”

“Liam, you surely haven’t became stupider in the last six months have you? Of course I am hungry, lead on”

Liam took Niall to a quiet pub/restaurant situated almost exactly equal distance between the two of their London homes. It wasn’t flashy or anyplace you would expect a celebrity to frequent but it was nice. Most of the seating consisted of booths so a good deal of privacy was afforded and Niall instantly took a liking to the place.

“This place is great Li”

“Yeah? Thought you might like it. I thought we could make this a regular thing you know? When I am not doing work stuff obviously”

Liam made it sound as if he had some 9-5 job instead of being in the world’s biggest boyband. Niall appreciated the sentiment.

“Liam, I know how busy you are but thanks”

“No, I mean it Niall, whenever I can we meet up here. You can’t get rid of me by quitting the band you know”

“I know, Li, thanks. You must be pretty busy though with the album about to launch”

Liam pulled a face. He wasn’t really supposed to discuss the band with Niall but he really needed his mate to talk to. “It’s being pushed back another few months, it is not really coming together as well as expected”

Niall was surprised, he felt bad for Liam but he was only human and couldn’t help feel a little happy things had not just been smooth sailing without him. Liam passed on best wishes from the crew and the band “Josh says to give you a big hug” and Niall smiled at that. Although he never was in contact with anyone else from the One Direction “machine”, Niall often thought about contacting Josh, making sure he was OK but bar Liam, he really wanted a clean break.

“The others aren’t giving him any shit I hope”

“Louis and Harry are actually nice to him”

Niall laughs at that “Probably grateful to him and his band killing penis”

Liam turned a rather deep shade of crimson at this and steered the conversation away from anatomy.

“Zayn is the only one who really treats him differently. He won’t even talk to him. He is all ‘tell the drummer he was too fast’, will never actually talk to Josh directly. He misses you, you know?”

“Well Josh is a sweet guy, so I am not surprised”

“Come on Niall, you know I was talking about Zayn”

“So what’s the problem with the album?” An obvious change of topic but Liam let it slide.

“Well it took ages to find a decent oboe player!” and Niall just gave one of his full head tilted back laughs and settled into conversation with Liam.

 

* * *

 

**Summer 2014**

One Direction’s new album had finally been released to a rather muted reception. It was not that is was a bad album, it just really wasn’t them

Remarkably similar to the Wanted’s last EP one review said much to Niall’s delight and then he immediately felt bad because this was still his band really, he had helped write some of these songs although they had been reworked countless times to the point he hardly recognised them.

 

“Sorry I am late Niall, promotion stuff you know?”

“It’s fine Li, good to see you” It had been nine months since Niall had left the band and three since he returned to London. Liam and Niall met as often as Liam’s schedule allowed but this was not all that often.

“Congratulations on the album launch Liam”

“Thanks, thought for a while it would never get out there, management said it is doing well, slower start than the previous two but they think it will have legs”

Niall honestly did hope so.

“So Ni, I have heard nothing but album this, album that for months, tell me what is going on in your life?”

“Well, I have been incredibly busy. I go to Tesco’s twice weekly, the gym once a week and watched the whole series of Lost back to back”

“That actually sounds quite nice”

“No Liam, it really isn’t”

“So what do you want to actually do? You are still young, loaded and the world is your Oyster”

“Well singing is out of the question due to my bloody exit contract. I don’t know what else I am good at?”

“OK, apart from singing, what part of the being in the band did you enjoy most?”

“I guess it was recording the first two albums, I loved the studio, the production side of things”

“So there we are, that’s what you should do”

“I am not sure anyone will hire me with no experience Li?”

“You are Niall Fucking Horan as you like to remind me. You have tons of money and enthusiasm to go with it, start your own bloody studio”

And this was how NJH studios were started.


	8. Empire Building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall finds a building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of filler but needed to set the scene for future chapters.

 

**Summer 2014**

“Sorry I am late Ni, I …”

Niall seems very excited about something and cuts Liam off with a wave of his hand “Yes, yes, Liam, important manband business” 

“I’ll grab some drinks”

“No, we are not staying, come with me”

 

* * *

 

 

Niall drives them to a secluded part of North London, pulling into an old industrial estate long since abandoned. The site is huge but very run down.

“Isn’t it perfect Liam?”

“For the set of a Batman film yes Niall, but for anything else, not really”

“You have no imagination, pfft, for my studio!”

“Oh, I suppose with a lick of paint or two, maybe?” he says still not really sure it is the right place for Niall’s project. It looks like some kind of lair for the Joker or something. Very grim.

“Just use your imagination, the main building will be the studio. The plan is to have the recording studios on the ground floor and a little living space above each studio where the bands can relax or crash for the night if recording goes on late”

“That…is a great idea Niall”

“Thanks” Niall blushes “And this building over here I will renovate completely into my house so I am always near my little empire”

Liam is not so sure that living so close is a good idea but Niall is beaming and bouncing up and down so he keeps the thought to himself. “Really Ni, it’s fantastic, secluded enough so bands won’t get hassled coming to and fro and near enough to Central London to attract people, however did you find it?”

“I managed to find time in my immensely busy schedule to scour London for just the right place. It’s not cheap due to the size but the potential is enormous”

“I am so happy for you Niall, what about sound engineers?”

“Funny you should mention that, I may or may not have offered the guys who did One Direction’s album lots of money to ditch the Cowell Empire and come and work for me once we are up and running. They are the best and I want this place to have the reputation from the outset as being THE place to record”

“I am sure you really didn’t have to throw money at them Niall, they all loved you, plus Simon will be pissed”

“I know right!”

“So what are you going to call this little empire of yours?”

“NJH studios, NH for me obviously and the J for your middle name Liam”

“J is also your middle initial Niall”

“Pfft, Liam, you ruin everything” he says laughing. “I’ll be attracting all the big name bands in no time – you know, like The Wanted”

Liam just laughs at his friend and for the first time he is slightly jealous of Niall. It all honestly sounds like a great deal of hard work but also sounds amazing. Just settling in one place, a place to call a home would be great Liam thinks. He suddenly misses Danielle very much and thinks he would quite like to put down roots. Danielle is on the X-Factor tour at the moment and he plans to have a good chat with her when it is finished.

“Earth to Liam! Lost you there for a minute mate”

“Sorry, just thinking, I am so happy for you Niall. You know I would have supported you whatever the decision, but leaving when you did, it seems like the smartest thing you have ever done”

“Li, are things OK? I know you can’t really go into details with me about band stuff, but you know I am here for you right?

“Of course Niall” he says hugging his friend “now let’s get out of here before some badass Batman villain takes up residence in your frankly scary looking building”


	9. Big Day - Not so big reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The (not as big as expected) reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer Chapter to move things along...

**Winter 2014**

Liam waited at their usual table nervously. Niall was late, Niall was never late for their ‘Date Nights’ as Danielle liked to call them. This didn’t help Liam’s nerves and he was on his third drink by the time Niall rushed in.

“Liam, I am so sorry I am late”

“It’s fine Niall, although it makes a change for me not to be saying that to you. Studio stuff?”

“Yeah, problems with the contractors but it’s all sorted, opening is back on schedule for next month”

“That’s great Niall”

“I will get us some drinks, although I see you have started without me” Niall says winking at Liam.

 

* * *

 

 

“So spill” Niall says putting the drinks on the table. “You look frankly terrified Liam and you usually don’t drink this much on a school night, don’t you have a concert tomorrow?”

“Yes, but not until later, it has been changed to a more intimate venue so we don’t need to start setting up until later”

Niall knows ‘Intimate’ is code for smaller. He has seen the newspaper articles on the lower than expected ticket sales for their UK tour supporting the third album, but doesn’t comment.

“So…I have asked Danielle to marry me”

“Holy Fuck Liam! That is fantastic mate! Congratulations! – Wait, she did say yes right, because…oh shit Liam sorry!, that’s why you look so un-Liam like tonight”

“No, No, she said yes Niall”

“Thank Fuck!”

“It is just...” Liam nervously takes another drink “I obviously want you to be part of the Wedding but the other 3 will..”

Niall cuts him off, “Liam, I don’t give a crap if Simon fucking Cowell himself is there. I can make nice with the other guys for one day – This is your and Danielle’s day Liam.  I can’t wait”

Liam relaxed considerably, he should have had more faith in his friend, when has Niall ever let him down?

“So how long do I have to prepare for our little band reunion?”

“We are getting married next month”

“Christ Li, what’s the hurry? You haven’t gone and knocked her up have you” he says jokingly.

Liam looks as if he is about to cry.

“Shit, Liam, really?” Liam just nods “I am going to be an Uncle! Uncle Niall!”

“Honestly Ni, I am terrified. Bringing a baby into the madness that is my life at the moment and god knows how the fans will react to the wedding”

“Nothing compared to how they will react when they find out about the baby Liam, but fuck em. This is the best news ever, we need to get blind drunk right now, I am sure you can do your ‘intimate venue’ tomorrow with a hangover”

“OK Niall, get some more drinks in”

“You are totally naming the sprog after me – even if it’s a girl. Niall Jnr, has a certain ring to it”

“I will seriously think about it, promise Niall” Liam laughs, relaxing for the first time in days.

 

* * *

 

 

Niall is getting himself ready for Liam’s wedding and a sudden sense of dread comes over him. The studio is now open and Niall had thrown himself headfirst into his work and had little time to contemplate what the wedding really meant. He was going to be in the same room as his old bandmates for the first time and not only that, had promised Liam he would be at least civil. Niall was not going to spoil Liam’s big day, he could do this.

Andy is Liam’s best man, Niall had never really taken to Andy, something about him just didn’t sit right with Niall but he was Liam’s oldest friend so he would deal. “Oldest isn’t always bestest” Niall told Liam, but honestly he was glad. With the opening of the studio there is no way he could help organise what the tabloids were calling “The Wedding of the Year”

Liam had sent over a tux for him to wear for the wedding as all of his bandmates, both present and past were going to be wearing matching suits. Niall didn’t let his mind wonder to Zayn very often but from a purely objective perspective, he is quite sure Zayn will look fantastic in the outfits Danielle and Liam had chosen for the 4 of them. ‘It is just one day’ he repeats over and over, ‘You can do this Niall!’ he tells himself.

If he is honest, it is really only seeing Zayn that is causing his stomach to turn in knots. He is not sure when over the last year he stopped caring about what Louis and Harry did to him, it might have been when he opened his frankly fucking fantastic recording studio he proudly thinks to himself, but Zayn is another matter.

Keeping himself busy with the studio, he can genuinely say he has no idea how Zayn has been. He remembers seeing a fairly recent picture where Zayn looked ‘tired’ for the want of a better adjective and Niall automatically felt concern for his old bandmate but it was fleeting. Niall had moved on with his life and except for times their paths will cross due to Liam, he intends to keep it that way.

 

* * *

 

 

There are cameras everywhere as Niall arrives at the church. Photographers shout his name, asking him to look towards the camera and he can honestly say he hasn’t missed that part of being famous. With impeccable timing as usual, Harry and Louis happen to arrive outside the church at almost the same time as Niall. Their reunion was going to take place in front of dozens of cameras. Strangely Niall was OK with this, they had all faked smiles for the cameras enough times before, and he can certainly do it again.

“Niall! You look dashing as always” Louis says loudly for the Medias benefit no doubt. Niall didn’t need reminding that the story is he left One Direction on amicable terms with the full support of his bandmates.

“Louis, Harry! How embarrassing, we have all come dressed the same! I must go and change” Niall replies laughing and there it was, first meeting with the gruesome twosome as he had started to refer to them as (despite Liam’s protestations)

“Zayn here yet?” Harry adds

“Not seen him, no” Niall replies “Always late that one, as long as he is here before the bride”

Niall gives Liam a quick thumbs up as he sits in the front row with his old bandmates. Liam is standing at the front of the church, minutes ticking down until Danielle is due to arrive. “Where is Zayn” Liam mouths to the others and they all shrug. Niall was starting to get anxious, he knows Zayn is a lot of things but Zayn loves Liam and would never ditch his wedding. What if something has happened to him?

“Guys, I am worried about Zayn” Niall whispers to Louis and Harry.

“Don’t worry Niall, he will drag himself here eventually, if the state that I saw him in last night is anything to go by, he is probably still in bed”

“He wouldn’t do that to Liam” he hissed back at Louis.

“Sweet, sweet Niall, you know sometimes I miss your idiotic brand of naivety in the band, but it soon passes” he smirks.

Harry has the decency to look at Niall apologetically and whispers “Sorry about that Niall, Louis promised to be on his best behaviour but you know?”

“It’s OK Harry, but thanks” and Niall squeezes his old bandmates hand.

The opening refrain to “Here comes the bride” starts up and Niall thinks Zayn really better be lying in a ditch somewhere and not just passed out after a heavy drinking session. Liam deserves so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for today
> 
> Thoughts on why Zayn missed the big day?


	10. The Wedding Reception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later that same day.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter without Zayn, I promise he will be back soon.
> 
> And I love Little Mix

“….and finally I would like to thank Louis, Harry and Niall for making mine and Danielle’s big day so special. Zayn desperately wanted to be here but the poor lad is very ill in bed and we wish him a speedy recovery”

To Niall it sounded remarkably like the lie he told on the day he left the band to cover for Zayn’s absence. He would need to have a proper conversation with Liam about this….but not today. Today was about celebrating and he fully intended to do so.

“Mr and Mrs Peazer! Come here!” Niall says pulling Liam and Danielle into a huge hug.

“You looked beautiful up there today”

“Thanks Niall!” Danielle replies smiling

“I was actually talking about Liam, but I suppose you looked alright too” he says with a laugh.

“So Danielle, thought any more about the little sprogs name?”

“Shh Niall! We haven’t really told anyone yet. Just our close family, Zayn and you” Liam whispers.

“Oh, not even Andy?” and Niall tried not to look too gleeful, almost certainly failing.

“No, we want to wait until I am a bit further along to tell anyone else” Danielle replies “but Liam insisted on you and Zayn knowing straight away”

Liam was still smiling but once Danielle mentioned Zayn, Niall could see the shift in Liam’s demeanour, the smile no longer quite reached his eyes. “Right almost time for the first dance” Liam said skilfully changing the subject, "I have been practising” he says leaning over to kiss Danielle.

“No jumping around like an eejit the way you do on stage? This I have to see Liam” Niall laughs

 

* * *

 

 

“Niall bloody Horan, how the devil are ya!” Niall hears from behind him with a fairly convincing fake Irish accent.

“Perrie? Bloody hell, didn’t expect to see you here?”

That earned Niall a strange look, “Why, can’t miss our Liam’s wedding”

“But Zayn..”

“Is no longer my concern Niall, we are over”

“What! When?”

“A couple of weeks ago” and Perrie looked genuinely sad. “We haven’t announced it or anything, you know we always tried to keep that part of our lives private, it will eventually come out, I will have that whole shit-storm to deal with, but for now me and the girls are just here for Liam and Danielle.

“Speaking of your bandmates, where are they?”

Perrie points over to the corner of the room where Andy is currently surrounded by the other 3 members of Little Mix. “They are having a competition to see which one of them can make him the most uncomfortable” she laughs “Thinks he is god’s gift that one but my girls will show him”

Niall looks over and he can see Andy is turning a very deep shade of red “I always told Liam, oldest isn’t bestest” he says laughing.

 “It is so good to see you Niall, I have really missed your face” Perrie says grabbing his cheeks. “I know Zayn really misses you too. We may not be together anymore but I genuinely want him to be happy, and he has been pretty fucking miserable since you left the band. I know you couldn’t help it with your mother and all..”

Niall gives her a strange look, surely she knows what really happened? She had been Zayn’s girlfriend ever since he left, until this last two weeks obviously.

Perrie misread his expression “Shit Niall, I am such a dozy cow. I didn’t even ask how she is. I took the fact you had moved back to London to mean she was doing better?”

“You realise that was all bullshit right? A cover up?”

“What! No! Zayn would have said something”

“Harry and Louis basically wanted me out, Zayn did nothing to stop it and in fact ended up giving them the ammunition they needed”

 “There must be some sort of misunderstanding Niall, Zayn loves you to bits. You leaving crushed him. I honestly really tried Niall to keep his spirits up but I could only take so much you know?”

“I know” and Niall did. No one wanted Zayn and Perrie to work out more than Niall. He honestly thought they were great together (Well more she was great for Zayn, she had put up with a lot during the course of their relationship) Niall accepted long ago that there would never be any kind of ‘that’ sort of relationship between Zayn and himself so wanted Zayn and Perrie to be happy.

“He rarely talks about you Niall as I know it’s a hard subject for him, but you should have heard him gushing about this fancy studio of yours. He saw the pictures you sent Liam and Zayn was so proud”

Niall really didn’t quite know what to say. “I am really rather proud of it myself to be honest. After I left, I hadn’t a clue what to do but with a little help from Liam to push me in the right direction, it’s all come together rather well”

“Well we all need a little help sometimes Niall and it just so happens I am also able to help you”

“What do you mean?”

“Wait here a sec – Oi! Girls, stop molesting Andy and get over here!”

“You are so ladylike Perrie” Niall laughs and she just flutters her eyelashes at him. The remainder of Little Mix join them and all take turns hugging Niall and squishing his face.

Jesy is the first to speak “So Niall, I hear you stole all the good sound engineers for that little studio of yours eh?

Leigh-Anne adds in her best damsel in distress voice “My Niall, what is a little girlband like ourselves supposed to do with no decent engineers in Cowells studio?

Jade puts on a simpleton voice and says “Why don’t we just follow the engineers, duh!”

Niall couldn’t believe what he was hearing, surely he was getting the wrong end of the stick because it seemed as if they were suggesting Little Mix uses his studio to make their next album. Sure he had had a few bookings since opening, mainly small indie bands but a band like Little Mix (who had literally just exploded in America) would seriously put him on the map.

Perrie put him out of his misery “I can see the cogs turning in your head Niall” she smiles “we knew you would be here today and we have talked it over between us for the last few weeks and, if you will have us obviously, we would like to use your studio to record the next album. We know all the engineers since you stole them from Cowell”

“Nice one by the way” Jesy interrupts

“And Liam says great things about the venue, so what do you think?”

“I think Fuck Me, I could kiss you all. You have no idea what this will do for my studio”

“We have an inkling but you are welcome. You have always been supportive of us, now we want to return the favour”

When Niall eventually gets home and into bed he just can’t stop smiling. He watched his best mate get married today and took a huge step forward in establishing his studio. Things honestly were great for him. Moments before dropping off to sleep, Zayn wandered into his thoughts. Perrie had said Zayn was proud of him. If this was true why didn’t he make any attempt to contact him and let him know? Niall also thought about how Zayn had let Liam down today. He is fairly certain the sudden illness was a lie.

Niall’s last thoughts on the subject before drifting off to sleep were “Fuck ‘im” Liam was now a married man with a bloody kid on the way. Niall had had his empire to build. Zayn can do what the hell he likes.


	11. ....meanwhile back on the ranch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Zayn has been up to whilst Liam and Niall have their date nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is my attempt to summarise what Zayn has been up to from the time Niall returned to London until just before Liam proposes.
> 
> Struggled with this chapter to be honest and it might very well be terrible....

**Back to Spring 2014**

 

Zayn is bored. Pissed off and bored. Bored and pissed off is not a good combination when it comes to Zayn.

 

“Leeyum” Zayn whines loudly trying to attract the attention of his bandmate in the other room. It is six months since Niall left the band and Zayn has not at all coped very well with the little blondes absence. He knows he is quite lucky that Liam or Perrie haven’t snapped and smacked his head off the nearest dense piece of furniture on several occasions. He has never told Perrie the real reasons Niall left, he stuck with the “official” story that Niall needed to be with his family. Perrie often questioned why Zayn hadn’t gone to Ireland to visit, not even when they had a gig in Dublin. Zayn explained that Niall needed to concentrate on his family and shouldn’t have to put up with the whole circus that would involve a visit from his bandmates. Perrie was sure Niall wouldn’t mind but she always just accepted Zayn’s reasoning and gave him a hug. “You are such a good friend to him Zayn, it’s one of the things I love most about you” I am definitely going to hell he thinks.

“Leeyum!!”

“What Zayn” Liam says as he enters the room.

“I am booored, want to play Fifa or something, watch a movie? I will let you choose?”

“Only because you love the same films I do” he scoffs.

“Not all the same! But I know you will pick Batman or the Avengers so it’s cool” he says smiling.

“I really can’t tonight Zayn, I’m sorry, I am going….erm….out”

“Why are you wearing Harry’s beanie?

“It’s cold out?

“It is the warmest spring on record and you are a shitty liar”

“Can I borrow your glasses?”

“Nice change of subject Liam but sure, if you tell me where you are going”

Liam needed to wrap this conversation up. Niall’s plane would be arriving in an hour and he wants to be there to welcome him back to London.

“Look Zayn, can’t you just accept that I for once don’t want to share details of everything. It’s not as if you tell me what goes on in your life half the time”

Zayn was only playing with Liam but somehow this conversation had taken a turn for the worst very quickly.

“Christ Liam, I was only messing with you. Take the fucking glasses and I couldn’t give a shit where you are going” For the past few months Zayn seems to be able to go from Nought to arsehole in record time “and you look fucking ridiculous, if that is meant to be some sort of lame disguise, you wouldn’t fool a blind idiot”

“Look Zayn, I’m sorry I snapped at you but I really have to go. We’ll talk when I get back yeah?”

“Don’t bother, I suddenly feel like going out, don’t wait up”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn sat in the VIP lounge of the club he had been spending increasing more time in recently. The recording process was wearing him down, the album had been put back again, and the more mature sound they were going for was just not working for them. Every so often he imagines he hears a little ‘I told you so’ in his head (That for some reason had a strong Irish accent)

He had wanted to stay in tonight but again Liam had bailed on him. Zayn just didn’t know what was going on with Liam. There was the incident a few weeks back with that stupid disguise and now he disappears whenever he can to god knows where and always comes back with a huge smile on his face. If he didn’t know Liam better, he would think he was cheating on Danielle, but Zayn knows Liam would never do that. Liam is a stronger person than he is and would never put Danielle through what he did to Perrie. Sure Zayn has learnt his lesson, he swore to Perrie it will never happen again and he means it, but Liam wouldn’t have got into that kind of situation in the first place.

He knows it isn’t fair that he resents Liam for bailing on him. Liam spends as much time with Zayn as he always has, but before Zayn always had Niall to keep him entertained, to stay in and play video games, watch stupid movies and on the rare occasions Zayn really wanted to talk, Niall would be there for him. “Fucked that one right up didn’t I” he thought to himself as he downed another drink.

 

* * *

 

Another visit to the club and Zayn was sitting at his usual table when the club promoter Nigel came sauntering up to him “Zayn hey! Didn’t expect to see you in here tonight. Don’t you have a gig tomorrow?

“Yeah, whatever” Zayn really couldn’t give a shit about the gig tomorrow in the shitty venue supporting the shitty album. Frankly this whole band business was becoming more of a drag each day. Liam springing on him that he is thinking of asking Danielle to marry him didn’t help either. He was over the moon for his mate but couldn’t help but feel sorry for himself. He had barely seen Perrie over the last few months as Little Mix were really starting to gain traction in America. Again he was pleased for her but he couldn’t help think why is it that Liam can be this happy but all he gets is a “Skype Date” every few days. He needed a distraction.

“You look as if you could do with cheering up mate!”

“That obvious?” Zayn replies to Nigel.

“I have just the thing if you are interested?”

“Thanks Nige but no, can’t go back smelling of weed, Liam will look at me with those puppy dog eyes and a disapproving frown. I’m still not sure how he manages both at the same time”

“I think we can do a little better than weed for our favourite little pop star”

“I don’t know Nige, you know I don’t really go for any of that shit”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, it would certainly put that extra something back into your gigs “ he laughs “Make even make them bearable”

Fuck it Zayn thinks, he will try anything once, can’t be a proper popstar without the obligatory drug experimentation.

“This is good stuff though Zayn, not cheap”

“I am not exactly a pauper, I’m good for it”

“Come on then, let’s get you cheered up”

Little did he know that this one foolish decision to ‘try anything once’ would in the long run do the polar opposite of cheer him up. Things were about to get very bad for Zayn.


	12. .....meanwhile back on the Ranch (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn from the time of the proposal to the eve of the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the least streetwise person ever, bear that in mind during the drugs part of our story :)
> 
> Again, hope time jumps are not too confusing. This runs parallel to Liam and Niall's story up to the Eve of the Wedding.

**Winter 2014**

 

“Hey Liam!”

“Ugh, not so loud! Why you so chipper today?”

“No reason, you look like death mate, rough night?”

“I may have drank more than is good for me last night”

“TWO drinks then Liam” Zayn chuckles.

“You are hilarious Malik”

“What was the occasion and why wasn’t I invited” he says smiling.

“Erm….well…I may have told someone about Danielle accepting my proposal” and then added with a whisper “and the B.A.B.Y”

“Ha, knew you wouldn’t be able to keep it all to yourself for too long. You did check them for recording devices first yeah?” Zayn says still smiling.

“Oh, they won’t tell anyone, I trust him. Not one for speaking to the press anyway”

“That rules out Andy then, so spill, who did you tell?”

“Promise you won’t get mad?” Liam says nervously.

“Why the hell would I be mad? Its brilliant news mate, I would be shouting it from the rooftops” Liam doesn’t comment on that as they both know that is obviously not true. Zayn tries to keep his private life as private as possible (although this can be difficult when you are dating another popstar)

“You see, Niall is back from Ireland”

“What! You met up with Niall! Bloody hell Liam, when did he get back from Ireland?”

“About 3 months ago?......”

“Oh, I am surprised you haven’t caught up with him before…” and then the penny dropped “Oh, I am such a fucking idiot. These meetings you have been running off to for the last few months. You have been meeting Niall”

“Yes” Liam replied in a quiet voice.

“That shit with the disguise…”

“Meeting him at the airport”

“Fuck Liam, why didn’t you tell me? Don’t you think I would have liked to know he was back, that he was OK?

“I’m sorry Zayn, but I didn’t think it was my place, you know? If Niall wanted to tell you he could do so himself. You know I was devastated when he left, it has been so good to have him as a friend again even though he can’t be in the band. I didn’t want to spoil it”

“I see, so letting me know he was OK and back in the country would ‘spoil’ your little get-togethers, Well thanks Liam. So much for not taking sides. You are supposed to be my mate too”

“Look Zayn, you have been so…moody… lately and Niall really didn’t want to see you, so I thought it would be best for you if you didn’t know”

“Well thanks Saint Liam of Wolverhampton, lying to my face about where you going was clearly the nicest thing you could do”

“Come on Zayn, that’s not fair” Liam was starting to get upset. This is what he was trying to avoid by keeping his friendships with Niall and Zayn separate. “I was just trying to let Niall settle back, let him figure out what he wants to do with his life since, you know…”

“Since I forced him out of the band you mean”

“No, I don’t mean that at all, stop trying to make everything I say an attack” Tears were prickling at the corners of Liam’s eyes.

“Shit Liam, don’t get upset, I’m sorry yeah? I am sure you thought you were doing the right thing. I am not mad at you really. Just mad at me, that it has come to this, you sneaking behind my back to see someone who was like a brother to me and now hides the fact he is even in the same country”

Zayn pulls Liam into a hug, it takes Liam a minute to relax, to believe Zayn really isn’t mad at him before he returns it.

“Was he excited about your news?”

Liam breaks the hug and answers with the tiniest of smiles “Yeah, was over the moon. Made me get blind drunk with him”

“Sounds like Niall. He is coming to the wedding yeah?”

“Of course, he promised. Says he is looking forward to seeing you”

“That sounds quite hard to believe Liam, did he actually say that? Those exact words?”

“Well, no. He said he will be civil and attempt to hold a conversation, but I could tell”

“Yeah Li, sounds as if he can’t wait to see me” he replies sarcastically.

“I just think, getting you both in the same room, pretending to like each other for the cameras will do wonders. You will be friends again in no time. You haven’t spoke to him in 9 months Zayn, he will remember how much he loves you and it will all work out”

Zayn is sceptical but Liam’s optimism has Zayn thinking. Niall has never been one to hold a grudge. He would like to think he meant enough to Niall that they could get past the things he has done, because when he thinks about it, he didn’t really do anything except tell Louis and Harry about Josh, but deep down he knows that not doing anything is the real reason Niall cannot bear to see him. He didn’t support him, he didn’t go to him to ask him to stay and he not once attempted to contact him once he left.

“You really think we can work this out Li?”

“I honestly do Zayn, Weddings are a wonderful place to just kick back, have a good time and forget any troubles. Except for the groom that is, I will be bricking it all day”

“You know Li, I have a damn good feeling about your wedding day now”

“Hey, you didn’t before!”

“Shut it, you know what I mean” he says smiling. “You are right. We just need to get me and Niall in the same room together and I am sure we can work things out”

 

______________________________________________________

Liam was at his laptop with a huge grin on his face

“Watcya doing Liam?” Zayn says as he enters the dressing room

“Nothing” Liam replies in a high pitched voice.

“Nothing eh Liam?” Zayn says in a teasing voice “Then why are you trying to hide it? Porn in the middle of the day? You are about to be a husband and father, shame on you!” he says ruffling Liam’s hair.

“It’s not porn! Go on, look! I suppose it won’t do any harm”

Zayn opens the laptop “Building porn Liam…well takes all kinds…” Zayn flicks through the photos, the first few are of a very grim looking industrial estate. Looks like it has been derelict for years. The photos show the site gradually being transformed. Outbuildings into a beautiful house, the main buildings into some kind of studio? Zayn really isn’t sure what he is looking at until he comes to the last picture. Niall is standing giving a thumbs up gesture as a sign is raised above the entrance.

“NJH Studios?”

“Yes” Liam says proudly “Niall is opening his own recording studio. The whole place was a dump but it is amazing Zayn. You should see it now”

“Wow, Niall looks so happy in that picture”

“He is, he really is” and Liam is openly smiling now.

Zayn feels a bit overwhelmed himself. Seeing Niall (albeit only in picture form) for the first time in almost a year made his insides twist. So many mixed emotions were coming through. The overwhelming one was pride. Pride in his little Nialler for managing to do this, all out of the public eye and on his own.

“Do you think I could have a copy? I know Perrie will be made up to see them, she is always asking after him?”

“Sure, I know Niall won’t mind her seeing them”

“It’s great Liam, it really is. I am so proud of him”

“This is why I know things will be fine at the wedding. He is in a really good place. He has got his life together and I know once his stubbornness relents – or you get him drunk – you will be on that dance floor at the wedding doing the Macarena together with the best of them”

“The Macarena Liam, really? Who is the DJ and when is he going back to the Nineties”

“Its tradition!”

Zayn was beaming. He was starting to believe Liam. He will tell Niall at the wedding how proud he is of him, they will get drunk together and things will get back to the way they should be.

 

______________________________________________________

 

Zayn was buzzing. Nigel was right, a little chemical help made the shows much more bearable”

“Good one tonight Zayn!” Harry says hugging his mate “You were really on it tonight!”

“Cheers Haz, just in a good mood you know?”

“I’ll have what he’s having” Louis adds as he joins them backstage.

“Ha, things are just, better, got Liam’s wedding coming up. Perrie has promised she can make it back from the US in time”

“Oh, Zerrie sexytimes! I can see why you are excited” laughs Harry “You do realise it’s almost a month away still”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. Will be worth the wait though” he replies winking. “I’m off out now lads, catch you later”

Liam joins them at that point “Going out? Can I come?”

“Me too! Me too!” adds Harry “We haven’t been out together for ages!”

Shit, Zayn should have said he was going home or something. He needed to hit the club to get some more stuff from Nigel. It is not as if he needed it Zayn thought to himself, it just made everything that bit more bearable. It was only Cocaine. Practically everyone does it these days. It’s just a recreational thing like alcohol, it’s not a big deal. Still, he couldn’t have his bandmates with him when going to score drugs.

“Not your kind of scene really lads, you wouldn’t like it. Another time maybe”

Liam and Harry looked disappointed but accepted it. Zayn would make it up to them, take them out next week or something to a nicer place.

 

___________________________________

“Hey Nigel”

“Zayn!, good to see you! Come to settle your bill I hope!” he says only half joking.

“You know I don’t carry cash, can’t exactly put it on the 1D credit card now can I? I’ll bring it next week promise, you know I’m good for it”

“Like the bloody Queen eh? Its lucky I like you, but what can I get you to drink tonight?”

“Sod the drink, I want more stuff”

“You got through the last lot already? Might want to slow down there champ”

“Are you my Doctor now? We have had loads of gigs this week, two a day most days. I can handle it”

“Just be careful, I’m sure some of the dodgy looking guys over there are from the papers”

“I am always careful”

_______________________________________

 

It’s just two weeks until Liam’s wedding. Liam is getting more and more nervous each day. “Li, you have performed at Madison Square Gardens in front of thousands, you can stand at the front of the church and say ‘I do’ in front of your friends and family”

“I know Z, it’s ridiculous, I just want everything to be perfect for Danielle”

“It will, you will have me and the lads to back you up, ALL the lads, what could possibly go wrong?”

“I know, I Know. Worrying over nothing. Thanks Z”

“Now shove off, I have a skype date with my hot girlfriend”

“Which one?” Liam adds cheekily

“Oi, you know I am strictly a one woman man these days”

“I know Z, Love you mate”

“Get out you soppy git”

_________________________

“Hey babe”

“Hey yourself, how’s America treating you?”

“It fantastic Zayn, we are on Ellen tomorrow!” Perrie tells him excitedly. Skype is the only way they can keep in touch at the moment with Little Mix touring America.

“That’s great babe, tell her Hi from us”

“Will do”

“You can still come to the wedding right?

“Of course, me and girls put our foot down. Can’t miss the wedding of the year, especially as I will have the hottest guy in the room as a date”

“I really miss you, you know?”

“I know..” Perrie looks down, not sure if she should say what is on her mind, spoil this little moment of happiness between them.

“What’s up babe?”

“Oh, nothing, ignore me. So what have you been up to?”

“What do you mean” Zayn answered strangely hostile.

“It’s called a conversation starter Zayn, I don’t mean anything by it”

“Bollocks, I can see you are dying to ask me something so go ahead”

“It is just that one of my friends at the label has said there is a picture of you doing the rounds, a photographer is trying to sell it to the highest bidder”

“Whoever it is, its bullshit Perrie, you can’t listen to what some whore says, I promised you I had changed and I have!”

“It’s not of another women Zayn, I trust you, you know that. It’s a photo of you doing a line of coke in some seedy club. The photo is quite blurred and is out of focus enough for the label to deny it is you but…”

“So why then are you bringing it up? It’s obviously not me!”

“But the jacket the guy is wearing, is the one I bought you for Christmas. There were like two made Zayn. Unless the other guy who bought it happens to look incredibly like you and hangs around in the same club you have been hanging at recently. I think it’s a pretty good bet it is you. Just be honest with me, I won’t be mad”

“It’s not fucking me alright!”

“You have been…off…recently”

“How would you know? You are never fucking here! Prancing around the world with your shitty girlband”

“Zayn!”

“So what if it was me, it is no big deal, only a bit of coke”

“Because it is never ‘just a bit’ Zayn. You are an intelligent guy. You know where this kind of thing leads to. Look I am sorry I am not there to support you, we knew it would be hard being apart so much, but I will be back soon and we will work things out”

“Think a lot of yourself don’t you. It’s no big deal. I can do without any time”

“So do without all the time, for me”

“I’m a big boy Perrie, I can do what I like”

“I love you Zayn, but I can’t carry on like this. You just plain lied to my face about the drugs. You fly off the handle for no reason whatsoever over the stupidest things. You don’t take your job seriously anymore if some of the half arsed performances I have seen lately are anything to go by and you obviously don’t respect mine either. I am sorry but….”

Perrie didn’t get to finish as Zayn just shut his laptop and stormed out of the room. Zayn called management, still brimming with rage

“What the fuck do I pay you for? I hear from my girlfriend… well ex fucking-girlfriend now that there is some picture of me doing the rounds! Why haven’t you killed this?”

“Zayn, calm down. It can easily be denied it is you. I am not going to ask you if it is, we are not stupid Zayn, we know everything the four of you do. If you want this to go away you need to pay for it yourself and I am warning you that will not be cheap”

“Thank you very much for your support. Always good to know you have our best interests at heart” he finishes sarcastically before slamming down the phone.


	13. .....meanwhile back on the Ranch (Part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another bleak chapter for Zayn, but will be the last trip to the past for a while.

Zayn stumbled back to the Hotel, it was the day before Liam’s wedding and Zayn has had a shitty two weeks. Splitting from Perrie had taken its toll on Zayn. He just doesn’t understand what made him say those things to her, especially about the band as he knows Perrie is fiercely protective of Little Mix. It is such a mess.

Zayn has spent much of the last two weeks wallowing in self-pity, in contrast to Liam who has been getting more and more excited each day about his imminent nuptials. As well as excitement he was also really nervous and could do with his friend’s support but Zayn couldn’t quite bring himself to be there for Liam. Zayn thought Liam would be better off preparing for such a happy day without his scowling face.

He had waved Liam off this morning as Liam was spending the day with his family. “I’ll see you tomorrow Li, it’s going to be amazing yeah?” he said as Liam hugged him goodbye. He felt such a shitty friend but he would make it up to him tomorrow on the big day.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry entered the room with a cheery “Hey, there you are! Where you been?” that Zayn didn’t bother answering. Harry was really looking forward to the wedding tomorrow, he was even looking forward to seeing Niall ‘ _but don’t tell Louis_ ’ he had whispered conspiratorially to Zayn.  Harry kept trying to engage Zayn in conversation with little success.

“Cheer up Zaynie! Big day tomorrow”

“Yeah Haz, room full of people that hate me, going to be a great day”

“It’s not a room full of people that hate you, only Niall and Perrie…..oh and the other 3 Little Mix girls…….and our publicist doesn’t seem to like you much at the moment……and the label guys are pretty pissed…….” Zayn just looks at him, making it clear he is not helping “but I’m sure that’s not even half a room full” Harry adds cheerfully. “Anyway, fancy watching a film tonight or something?”

“No, I’m going out”

“You seem as if you have already had a bit to drink and it’s barely teatime”

“And….”

“You don’t want to be turning up at the church with a big hangover. For a start its Liam’s big day, I don’t care how much you are feeling sorry for yourself over Perrie but you are not going to spoil it”

“Of course not, I wouldn’t do that to Liam, you know that Harry”

“Hmm……secondly there will be loads of photographers there, don’t want to look shitty in the photos. You know the album isn’t selling as well as the label would like, they think the attention that tomorrow will bring could give it a bit of a push” Zayn knows these are not Harry’s thoughts but still scowls at him. Undeterred Harry continues “and with Niall being there, they think some of our back catalogue might shift a few too”

Zayn was pretty over anything the label wanted at this point. After the incident with the photo, it became clearer than ever that they really couldn’t give a shit about the guys, just the profits. He should have known really after Niall, but up until recently he was an optimist. A very small part of him thought the label was protecting the 4 of them when the Niall problems occurred. Niall wanted them to agree to not stop him dating blokes (hypothetical blokes his brain reminds him) that would have shattered the carefully crafted band image. Maybe I shouldn’t mention that thought when I meet Niall he thinks.

He was both dreading and looking forward to seeing Niall tomorrow. He still has hope that Liam is right and they will be laughing together on the dance floor by the end of the night but he is too wound up at this point. He needs something to make him relax tonight so tomorrow can all go to plan. He tells Harry he will not be too late and leaves for the club.

 

* * *

 

 

On arrival at the club, Nigel seemed surprised to see him “Thought it was the big day tomorrow?”

“So everyone reminds me, got my stuff?

“How can I put this nicely Zayn, I am cutting you off. This little extra service is just to help our patrons relax, we are not in the business of supplying addicts and it appears you my friend have a problem”

“You have got to be kidding me, I am not a fucking addict, is it more cash you want? The huge wad I gave you last week not enough eh?”

“No Zayn, it is not like that at all. As I said before, I like you, quit while you still can. Plus it is not exactly good for business when photos, blurry or not, of people snorting coke in my club surface for the highest bidder. That must have cost you a fair bit to make go away?”

After paying for the photos, negatives and paying off the papers to not print the ‘Zayn Malik, my drugs shame’ story they had ready to go, Zayn was down a huge chunk of his money. He had always been one of the more careful members with his cash, not like Louis, but drugs are not cheap and neither is paying off the papers. Less royalties than expected from the album and tour didn’t help but he was still by no means poor.

“Cost more than this fucking hole of a club is worth” Zayn eventually replied “Fine, don’t want to sort me out then I will go elsewhere”

“I am doing this for your own good, go home, have a good night’s sleep. With our stuff you know it’s good, two bit dealers on the street are not so picky on what they add”

“Trust me to pick a fucking dealer with a conscience, I am out of here”

Zayn left the club and sent his friend Ant a quick text to make sure he was still driving him to the church tomorrow and set about finding a replacement for Nigel. It is London and he has money, shouldn’t be too hard to score.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello?”

“Mr Riach?

“Yes, who is this?” Ant looked at his alarm clock, 2am. Who the hell was calling at 2am?

“I am calling from The Clinic Private Hospital, Harley Street. A Mr Malik was brought here a short time ago.”

“Mr Malik? You mean Zayn?” Mr Malik will always be Zayn’s dad to Ant. ”Is he OK?”

The nurse explained that she would rather talk to him in person but Ant persisted. Zayn had been brought in earlier complaining of severe chest pains. He insisted on the Nurse only contacting “Anthony Riach, numbers in my phone – Write it down! If you contact anyone else I will sue…” Zayn hadn’t got to finish his order as he again collapsed in agony but the Nurse got the drift. This Hospital was used to dealing with the rich and famous.

The nurse continued that shortly after asking them to contact Ant, he suffered a seizure and his heart momentarily stopped “Fuck! Zayn! Is he…” The nurse quickly reassured him they had managed to stabilize him and he was now out of immediate danger. Ant just couldn’t fathom how a healthy guy in his early twenties could have what amounts to a heart attack.

“Look, I am on my way now, how can this have happened?”

“Mr Malik seems to have taken some kind of illegal substances, our best guess at the moment is a mixture of cocaine laced with something else”

“No, that can’t be right, Zayn doesn’t do that kind of thing. If he wakes up, tell him I’m on my way”

Shit, he was going to have to call Liam. Liam will be expecting Zayn at his wedding in a few short hours. He will have to cover for Zayn. Ant decided to leave it for a few hours before making the dreaded call, poor guy didn’t need to be woken up this early on his wedding day. First Ant just needs to make sure Zayn is OK.


	14. 'Not Liam' and Niall's date night

2018

 

Niall rushes into the pub as usual with a “Sorry Liam! Last band wouldn’t shift” before noticing.

“You are not Liam”

“Hi Niall” Zayn replies “Disappointed?” aiming for jovial.

“Yes” Niall replies with no trace of mirth. “Where is Liam?”

“The kids are sick” and Niall looked concerned so Zayn added “nothing serious, they have both caught some vomiting bug that is doing the rounds but he needed to stay with them”

 “Of course. Why didn’t he just cancel?”

“Liam said you will have probably been too busy to eat dinner today” Which Niall realised was true “and you love the food here so much he didn’t want to deprive you of your usual feast, he knows you look forward to this every week”

“I look forward to it because I am seeing Liam, that’s all” Zayn just raises his eyebrows slightly at Niall. “Ok and the food as well” Niall admits.

“Please just hear me out. I am sorry for ambushing you straight away before about the studio”

“What, should have buttered me up first?”

“No Ni..all that’s not what I meant at all”

Liam had obviously told Zayn about the drunken text he had sent him that ended with ‘ _and how dare he call me Ni as if we were friends or something. It is Mr Horan or Niall at a push_ ’ not one of his finer moments.

“Just stay and I promise that I won’t mention it at all, I was wrong to ask after… you know”

“OK”

“You will stay?”

“Only for the food”

Zayn smiles “That’s all I can ask for. I will get us some drinks yeah?”

“Sure, you have enough cash on you?”

“Yes Niall, I can stretch to a few drinks”

“Did Liam give you some pocket-money or something?” Niall replied rather unkindly, regretting it almost immediately when he saw Zayn’s face fall, obviously Liam had given him some cash for tonight. Zayn just left and went to the bar.

Niall heard his phone chirp in his pocket, text from Liam

 

_Sorrry Ni, Kids not well. Like a scene from the exorcist here. Be nice to Zayn please. Be Niall_

Trust Liam, reminding him that being deliberately cruel was not him. Niall resolved to ‘be Niall’ as Liam put it. God he loved Liam.

Zayn returned from the bar and set the drinks down without saying a word.

“Look Zayn, I am sorry for being a dick just now”

“Its OK Niall, really”

“No it isn’t, it is just that everything you say makes me irrationally angry. I have had 5 years of imagining what it would be like to talk to you again and it never was like this. Let’s start tonight again….. Hi Zayn, good to see you!”

Zayn was slightly confused by the sudden change in Niall but wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth “Hi, Niall, good to see you too, what you been up to this week?”

Niall told Zayn all about his week at work. It was a safe topic and Niall was quite happy to relay the tales of life in the recording studio. This was Niall’s life now and it made him happy.

“and we have this new boyband in the studio, shit work ethic. Arsing about all the time, barely any talent between them, not bad in the looks department though so who knows…”

“I bet they look up to you hey Niall”

“They barely know who I am. They were 12 when I left. 12 Zayn!”

“OK, grandpa, we are not that old”

“Yes but they make me feel it. I think I may be able to get one decent track out of them but they are no Union J!”

Zayn laughs, not sure if Niall meant that as a compliment or insult to Union J but let it slide. This was good. Things were going well. Niall asks how Zayn’s week had been, not trusting himself to ask about anything prior to their last meeting. “Been a quiet one mostly, got my hair cut”

“I noticed, looks good” Zayn looked much better than their first meeting. He still looked tired and had huge circles around his eyes and not at all healthy, but Niall could tell he had at least made an effort to look better for tonight, styling his hair.

The food arrived and a few more drinks flowed, there was always a nervous undercurrent to their conversations, so many topics they both wanted to avoid, but they stuck to things like Liam and his adorable family, the latest comings and goings in the music industry, but it couldn’t last for ever. They had too many unresolved issues.

“This has been nice tonight Ni” and Niall didn’t make any attempt to correct him. “We should have done this a long time ago” Niall was a little drunk by this point and couldn’t quite stop himself

“Then why didn’t we?”

Zayn paused and answered as truthfully as he could “I didn’t think you would want to see me. After you left I just couldn’t face you. I wanted to so many times but I guess I was too much of a coward. I just couldn’t stand the thought of you hating me so I guess it was easier to stay away”

“I don’t _hate_ you Zayn, I could never _hate_ you. I was angry with you, I felt let down and was disappointed to say the least. I kept expecting you to call me in Ireland or even turn up on my doorstep and I would yell at you, call you a dick, yell some more and then we would hug it out, me probably crying like a girl and we would be friends again. I thought about it so many times. I never thought our first meeting would be five fucking years later after no attempt at contact at all”

Zayn was shocked “After everything, you would have just forgiven me?”

“Of course, I loved you Zayn…Like a brother…” he added quickly. (Niall had no idea Liam had told Zayn about the not so small crush Niall harboured) “But you never came, never called, not even a text”

“So when did you give up?” Zayn replied quietly. He didn’t want to know for some ego boost. He genuinely wanted to know when he missed his chance. When he really fucked things up.

“Liam’s wedding. We were both going to be there. Liam had told me you were really looking forward to seeing me. I had psyched myself up for weeks but you didn’t show”

“……”

“It was then Zayn that I finally gave up. You obviously were not the man I thought you were. I was disappointed for myself, I thought we would somehow in one day reconnect, but doing that to Liam, letting him down on his big day. That I couldn’t forgive. So I can honestly say if you had contacted me in the last 3 years after Liam’s wedding, I would have quite happily hung up on you”

 Zayn was quiet. Wasn’t a great deal he could say to that. He just took another drink and looked down at the table. Avoiding Niall’s eyes.

“Talk to me Zayn. Why did you miss Liam’s wedding?”

“I was sick”

“Really.” Niall replies in his best disbelieving voice, “Liam is a shitty liar and I know he was covering for you”

“I was worried about it, but I too had psyched myself up to seeing you. I was going to tell you how sorry I was, how proud of you I was for the studio, which I am by the way”

“Thanks?…….So what happened? I would have thought you would need to be at deaths door to keep you away?”

Zayn thought carefully about his reply. He knows that any future friendship with Niall pretty much relied on his explanation of how he let Liam down so much “I was, I was in hospital with suspected heart failure, Ant was with me, ask him if you don’t believe me”

“I believe you Z, you wouldn’t make up something like that, Fuck” Niall felt so terrible. Zayn was obviously in a bad way and he had thought the worst. “Fuck Z, I am so sorry, I am such a cunt” at this point Niall covers Zayn’s hand on the table with his own. “There we all were smiling happily at the wedding and you were lying in a hospital bed. Why on earth didn’t Liam say?”

“I asked him not to. Didn’t want to spoil the big day” which was partially true. “The hospital was the best in London, they sorted me out within days and I paid off anyone who was likely to tell”

“What the hell caused it? You were a healthy young man, how could you have heart problems?” Niall asked squeezing Zayn’s hand.

“Sorry Ni, can I take a quick break. Its all hard to talk about you know?”

“Sure Z, I will get us some more drinks and you go for a smoke”

Zayn stood outside the building, taking a long drag of his cigarette. He thought of Niall’s hand covering his, giving him comfort and his heart ached. He knew he had turned a corner in his and Niall’s relationship and didn’t want to spoil it. He knew deep down he needed to tell Niall the whole truth, but Niall was looking at him again like his friend. It would be so easy to tell the story to Niall leaving out the drugs but it wouldn’t be the whole truth. He needed for once not be a coward and tell Niall it all. He deserves that.

Zayn returned to the table, Niall already back with the drinks and Niall immediately grabbed his hand again. “So what was it Z? Some hidden illness?”

Zayn removed Niall’s hand from his, took a deep breath and started. “It was drugs Niall, an overdose”

Niall was speechless for once in his life. Surely he had misheard. At his silence Zayn continued.

“It is no excuse but after you left I was in a bad place. Things were not going so well with the band and I needed a little pick me up every so often. It was just coke, nothing serious”

“Just Coke Zayn! Really? Never took you for an idiot”

“It wasn’t a big deal, but I took more and more until Perrie dumped me. Can’t blame her really, I would get mad over the stupidest of things, left her no choice”

“So if it was ‘no big deal’ how did you end up in the fucking hospital?”

“The night before the wedding I was in a bad place. Was nervous for Liam, nervous for seeing Perrie,…..and you” he added looking down. "My usual supplier let me down and I ended up going to a dealer on the street. Stupid I know but I just needed something to relax me before the wedding. The guy recognised me immediately, said he had something special for such a discerning customer for the right price. We agreed a highly inflated price to buy his discretion and the deal was done”

“What the hell did he give you?”

"Speedball"...."Cocaine and Heroin" Zayn added at Nialls silence

“I know what it is Zayn, bloody hell you fucking idiot”

Zayn didn’t know what to say. Niall was right of course. He had been an idiot and it certainly wasn’t the last time he was either.

“I just wanted to lay it all out there Niall, why I missed the wedding. I was an idiot, I let Liam down, I let you down”

“Liam obviously forgave you pretty quickly?”

“You know Liam”

Niall just didn’t know how to feel. How could Zayn have been so stupid? Selfish and stupid. He was about to voice this and the realisation that Zayn could have died that night hit him. He would have lost Zayn, would never have got the chance to speak to him again, tell him what an idiot he has been. Instead Niall stayed silent.

“I will understand if you do not want to see me again Niall, really, I wouldn’t blame you”

“You nearly died Z” Niall replies quietly “do you realise what that would have done to me?” tears threating to fall down his face. “I have been angry with you for so long but never wanted any harm to come to you”

Niall grabbed Zayn’s hand again “Tell me at least that that was the end of the drug use. That was what, over 3 years ago?

Zayn couldn’t look Niall in the eye so Niall knew the answer.

The barmaid chose this moment to interrupt “Sorry lads, we are closing up now” Niall and Zayn didn’t realise how long they had been talking, how late it was.

“Zayn, this is all a lot to take in, we have to go but I promise we will talk further. Is your number still the same?”

Zayn just nods and Niall promises to be in touch.

 

* * *

 

 

In the taxi on the way home Niall just keeps thinking that he could have lost Zayn. Even when he was angry with him for all those years, the thought of losing him made Niall sick. Zayn obviously had problems and it seems still does. Niall really can’t get involved, the studio literally takes all of his time and energy, he loves it but it is all encompassing. Niall makes a decision that he will let Zayn back into his life but at arm’s length. He can’t be the person that Zayn obviously needs now but he can at least let Zayn know he isn’t shutting him out completely

To Zayn:

_If you still want a tour of the Studio, let me know when you are free._

Zayn stared at the text for 5 minutes. He had just arrived back at Liams. “Its from Niall” Zayn tells Liam on his questioning look.

“Really!” Liam looks positively giddy.

“It’s just an invite to tour the studio”

“but it’s a start, right Zayn?” Liam’s says as he crushes him with a hug.

“Will you come too? Niall is always happier when you are there”

“Of course, I couldn’t think of anything better. The three Amigos together again”

“Calm down Liam, it is just a tour” but Zayn can’t help but feel a small sliver of hope for the first time in ages.


	15. The Tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope people are still enjoying this. Reading back I realise I rely too heavily on dialogue and my style (If you could call it that) needs a bit of work.
> 
> I hope the story I am trying to tell still shines through.
> 
> Feedback as always is welcomed.

“Liam, Zayn Hi” Niall greets the duo cheerfully “be right with you, just gotta kick the arse of that boyband in there and we will start the tour”

“We can come back another time if….” Zayn says meekly

“No, No, will be five minutes tops. Liam knows his way around, start without me”

Liam led Zayn from the entrance to the first of the studios. Liam explained there were four studios in total, three larger and one small. “This is the small one?” Zayn asks in awe.

“Yeah, great isn’t it? This one doesn’t have the living area above it though, that’s why we call it the small one, but impressive eh?”

It really was. In less than 5 years Niall had built up the studio, added production facilities enabling an almost end to end process. He had songwriters, vocal coaches, even a bloody ‘life coach’ on staff, catering for all the needs of his customers.

Liam leads Zayn to the next part of the building and continues “and this is Niall’s favourite room obviously”

“The studios have a kitchen? Should’ve guessed” Zayn chuckles.

“Not just a kitchen but a cook on call during normal hours. Will rustle up most things on request”

Liam continued to show Zayn around, it was now well past 5 minutes and still no Niall. Liam took Zayn into one of the larger studios, it was really impressive. Along the wall Zayn could see pictures of many bands during the recording process along with gold, silver and platinum discs given to commemorate sales. Liam told Zayn many of the bands that recorded here like to give copies of their discs to Niall, to show how much they appreciated how he and his staff looked after them. Pride of place in the main studio was a huge picture of 4 girls, beaming into the camera crushing Niall in a huge hug.

Liam supplied the background for Zayn “Little Mix was Niall’s first big break” He explained how it showed NJH studios could record a major label album for the right price and quality. Really put Niall on the map.

“Perrie looks so happy there”

“She was. She had her girls around her, recording the album in such pleasant surroundings, not at all like our third album”

“Yeah” Zayn quietly agrees

“You know it’s at least partly thanks to you?”

“What? I forced Niall out so he could do this you mean?” he replied, not angrily but very matter of fact.

“No, Perrie had heard from you how proud you were and then you sent her all the pictures of the studio and that made her mind up so she and the girls made it happen”

Zayn thinks Liam is exaggerating his part in it all. It happened because Perrie and the girls were good people who supported their friends. Nothing like Zayn, but he kept the thoughts to himself. Today was a good day and he wasn’t going to spoil it.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam dragged Zayn upstairs to one of the living spaces above the studio. It was practically like a hotel suite. En-suite bathroom, King Size bed, mini fridge. You could practically live up there.

“Lads!” Niall jogs up red faced, “I am so sorry! Shit host me eh?”

“Its fine Niall, know you are busy. I can’t believe this place, it’s just bloody fantastic”

“I know right?” and somehow the lack of modesty when it comes to the studio is endearing to Zayn. “I can’t believe it myself some days Z. Have you seen the little studio yet?”

Liam replies “Yes, Niall, I showed Zayn that one first”

“What you think Zayn?”

“I think you shouldn’t call it the small one Niall, It’s really great”

Niall beams. “I am glad you think so. You are going to be spending a great deal of time there.”

“What!”

“You wanted to use my studio right? I can’t bump paying customers but if you still want to use it in the evening it is yours. The large studios are a no go as bands often record late into the night, hence the living areas but…..”

“Shit Niall, Shit! I just don’t know what to say. You are the best”

“Don’t go getting too excited. I am too busy to help you so you are pretty much on your own. You can have the use of my engineers when you need them but be mindful of my actual paying customers” Niall was resolute that he wasn’t going to get too involved, support Zayn but at arm’s length is his new mantra. He can’t get dragged back in and have all the old feelings for his old bandmate resurface.

“Of course Ni, This, this means the world to me”

“Group hug!” Liam shouts and ploughs into his friends.

“You can start Monday evening, I will go through the ground rules that everyone, no matter how famous they _think_ they are must stick to on Monday. Any shenanigans and the deal is off”

“Zayn won’t let you down Niall” Liam says messing his hair, with a huge grin.

Zayn doesn’t look so sure but he is going to do his absolute best to make sure he doesn’t and to finally make a solo album he and his old bandmates can be proud of.


	16. Practice makes perfect

 

Monday and Niall is, as promised, laying down the law:

**1\. You treat my staff with respect. They are as much to thank for the success of the studio as me. If you so much as raise your voice at any of them, even Edna in the Kitchen, you are out**

Zayn nods solemnly. Niall adds “but my advice would be to avoid the fish” lightening the mood somewhat.

**2\. No drugs. Ever. Period. If I catch wind of even a spliff in the same postcode of the studio you are out.**

**3\. It may be rock and roll to break things, but not here. Some of the instruments provided in the studio are irreplaceable, both sentimentally and cost wise.**

**4\. Help yourself to the food and drinks from the kitchen if Edna is not about, but take the last chicken drumstick and there will be hell to pay. I always have one at the end of the day.**

“Leave the last piece of chicken, got it” Zayn says smiling

**5\. As it cannot be said enough. No drugs, ever. I am deadly serious Zayn. It is a dealbreaker.**

 

 

 

"Collect the keys for the studio when you arrive in the evening. Give them to the night security guard whatever time you leave. Everything is sound proof and we have no neighbours, the only house in the area is mine so you can carry on as late as you want except on Fridays."

“What happens on a Friday?”

“You have a prior commitment on Fridays”

Zayn just looked confused.

“Me and Liam meet every Friday. You now do too. Attendance is mandatory except for extreme circumstances like you get a gig or something”

Zayn was shocked. Niall wanted to include him in Liam and Niall’s weekly get-togethers. He was just overwhelmed with all of Niall’s kindness. He really shouldn’t have expected anything else from his….friend. Zayn was actually confident he actually could call Niall his friend again.

“Stop staring at me like I have two heads, is it a deal?”

“Yes! Bloody hell yes! People are not banging down my doors to book me so I am sure I can make most weeks”

“That will obviously all change when this new album goes massive for you but for the time being, it’s a date. You will hardly see me here as I honestly end up running about the place like a madman most of the time but we will catch up together with Liam in our usual place”

 

* * *

 

 

It had been two weeks into Zayn’s deal with Niall. He had been writing during the day and had let himself into the studio in the evening to begin getting some of the tracks recorded. It had not been very fruitful so far, he knows the songs are good but it just isn’t coming together properly quite yet.

Niall had told him at last week’s get together that there was no rush. Things would come together and to take as long as he needs. All the staff love him as he is really no bother. He just quietly works away into the evening by himself.

Niall wasn’t lying about not seeing him around the studio. Zayn hopes he wasn’t purposely avoiding him and doesn’t think he is because on a Friday, when the three of them meet up, Niall is laughing along to everything, sometimes squeezing Zayn’s hand when he had a few drinks if he thinks Zayn is starting to retreat from the conversations. Encouraging him that this is now about the three of them and it is OK to speak freely.

 

* * *

 

 

Niall **is** purposely avoiding Zayn. Not on Fridays obviously, he can relax and joke with Zayn whilst he has Liam there too, but he doesn’t trust himself not to get too attached if it was just the two of them, especially in the studio, as that environment can often bring out strong emotions.

He knows Zayn is struggling but as he is using the facilities for free, he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to ask Niall’s (truly excellent) staff for help. It took him almost a week to pluck up the courage to tell Edna he didn’t like pickles on his sandwiches.

Secretly Niall does not really mind that Zayn may be around for a while. Although it is selfish, he thinks the longer the album takes, the more Friday nights the three of them get to spend time together. Once the album is done, Zayn will be back out there, back into the life of a popstar and will not have time for Liam and Niall through no fault of his own.

 

* * *

 

 

“Zayn, how’s it going?”

“Fine thanks Joe”

Joe helped Niall with some of the day to day management of the studio. It had got to the point that even Niall had to admit defeat and bring in some help.

“All the studios were booked out this week for a single band who have gone and bloody cancelled. Lead singer gone into rehab or something”

Zayn was not quite sure where this was going.

“Anyway, you can use the studio during the day if you want this week. Too late to get anyone else in”

“Really, thanks Joe! Is Niall OK with this?”

“I’m sure he will be, he has finally left the booking of the studios to me so it’s my call, but I know he won’t mind”

 

* * *

 

Niall was bored. He should appreciate the sudden drop in his workload this week but he honestly missed the buzz. He was heading down the corridor when he bumped into Zayn.

“Sorry Ni, in a world of my own there, off to get a sandwhich, you busy?”

“Yeah, sorry Z, you know how it is, catch you later”

Zayn looked back at Niall suspiciously but carried on towards the kitchen. Niall was not busy, the opposite in fact. He had spent the first couple of days of the unexpectedly quiet week catching up on his paperwork and now was at a loose end, but he didn’t want to spend time with Zayn without the buffer of Liam.

Thursday and Niall had bumped into Zayn a few times this week and always brushed him off. It was starting to look deliberate as it was obvious, due to the lack of actual customers in the studios, it might be on purpose. So Niall decided to man up and pop in and see Zayn, check on how his friend was doing.

“Zayn, hope I am not interrupting”

“Niall” Zayn replies surprised.  

“Quiet around here today so thought I would see how you are getting on” Zayn had the decency not to mention it had been quiet all week and smiled at his friend.

“OK I think. I have this one track down if you want to listen?"

Niall nodded and Zayn hit play, a voice came out of the speakers that Niall did not expect. It was quite rough, nervous and not at all how he remembers Zayn’s voice to be. Niall was never very good at hiding his thoughts and this must have been reflected on his face. Zayn shrunk back into his chair.

“It’s terrible isn’t it?

“The words are fantastic Zayn, really good. Should’ve been a writer you” he says trying to lighten the mood. “The actual melody is good, needs a bit of tidying up from one of the engineers, but as a first cut, it is really great”

“Yeah?” Zayn smiles shyly. If Niall likes the words and the music, why does his face look like something unpleasant had crawled up his nose. The singing, Zayn’s vocal. Niall hadn’t mentioned that.

“So, you like the song but not the performer”

“I’ll be honest with you here Z, as that is what I am paid for” Zayn didn’t really argue that he wasn’t paying Niall, that it was more an IOU “but you really sounded terrible.”

At Zayn’s crestfallen look Niall continues “You have the best voice, hands down of anyone I know. I have told you that many times so don’t look at me like I just kicked a puppy – or Liam or something. The voice is hesitant, as if you don’t trust yourself to reach the notes. It sounds as if you have not used it for some time."

Zayn nods, confirming his friend is right.

“And it sounds as if you have not taken care of it, abused your gift” and Zayn knows Niall is talking about the drugs.

Niall walks over to the wall and plucks a guitar off its display. “You need to warm up, sing something you have sung a million times before and could do in your sleep”

Niall starts the familiar introduction to ‘Little Things’ on the guitar, “close your eyes and pretend it is 6 years ago, me and you are practicing in the hotel room or something. You be you obviously, Harry and the other one. I’ll be me and Liam, ready?”

Zayn nods nervously and after the next time Niall plays the introduction he starts to sing. It is still hesitant and Niall has heard him sound far better. Niall joins in with Liam’s harmony from the first verse and Zayns voice strengthens. They continue until Nialls solo and Niall fixes his gaze at Zayn as he sings ‘You’ll never love yourself half as much as I love you’ voice cracking slightly before stopping the song completely at the end of his verse.

Zayn is just staring at Niall and Niall clears his throat. “See, you started off pretty badly but by the time it came to the second verse, you sounded like the Zayn I know, now go and redo that track. I need to get back to work”

Niall left abruptly. Shit. Shit, shit, shit Horan he thought to himself. This is why he had been avoiding Zayn at work. Singing, harmonising with Zayn brought all his old feelings to the front and he just wanted to grab Zayn, tell him he really loved him, not just the way he loves Liam. All this after not even a full bloody song. This is what he was trying to avoid. Zayn must think he is some kind of idiot, giving him gooey eyes and then flouncing out of the room. No more meetings without Liam.


	17. The Party

Niall looks at his watch and rings the doorbell of the Payne household.

Zayn answers the door with a surprised look.

“Not expecting me or something?” Niall asks him

“I was expecting you, but not yet. You are actually on time, almost to the second” he laughs pulling Niall into a hug. Niall was starting to get used to them again but this one was awkward, due to the huge present Niall was currently carrying.

“Shove off and let me in quick, so Liam can see with his own eyes I am on time”

“Uncle Niall!”

 “Hey Junior! Happy 5th Birthday!”

“Daddy says I am not allowed to answer to that, you have to call me James”

“But does Daddy have a present this big!” Niall says as he brings round the present from behind his back.

“Buying favour from my child, you have no shame Horan”

“Li, Hi. I am on time!”

“I know, Danielle has gone for a lie down, the shock almost killed her!”

"I heard my name mentioned,  Hey Niall"

“Hi Danielle, looking fine as always”

“Charmer as always, that present looks distinctly Guitar shaped. Please say you didn’t Niall”

“The sooner they start you know!”

“He is 5 Niall, you have just subjected us to years of torture”

“I aim to please”

Liam was having the greatest day. He was celebrating his sons 5th birthday with all his family and Niall was currently chatting in the corner with Zayn, giving that full head back laugh of his every few moments. Liam had wanted this for so long but after so many years even he had started to lose hope.

Zayn had been through so much and he was still very worried about his friend but seeing him chatting away animatedly with Niall made his heart swell.

 

After a rather rowdy and tuneless (considering the professional singers in the room) rendition of Happy Birthday, James came and gave Niall a big hug.

“I love the guitar Uncle Niall, thanks”

“Oh, I almost forgot, here, part two of the present” Niall fished out of his pocket 10 pieces of paper all identical with a simple message

_1 Guitar Lesson for Niall Junior from Uncle Niall_

“You see, if you give this to me, I must stop whatever it is I am doing and give you a guitar lesson. No matter how busy I am, deal?”

“Wow, thanks Uncle Niall. I wish you could live with us too like Uncle Zayn”

“Don’t be silly James, he might be here a lot but Uncle Zayn doesn’t live here”

“Yes he does. I have to share with my little sister because Uncle Zayn stays in my room. I don’t mind really, he reads to me at night and everything”

Niall was confused, what about Zayn’s own place

“I heard Mummy and Daddy say Uncle Zayn had lost his house” James said giggling. “You can’t lose a house, they are sooo big, maybe he is forgetful like Daddy”

Niall was such an idiot. Liam often picked Zayn up and dropped him off to the studio but it had never clicked. He thought Liam was just being overly kind, doing the 30 minute round trip to Zayn's place to help him out.

Niall remembers how embarrassed Zayn was when they first met up about how he had lost all his money so he wasn’t even mad at his two best friends for keeping this from him but he had a plan. He needed to call his assistant Joe immediately.

“Hey Niall, Joe just called me?”

“Really, what did he want?” Niall asked innocently. He hadn’t expected Joe to call Zayn straight away, but I suppose Niall had been rather insistent.

“He said that they need the smaller studio next week for something, said something about the acoustics being different in there for Oboes and I am to use one of the main studios from now on”

“Really? Well you know I leave all of that kind of thing to Joe now, I am sure he knows what he is doing” Niall neatly replies.

“So you didn’t know?

“No, as I said, that is now Joes responsibility, I don’t like to meddle”

Zayn seemed to accept this and go on his way. Part 1 of Niall’s plan was in place.

 

* * *

 

 

Danielle had taken a week off from her studio so Liam was free of house husband duties for a week. Danielle had told Liam he could go play with the lads in the studio if he wanted. Zayn had pointed out that it was not ‘playing’ but very serious work but Liam was practically hopping up and down, promising he would not be a distraction and could help Zayn finish the album.

Niall entered into the main studio to find Zayn and Liam just trying things out on the guitar and piano to see what worked. Niall was quite safe to pop in often now with Liam spending the week in the studio. Time for Part 2 of his plan.

“Hey Zayn, you know there is the whole living area above this studio right? With the long hours you are doing to finish the album, why don’t you just stay up there? Its got everything you need and the Kitchen is just downstairs. Saves you travelling home all the time”

Zayn turned to Liam and Liam said “Don’t look at me!”

“You know don’t you Niall”

“Know what?” he replied, still trying to act innocent.

“About my house” and Zayn looked as if he wanted to curl up and die.

“I really don’t know what you mean?”

Zayn just looked Niall in the eye, Hazel eyes staring into brilliant blue and Niall cracked.

“OK, I know, Niall Junior…..”

“ _James_ ” Liam couldn’t help himself even though it really wasn’t the time

“James may have mentioned it. Don’t be mad Zayn, I was trying to help, makes things easier. I am sure Liam loves having you” and Liam nods enthusiastically “but I know how you get, if you don’t have some alone time every so often, you go mental. Just stay here until the album is finished”

Zayn thought about it. It would be nice for James to have his room back, even temporarily. Niall was right of course, he was starting to feel a bit like a caged animal but on the other hand, living with the Paynes meant that, apart from when he was alone in the studio, there was always someone with him. No chance he could take something, relapse.

As if reading his mind Liam added “I’m not sure Niall, we love having Zayn around and I don’t think he should really be on his own”

“Not much chance of that here, its like Piccadilly bloody Circus during the day and I will keep him company in the evening. But he will still have a place where he can just chill if he needs to. My house is literally outside this building. I can be here in seconds if he needs me”

Zayn listened as his two friends discussed him, he felt a bit like a child. Niall’s offer was very tempting, a place where he could be alone if he wanted to but with his friend merely seconds away.

“Niall, if your generous offer still stands, I would love to stay in the studio living area until we finish the album”

“Fantastic! Liam, I will watch out for him, promise. Don’t look so worried”

Liam _was_ worried and not just for Zayn’s wellbeing. Has Niall gone mad? He has spent the last few weeks obviously avoiding being alone with Zayn, now he has convinced him to move into his studio. He really doesn't think Niall had thought this through.


	18. The Demo

Niall had not thought this through. He was so keen to get Zayn to stay at the studio, he didn’t really think through the ramifications. He promised Liam he would keep Zayn company after he finished in the studio so this is how he found himself knocking on Zayn’s door.

“Come in”

“Up for some company?”

“Sure Niall, though it’s been a long day, not sure I will be good company”

“It’s fine, we can watch a movie or something, I am pretty beat too”

Although the living area was fairly large, there were no chairs to speak of, just one settee and the bed, currently occupied by Zayn. Niall sitting on the Sofa half way across the room would seem odd, so he joined Zayn on the bed, sitting up against the headboard. Niall let Zayn choose the movie as he suspected that the only movies Zayn was able to watch at Liam’s were of the Disney variety.

Niall had offered to keep Zayn company but within minutes of lying on the bed, Niall was fast asleep. Zayn didn’t like to disturb his friend so just carried on watching the movie with the sound turned down low. Glancing down at Niall every so often to check he was OK.

Niall still hadn’t woke up and it was nearly midnight. Zayn shook him gently “Nialler, wake up, time for bed"

Niall stirred but didn’t wake up. Zayn tried again “Niall, come on wake up, I can’t carry you back to your house”

“M’fine here Zayn” Niall mumbled. “Leave me alone”

It had been so long since they had shared a room, Zayn had forgotten once Niall was down for the night, he was practically an immovable force. Zayn found a second duvet in one of the cupboards and draped it over Niall, he sighed, got undressed and climbed into bed.

 

* * *

 

Niall was first to wake the next morning. He could feel that he was lying on something that was far too hard and warm to be a pillow. Niall couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes as he had a pretty good idea whose body he was currently snuggled up to.

Niall slowly opened his eyes and sure enough, he was lying on Zayn’s chest with his arm wrapped around his side. Zayn also had one arm wrapped around Niall as if he was clinging onto him for dear life. Somehow Niall needed to extract himself from a still sleeping Zayn to avoid an entirely awkward conversation this early in the morning.

Niall carefully lifted Zayn’s heavily tattooed arm to extract himself from Zayn’s grip. It was then he noticed all the tell-tale signs of drug addiction on his friends arm. It was practically like a pin cushion, it was no wonder Zayn stuck to longer sleeved shirts and t-shirts now, always below the elbow.

Reading between the lines, he knows that Zayn is still struggling to stay clean. Liam’s worry of Zayn leaving his house was not of someone who thought the danger had passed.

 

* * *

 

Niall had done his morning rounds, made sure his paying customers were all well looked after and then dropped in in Zayn and Liam.

“Morning Niall, sleep well”

“Fine thanks Liam”

“Of course he did, had his very own heated pillow, didn’t you Nialler?” Zayn laughed and added a wink for extra effect. Zayn was obviously not concerned by the fact Niall had somehow crawled onto him and used him as his own personal pillow for the night which made Niall relax.

“Not as if we haven’t slept like that before many times, Zayn should know that when inviting me to sit on a bed, it’s only a matter of time before I am out cold”

Liam looked pensive, but Zayn and Niall seemed fine so he let it pass.

 

“What are we working on today?” Niall asked.

“Just polishing the lead single. All being well this is the one the label will push the album with so it has to be perfect. Here listen” and Zayn with none of the nervousness he displayed weeks ago when playing Niall the first recorded track pressed play on the console.

Niall was astounded. “O.M.G.”

“No one says that anymore Niall” Liam laughs “But it’s good, really good isn’t it?”

“It is amazing, Zayn you sound better than ever, the whole thing is almost perfect”

“Thanks Ni” Zayn says shyly. Zayn knows this track, in fact the whole album, is good. Once he finally plucked up the courage to let Niall’s team help him, they had turned what was a promising album into a brilliant one.

“Wait” Liam adds “You said almost perfect, what is missing?"

“Well” Niall begins “The chorus is amazing, has a really good hook, but it doesn’t stand out enough from the verses. I think a couple of backing singers on the chorus....”

“See Zayn!” Liam says giddily “I said this to Zayn loads of times” Liam says proudly. “and Niall here is a professional and he agrees!”

“Calm down Liam” Zayn replies “I never disagreed, but it’s an added expense I cannot afford”

“We have some session singers contracted to the studio on a casual basis, I can make a few calls and….”

“No Niall, you have been more than generous so far, I can’t ask you to do that. If this record tanks, you will be so out of pocket it’s ridiculous”

“You realise that I will not be taking a penny from you even if it sells a billion copies, you get that now right?

“But our agreement…”

“Things change”

“But your business has ploughed a fortune into this now Niall, you can’t just…..”

“That agreement was between Zayn Malik, down on his luck popstar and Niall Horan Record Producer. We are now Z and Ni, best mates, as it should have been all along and I will be so offended if you even try and argue with me on this”

Zayn hasn’t heard this stern Niall voice from his friend since, well since that second meeting all those weeks ago. He knows when to back down.

“I will make it up to you somehow Ni”

“You already are, just having you back is enough. Now you have a week before this needs to be perfect to play for the record company, so get back to work!”

“I can see why that boyband hate you”

“They said they hate me, really? Good. Twats the lot of em’” he finishes laughing.

 

* * *

 

Niall arrives slightly earlier the next night at Zayn’s room. Zayn asks him that if he lets Niall pick the movie, would he actually stay awake. Niall tells him probably not and they settle down on the bed. Niall is starting to drift off when Zayn shakes him.

“Come on Ni, get undressed and get into bed properly”

Niall wakes up a bit and replies “I should just go back to my house” and goes to get up.

Zayn grabs his wrist and says “Don’t be silly. You are already here and we have slept like this a hundred times”

Niall knows Zayn is right, they often ended up sharing a bed when in the band, but somehow, out of the band environment it just didn’t seem quite so innocent. Especially since Niall couldn’t help notice that Zayn was becoming more like his old self physically each day. The circles around his eyes had almost gone, he had started to gain weight now he was actually eating regular meals and Niall thought he was the most beautiful thing in the world – actually beautiful suggests something very pure and innocent and Niall’s thoughts recently were anything but. He wanted to shove Zayn against the nearest wall and….

“Niall! You zoned out again, come on stay”

“Fine, but don’t blame me if I steal all the covers”

Zayn opened his arm so Niall could settle into his old usual place on his chest.

“Love you mate” was the last thing Niall heard before drifting off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was the last day before the demo was due. Zayn still hadn’t picked the backing singers for the lead track. He just couldn’t find the ones that would sound perfect, he needed this track to be perfect.

“Look, Fuck it” Nail exclaims exasperated. “Me and Liam will be your backing singers for the demo, it needs to be finished tonight Zayn. You up for that Liam?”

“Of course”

“Good, and when the record company fall in love with the track, we can get it re-recorded for the album with professional backing artists, Zayn, that good for you?”

“Really? You will both do that?”

“Of course, it’s not as if they removed our voice boxes when the band ended”

“You know we have never officially split up right? “ Liam adds

“Just keep telling yourself that Liam” Niall laughs.

 

* * *

 

Liam and Niall warm up their voices, it has really been a while since they had been used apart from lullabies for Liam and suggesting changes in the studio for Niall.

They record the track in just two takes and are sitting listening to it back.

“Now it is perfect” Zayn says, visibly emotional.

“It does sound rather good” Niall says excitingly.

“Hey, maybe we should form a band?” Liam adds and both Zayn and Niall throw their biscuits at Liam.

_____________________________

Niall feels as if he is seeing off his son on his first day of school.

“It will be fine, they will all love it. Call me as soon as you finish”

“I will, promise Niall” Zayn grabs Niall into a hug and doesn’t let go. “Thank you Niall, for everything, for this second chance”

“Go! Don’t want you to be late, love you mate”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh, too many happy chapters, not like me at all. 
> 
> How do we think Zayn gets on at the record company?
> 
> Any many thanks for all the comments. It really does make my day.


	19. The meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Mega authors note incoming:
> 
> This has turned into a bit of a monster fic, 30k so far, a touch ambitious for my first attempt.
> 
> I was asked for a recap (As I imagine the time jumps can be confusing) so:
> 
> 2013 – Summer – One Direction on tour (Zayn injures Niall)  
> 2013 – Autumn (Fall) – Problematic Recording of the third album. Niall leaves 1D  
> 2014 – Spring – Niall returns from Ireland, date nights with Liam begin  
> 2014 – Summer – 1D album released to muted reception. Concept of NJH studios is born  
> 2014 – Early Winter – Liam Proposes  
> 2014 – Late Winter – Wedding and Zayn’s overdose.  
> 2015 – 1D take an “extended break”  
> 2015 – 2018 - The ‘Dark Years’ ie not covered yet by the story. Zayn releases a solo album.  
> 2018 – Summer - Liam, Niall and Zayn meet up for the first time  
> 2018 – Autumn – Recording of the album  
> 2018 – Winter - Now!
> 
> Phew!

“No! No! No No! OH MY GOD!”

Niall was about to blow a gasket

“How can you not know this song? It’s a bloody Beatles cover!”

“Who are the Beatles?” “Aren’t they like all dead or something?”

Niall has pretty much had it up to here with this boyband. Not a braincell or ounce of musical knowledge between them.

“Sir Paul McCartney? Does he not ring any bells?”

“Is he that really old dude that always sings for the Queen?” “I thought he was one of the Royal Family or something”

“We are done here, take the rest of the day off”

“Sweet! Thank you Ni!”

“It is Mr Horan to you”

“That dark haired guy with the quiff calls you Ni all the time, I heard him”

“Well MR Malik happens to be a very successful recording artist and you are 4 shits who get on my last nerve”

“I don’t think you are allowed to speak to us like that. He isn’t is he guys?”

“Don’t think so”

“Check your fucking contracts then and get out”

Niall would never normally be so unprofessional but he has been on edge all day. He still hadn’t heard from Zayn and his meeting with the record company was due to finish hours ago.

As if on cue his phone rings. He answers without checking the caller ID.

“Zayn?”

“You haven’t heard from him either?” It was Liam.

“No, I am sure it all went fine. They are probably wining and dining him as we speak”

“Well if you hear anything Ni, let me know”

“Of course Li”

 

* * *

 

 

Niall had left it until 6pm, the meeting was due to finish at 1pm and still no word.

Niall didn’t want to appear panicky, he has called Zayn’s phone twice but not left a message. On his third attempt he decided to leave one, acting as cheery as could muster.

“Hey mate, it’s er Niall obviously. Just checking in. Fuck I hate these things. I’m sure they have taken you out on the town or something but call me when you are done, doesn’t matter how late….” and the tone to indicate time up sounded.

 

* * *

 

1am and nothing. Fuck. Niall was alternating between sick with worry and anger that Zayn hadn’t called. He promised he would call.

Niall was about to get his coat and trawl the streets when his phone rang.

“Zayn!”

“Ni”

“Thank fuck, where have you been?”

Zayn slurred back at Niall “I’m sorry Ni, I have let you down again. Just, sorry”

“Where are you Zayn, are you drunk, you sound drunk”

“I’m not drunk Ni, they didn’t want me, called me damaged goods. I just wanted to feel better so I took some stuff”

So not drunk then, high. “Fucking Hell Zayn, where are you? I am coming to get you”

“I am sorry Niall” Zayn repeats after giving Niall the address.

“I know Zayn, but stay where you are, that is only 10 minutes away”

 

* * *

 

 Niall had waved him off this morning, like a proud father or something. Zayn couldn’t believe that things had gone so well for him lately, so much so that he had barely even thought of the drugs. There was always that little voice far back in his head that told him ‘Come on Zayn, just a little, you know you want to’ but it was drowned out by Niall’s laugh, Liam’s supportive words, lyrics to his album and the odd ‘love you mate’.

Sitting on the tube into Central London, Zayn half wishes he had taken up Niall or Liam’s offer to drive him, but it felt important to Zayn that he does this by himself. His friends had got him to this point and he needed to take the final step by himself. He hardly recognised himself some days, he used to be so confident, to the point of arrogance some might say, not this nervous, hesitant guy that he barely recognises in the mirror some days.

The past few weeks, spending so much time with Niall had been really good. He loved Liam to bits, but Liam always treated him as if he was fragile and about to break. He can’t blame him really, Liam knows everything that happened to him in the last 5 years. Niall on the other hand was not afraid to call him a dick when needed, call him out on his shit and if he was retreating into himself, forcibly coax him out of it.

Niall didn’t know the full extent of his problems over the last few years. He and Niall had obviously talked about events leading up to the wedding and his overdose, but neither of them really discussed the years after that. It was as if, in Niall’s mind, that after the wedding, Zayn was just hidden away somewhere until they were reunited that night when he gate-crashed Liam and Niall’s meeting.

He knows he and Niall had to have that conversation at some point, Zayn also thought they really needed to talk about the fact that Niall was in Love with him when they were in the band. Zayn really doesn’t know how to approach that one, things are going so well, Niall is finally comfortable hugging him again and sleeping in the same bed. Zayn really doesn’t want to do anything to spoil that. Niall doesn’t know Liam told him and the longer he carries on without mentioning it, the more he worries how Niall will react.

This tube journey seems to be taking forever and it is giving Zayn time to think, which is always dangerous. Back when Liam told Zayn that Niall was in love with him and not just in a platonic way, he didn’t really react very well. It was part of the reason he stayed quiet when Niall was waiting for him to stand up for him, tell him not to leave the band. At the time Zayn couldn’t be there for Niall in that way. He didn’t think it was fair to Niall to have to be around him all the time when he was 100% straight and nothing could happen. But if Zayn had learnt anything over the intervening years is that no one is really 100% straight. Drugs may be a terrible thing but they are a good way of removing inhibitions. It is not as if he ever had an actual relationship with a man, he didn’t really have a relationship with anyone during ‘the dark years’ as Liam had taken to calling it, but he had enough casual hook ups with both sexes to know that he is definitely not 100% straight. Again this is a conversation he would rather avoid with Niall, Zayn is not so cocky that he thinks Niall is still in love with him, it has been over 5 years and they have both changed a great deal, but telling him that yes, he quite likes dick too would open a whole new can of worms.

His fellow tube passengers are now openly staring at him, Zayn wonders if they actually do recognise him or they are just trying to place him. Fame is a very fickle thing and a few years out of the spotlight can seem like an eternity. Zayn is relieved when they finally arrive at his station for the record company

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Zayn, good to see you! You look surprising well?”

“Thanks I think?”

“You know, with all the recent ‘bother’ you had”

So ‘bother’ is what they are calling it now? It really doesn’t seem all that recent to Zayn, but he supposes it really only has been a few months since he moved in with Liam and reconnected with Niall.

“So I believe you have a demo track for us?”

“Yes but I have a whole album pretty much ready to go. I have brought the whole thing with me today”

The record label executives all just looked at each other, having a silent conversation between them. Zayn was worried. This is what they had agreed. He would go away and self-finance an album and they would release it. He had kept up his side of the bargain. It is not as if he could go anywhere else with it. The whole band (except Niall obviously) were still contracted to their label and it was watertight in the fact that anything must be released through them, including any solo projects. Even Louis' TV presenting came through Cowells TV production arm, they didn’t really seem to care about Harry’s band as they never actually did anything, but if Harry ever decided to get serious with his new band, it would all have to go through them.

Zayn played the lead track for the room and allowed himself to be a bit more cautiously optimistic when he saw their reactions. Once the track had finished, there was an awkward silence in the room until Zayn decided to break it.

“Well, what did you think?

“To be honest Zayn, we were not expecting too much after your last solo effort, but I must say, I at least am very, very impressed. I don’t know how you got it to sound so professionally done, we know that would be beyond your budget considering your lack of funds these days”

“Well I had the best help available” he replies thinking of Niall and his team. Even Edna who kept him supplied with sandwiches all day.

“Look Zayn, I will be frank here. We have been your label since the X-Factor, when we said if you managed to record an album we would release it, we really didn’t expect you to actually do it. Your activities over the last few years have frankly been a headache for us and we didn’t think you had it in you”

Zayn was getting angry, they had already written him off, their offer was obviously just a way to placate him at the time.

“You have the whole album with you?”

“Yes” Zayn replied shortly.

“Leave it with us, we will take a listen now and discuss how we move forward, we really weren’t prepared for this Zayn”

“You knew our meeting was today!”

“We expected you to just ask for more time or ask us to reconsider financing it. It has been a very pleasant surprise if we are honest with you”

All hope was not lost then, despite everything, the label knows when they hear a good thing, the quality of the album will save him.

“Go off, have lunch or something and come back in a couple of hours. We will take a listen to the rest of the album and decide how to move forward”

Zayn breathes a sigh of relief “OK, thanks”

“By the way, the backing on the lead track, is that Horan and Payne”

“Yes it is” Zayn replies, actually smiling for the first time today. “Obviously it will need re-recording for release as Niall is not contracted to you and Liam is in retirement”

“Interesting, now off you go Zayn, get some lunch”

 

* * *

 

Zayn was going to call Niall and tell him he would be longer than he thought, but what would he tell him? Zayn really didn’t know how this was going to go. He would wait until after the next meeting and call Niall and Liam with the hopefully good news.

“Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get you?” the young girl behind the counter says with fake cheeriness.

“Just a coffee, black, no sugar”

“Sure, hey don’t I know you?”

“I don’t think so, I have one of those faces you know?”

Zayn had a million things running through his head, he really didn’t want to deal with an old fan at this point. The server seemed to accept his response and continued to prepare his drink.

“Here you go sweetie, Oh, I do recognise you! You are that guy who always has his picture in the papers, falling out of clubs and things! Were you a soap star or something?”

“Something like that” and Zayn decides to take his coffee to go. Is that what he was really known for now? No, of course not, that is one person, he knows he still has many fans out there who love him for his voice.

 

* * *

 

 

“Nice lunch Zayn?”

“W’fine, what did you think?”

“It is really good Zayn, really good. We could practically release this today but..”

“But what? If it is really good and you have not had to spend a penny in its creation, why is there a but!”

“We would still have to support the promotion and persuade radio to play it, and the distribution”

“How fucking expensive is it to get something on I-Tunes?”

“We are not saying we don’t want to release it…” and Zayn visibly relaxes “but we want to release it without you”

 

“………”

 

“Just hear me out. You obviously have a great talent for song writing, the lyrics and melodies are superb. Now you know the X-Factor has waned in popularity the last few years, well this year’s winner is more R&B flavoured and we think your album would be perfect for him to gain some credibility”

 

“……..”

 

“You would obviously be credited as the song writer and will rake in the royalties, we think you could earn far more from this if it was someone else’s record, and we both know you need the money. An X-Factor winner is still a pretty much sure bet for sales – of the first album at least – and you can re-invent yourself as a credible songwriter”

Zayn didn’t quite know what to say. They loved the album but not him.

“I am a singer, singing is my life, it is what I do! This album is very personal to me, I am not having some cheesy twat who thinks he can be an R&B star singing it”

“Think about it Zayn, it’s a win-win”

“For you! Not for me. Why? Tell me why? Does my voice sound shit? I worked really hard to get it back to where it should be?”

“Your voice isn’t the problem. You honestly sound better than I have ever heard you before. The problem is your image. You are, how can I put this delicately, damaged goods Zayn”

“That’s delicately! I fucking hope you never have children”

“You are too much of a risk. Your One Direction fanbase do not want to see their idol in the papers, fucked up on god knows what. To any potential R&B fanbase you will still always be ‘One of those One Direction kids’ so who would actually buy it? We tried with the last album but it didn’t exactly set sales records”

“The last album was shit! It was recorded in a hurry, songs were shit, I was coked up to my eyeballs whilst recording it and sounded shit, you know all this, this time it will be different, this is bloody good!”

Zayn was furious. Absolutely livid. He then thought back to his encounter in the coffee shop. That girl had no idea he was even a singer. She knew him as the guy who fell out of clubs. He could, even in his current fury, see where the record company was coming from but he couldn’t accept this. This was his album and if he doesn’t sing on it, no-one will. Zayn voiced this in no uncertain terms to the executives.

“Well that is a shame Zayn, you know that under the terms of your contract, if we do not release it then no one can. I just hope for your sake that in 4 years when your contract expires, people will still care enough to buy it or that you will even be still alive at that point”

 

* * *

 

Zayn left the record company and was beside himself. This was his big chance, his big comeback and it was not going to happen. He had let everyone down. He was stupid to think he could just brush the last few years under the carpet and be a popstar again instead of just tabloid fodder. He was broke, had nowhere to live now the album was finished (He really couldn’t go back to Liam’s now, not after this), he let Liam down and Niall. Fuck, Niall had poured a fortune into this album. He knows that once Niall made him take the main recording studio, he bumped some of his actual paying customers. Niall put his reputation and his money on the line for him without really knowing all the facts. They never had the conversation on what actually Zayn had been up to in the years since the wedding and if they had, Niall probably would agree with the record label.

It has been a while but almost on auto-pilot Zayn finds his way to Nigels club. Before he knows what he is doing, he is paying Nigel with the money Niall gave him this morning “Its not fucking pocket-money Zayn! I was an arse back then when I said that! Think of it as an advance on the billions of albums you will sell” Niall had told him. After the overdose incident, Nigel had relunctantly started to supply Zayn again, at least Nigel knew his stuff was of good quality, not laced with whatever shit Zayn had on the eve of Liam’s wedding. He felt partly responsible for introducing Zayn to drugs in the first place. It was never meant to turn out like this.

Well if he was going to fuck everything up he might as well go the whole hog. As Zayn snorted line after line until he felt numb and he felt that old familiar feeling only the drugs could give him, he thought again of Niall, thought of Nialls rules _“No drugs. Ever. Period. If I catch wind of even a spliff in the same postcode of the studio you are out”_

Zayn was at the point of no return. He looked at his phone to see he had received a voicemail hours ago.:

_“Hey mate, it’s er Niall obviously. Just checking in. Fuck I hate these things. I’m sure they have taken you out on the town or something but call me when you are done, doesn’t matter how late….”_

Fuck, Niall was trying to sound cheery but Zayn could tell he was worried sick. It would be better for Niall if he just left him alone. Niall had his business to think of, he had really got his life together but Zayn owed him, owed Niall to at least make the choice himself if he wanted to still be his friend after this.

Zayn looked at the nearest street sign and thought at least he kept one promise to Niall. Zayn dials the number.

 

* * *

 

Niall approaches the park that Zayn had been sitting in for the last few hours, taking god knows what. Niall jumped out of the car and rushed over to him. “Christ Z, why didn’t you just come home?”

“Don’t actually have a home do I?

“You know what I mean, I thought we were getting somewhere, that you trusted me?”

“I do Ni, I do, but I needed to feel better”

“You can’t turn to drugs every time you have a little setback”

“ _A little setback?_ ” Zayn replied turning hostile. “This is my life. We can’t all have perfect fucking houses and perfect fucking recording studios”

“Don’t you even go there Zayn, I have worked fucking hard to get my life to this point. I think I know a little about setbacks, being thrown out of the band was a pretty huge fucking deal. _That_ was my life Zayn and it was taken away overnight”

“But you could have stayed. You just left me”

“I didn’t leave _you_ Zayn, I left the band, it was made impossible for me to stay. It was you who left me out of your life. You know that!”

 

Zayn just looked at Niall, he had made Niall angry, he just needed to push Niall a little more and he knows that Niall could then go back to his new life. Forget the last few months have happened. Forget Zayn. At that thought Zayn felt despondent. Niall was angry but looking at him with such concern. Niall reached out his hand to him and Zayn decided not to push him away any more.

“I know, I know, I’m just fucked up NI, Sorry”

“Look, we can’t have this discussion whilst you are still in this state. We will go home, get some sleep and when the drugs are all out of your system, we will sort this all out, promise”

Zayn pointed to the street sign. It seemed really important to him all of a sudden.

“I don’t know what you are pointing at Zayn?” Niall says gently, putting his arm around his friend.

“The postcode. Look at the Postcode!”

NW2. As with all London Street signs, the corner of the sign had the postcode in small red writing. The studio was in NW1. Zayn had come here to keep his promise not to do drugs in the same postcode as the studio. It seemed really important to Zayn that Niall realised this.

 

* * *

 

Niall tucked Zayn into Niall’s own bed in the house, Niall realised that this was the first time Zayn had actually been in the house rather than the studio. Maybe he had kept Zayn at arm’s length after all.

“I kept one promise Ni, the postcode”

“I know you did Z, go to sleep, we will sort this together, promise”

Niall sent Liam a quick text, he couldn’t call him even though he knows he would be awake, waiting for news. Liam has a family to think of and Niall didn’t want to wake them up. He really wasn’t sure what he would say on the phone anyway, he thinks his voice would betray him. So instead he had just sent Liam a simple text:

_I’ve got him_


	20. Tough Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want this to be one of those fics that just heaps misery on misery, but the events described here are hopefully not too much of a surprise as some of Liam and Zayn's conversations (and in fact the record company) have hinted at this before. 
> 
> Enjoy :/

 

 

Zayn woke up in an unfamiliar bed. He is trying to recall how he got here. He looks around the sparsely furnished room, that to be honest was quite a mess despite the lack of furniture, to try and guess where he was. He sees a picture on the wall of the band, all 5 of them, smiling at the camera. On the bedside table was a picture of just Liam, Niall and himself, with him standing behind Niall with his arms wrapped around him and Liam hugging them both. Niall’s room he guessed. It was then he saw the picture of Niall’s family on the other bedside table which confirmed his suspicions.

Zayn looked at the clock, 10:30am, too early to get up considering what a headache he currently had. He lay back down on the bed but the events of last night started to come back to him. Buying the Coke, feeling good and then feeling like the worst person in the world. He remembers he shouted at Niall, tried to push him away, Niall being angry but still caring. Niall bringing him home, putting him to bed and promising they would sort everything out together.

Zayn thought he may as well get up now and face the music. At least Niall wasn’t angry with him last night when they got back to the house, gently putting him to bed but Zayn knows they have much to discuss.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn entered the kitchen, he had pulled on one of Niall’s old T-Shirts and jogging bottoms and he was not at all surprised to see Liam was already here. What did surprise him was the thunderous look on Niall’s face.

“Morning Z, how you feeling?” Liam asked kindly.

“I hope he feels like shit” Niall replied for him.

Zayn just stayed quiet.

Niall continued “Sit down Zayn and eat some breakfast”

“M’not really hungry”

“It was not a request” and Niall slams down a bowl and a packet of cereal in front of Zayn.

“Well! Eat then!”

“erm…I don’t have any milk?”

Niall muttered some swearword or other, grabbed the milk from the fridge and slammed it down, spilling some on the table.

“I guess you are mad at me then Niall”

“Mad doesn’t begin to describe it Zayn. I am fucking Livid”

Liam tries to calm things “Niall was just worried Zayn”

“Don’t fucking baby him Liam! We have tried things your way. Done everything we can not to upset him and as soon as something goes wrong he turned straight back to drugs!”

“Do you want me to go?” Zayn says quietly

“If you fucking move from that table so help me god Zayn, I am beyond furious with you. We have had this conversation before. People can be mad at you but still love you. I love you a great deal and I am mad at you a great deal. One of those things will subside. The other never will”

Zayn was touched by Niall’s words albeit delivered in such an angry tone.

“Tell me why Zayn? Why did you do it? You were clean, doing so well. I know things went really bad for you yesterday, but that is what Liam is for, what I am for. We are your support, not fucking drugs!”

“Just calm down Niall, stop yelling at him!” and Liam was getting distraught. Niall seems to think that Zayn needs whatever ‘tough love’ act he seems to be going for at the moment, but Liam knows better. Liam knows that Zayn is more fragile than Niall believes him to be.

“Fine” Niall says and deflates slightly. Niall sits down opposite Zayn and takes his hand. “You get why I am mad at you?”

Zayn nods

“You get that doesn’t mean I don’t love you right?”

Zayn found his voice finally “Yeah Ni, I do”

“Good, then stop feeling sorry for yourself and tell me why yesterday happened”

Zayn started hesitantly “It was not just one thing, it was everything. It all just became too much and I needed something to make me forget, make me feel happy just for a while”

“OK, it was lots of things, name them”

“For a start, I have nowhere to live”

“Yes you do. You live here now. Next”

“I can’t live above a bloody studio”

“No you live here. In my house with me as of now. Not negotiable. This place is too fucking big for just me, I am hardly in it except to sleep” Niall’s tone of voice was completely at odds with the kind sentiment behind it.

“I am broke”

“I am loaded, I will pay you to write lyrics all day if you won’t take my money. Next”

“I let you and Liam down yesterday, you both did so much to get my album done and it was for nothing”

“Bullshit. You didn’t let us down with the album. That was the record company. You let us down by snorting coke. Next”

“My career is essentially over. The record company made it very clear they don’t want me”

“Fuck ‘em! I will add distribution to our portfolio, we can do it ourselves”

“Really, you would do that?”

“Do I look as if I am joking?”

“Well no” and Zayn laughs, rubbing his hand over his face “Thanks Niall but it really isn’t that easy. Our contracts are exclusive to the label. We couldn’t release it even if we wanted to”

Niall looks thoughtful for a moment “OK, we will come back to that one, I have an idea on how we can force them to release it”

“Niall, you have done enough, you can’t blackmail them or something”

“Nothing that drastic Zayn, but I am pretty sure it will work. Is that all?”

“Is that not enough Niall?”

“No Zayn, it isn’t. We can sort all of that out. What we wouldn’t be able to sort out would be if something terrible had happened to you”

“I don’t know what to say to you”

“You won’t do it again would be a start!”

“I can’t promise you that Niall, I don’t think you get it. I am a drug addict. It is a constant struggle”

“I don’t accept that Zayn, you are a strong person, one of the strongest I know. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull yourself together”

“Niall!” Liam shouts but Niall ignores him.

Liam raises his voice “Niall fucking Horan, a word, now!” and Liam left no room for an argument.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam dragged Niall out of the kitchen into the living room, well out of Zayn’s earshot. “What the fuck was all that Niall”

“It is for his own good. I love him Liam and am not going to stand by while he does that to himself”

“So yelling at him is going to fix him is it?”

“Better than treating him like a child Liam” and Liam flinched at Niall’s words. “Li, come on, we tried it your way, what harm can this do?”

“A fucking great deal Niall. You know Zayn tried to kill himself?”

“No he didn’t, he told me about the overdose, it was accidental” Niall replied as if Liam was stupid.

“Not then” and Liam hopes Zayn will forgive him for telling Niall, Niall needs to understand that Zayn is more fragile than he thinks “about 9 months ago.”

Niall is just staring at Liam. His bravado completely gone. Niall was now speaking barely above a whisper “No, you must be wrong Liam. Zayn wouldn’t do that”

“It was me that found him Niall. The night before his house was repossessed, there was no furniture left except the bed. Zayn called me to wish me goodnight and that he loved me. There was just something about the way he said it, something seemed wrong so I went over there. I let myself in with the key Zayn had given me and he was just lying on the bed, as if he was sleeping peacefully”

Niall was starting to cry, he composed himself and urged Liam to continue. “I went over to him and I noticed his breathing was very shallow. It was then I saw the sleeping pills and the Vodka next to his bed. This was not a cry for help Niall, he really didn’t think life was worth living for him anymore”

Liam just held Niall and let him sob into his shoulder. “You see Niall, you may see Zayn as this strong guy, because let’s be honest you have always had a bit of a blind spot when it comes to Zayn, but he really isn’t. As much as I love him too, the last few years have taken their toll and he is not the same guy you knew 5 years ago”

“So, no tough love approach” Niall says to Liam still sniffling.

“No Niall, take the Niall approach and just be there for him, just do what you have been doing for the last few months, he hasn’t gone this long without a relapse since he started on drugs. You have been good for him and you just need to stay the course”

“Of course Liam. I can do that”

“Good, now clean yourself up and get back out there. Do not let him know that I told you as I think he has had enough to contend with for one day”

“OK”

“But you do need to have that discussion and soon, you can’t pretend the last few years did not happen. Talk to him”

 

* * *

 

Niall went back into the kitchen and Zayn was gone. A feeling of panic took over but he heard from behind him “Liam gone? Just went out for a smoke, it’s kind of been a stressful morning”

“He had to get back to look after the kids, look I’m sorry Zayn”

“No, Niall you had every right to be angry”

“No, I should not have spoken to you like that, I thought it might help, you know ‘tough love’ as Liam put it”

Zayn walked over to Niall and hugged him strongly “I know Niall, its fine yeah?”

“I promise breakfast in this household is not normally like that” Niall adds smiling.

“Good” Zayn smiles back. “I will look forward to breakfast tomorrow then”

“So you will stay?”

“Well this house really is fucking ridiculous for one person Niall, wouldn’t want you to get lonely”


	21. The plan

 

It had been several weeks since Zayn moved into the main house and he and Niall had quickly fallen into a routine. They would always have breakfast together before Niall went off to work. Zayn always felt his absence pretty quickly which was ridiculous considering Niall’s work was literally at the end of the garden. Zayn would mooch about the house, watch a bit of TV and trawl the internet (I don’t google myself, honest Niall!) before making his way over to the studio at lunch time to force Niall to take a break to eat. Zayn explained to Liam that if Niall didn’t have lunch, he became very grouchy for the remainder of the work day and they wouldn’t want to expose his customers to that. If Zayn was honest with himself he would admit he does it so he could spend a bit more time with his friend. Sure they now live together but by the time Niall finishes for the evening, often very late, there is not much time left to actually spend time together.

More often than not Niall would trudge in the door, shout “Hi Honey I’m home!” and they would eat the dinner that Edna always prepared for them “Edna, you are paid to cook for the customers, you don’t have to keep doing this” Niall tried to explain to her on several occasions but she would just say “Can’t have you wasting away” and would carry on regardless. By the time dinner was finished, Niall would collapse on the sofa until Zayn shook him gently and told him to go to bed. Now that their bedrooms were just metres apart, neither of them really had an excuse for sleeping in the same bed, so every night they would wish each other goodnight, have a quick hug and then go to their separate rooms. Zayn missed the time not so long ago that Niall would end up just staying with him rather than make the short journey from the studio to the house, but really didn’t know how to voice that to Niall without sounding too needy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was Friday night so that meant Niall had to finish early so they could meet Liam. If they didn’t leave soon they would be late (again) and whilst Liam obviously had the patience of a Saint, it was not fair to his mate to always leave him sitting alone awkwardly, playing with breadsticks whilst he waited.

_Although there was that one occasion they caught Liam re-enacting a scene from the Dark Knight with the breadsticks as Batman and the Joker, the pepper pot as the damsel in distress with the butter dish as the batmobile. He seemed to be really enjoying himself so Niall and Zayn didn’t make their presence felt for at least 5 minutes more._

If they were going to be on time tonight, he needed to get Niall now so he found himself wandering the corridors of the studio looking for him. Zayn looked into one of the studios and he found Niall’s favourite clients, the boyband, who Zayn realises he doesn’t actually know the name of, rehearsing. They actually don’t sound half as bad as they did in the beginning, Niall and his team have obviously worked wonders.

“Hey Mr Malik!”

“Hi lads, you seen Niall? and you can call me Zayn you know”

“No, we really can’t”  “Mr Horan shouts at us and calls us rude names if we call you Zayn or him Niall” “I still think he is not allowed to do that guys”

“Heh, Mr Horan is just a big softie really. I will let you into a little secret. Have Edna rustle up a plate of Samosa’s or Chicken Nuggets every morning. If Mr Horan starts to raise his voice, just casually glance at the plate, he will totally lose his train of thought and just go and eat them. We used to do it to him all the time” Zayn thinks back fondly.

“Thanks Zayn!” “Sssh, don’t call him that, Mr Horan has like a 5th sense or something”

“Lads, It’s lucky you are all pretty” Zayn says not unkindly. “Sooo, have you seen him then?”

“Yeah, sorry, was heading into studio 3 about 5 minutes ago”

“Thanks Lads, keep up the good work”

Zayn is sure he heard a ‘God, Mr Malik is really hot, y’know for an old person” as he left, not even 30 yet and he is considered old. This really is a cruel business he chuckled to himself.

“Niall, get a move on!” Zayn says entering into studio 3. “We have a date”

 

* * *

 

Niall and Zayn arrived at their usual table, pretty much on time, but Liam was already seated.

Niall greeted Liam with “Li, why is there a napkin tied around the breadstick?”

“It’s a _Cape_ ” he replied as if Niall had asked the stupidest thing ever.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The three friends fell into their usual comfortable conversations, Liam giving an update on Danielle’s Dance studio, what the kids had been up to. Niall the current goings on in his studio, Zayn on the abysmal state of daytime TV when Liam asked how they were getting on living together.

“It’s great Li, bit boring whilst Niall is at work, but I have been writing a few lyrics, even done a bit of painting. It’s been so long I had forgotten how much I love it, how it relaxes me”

Niall replies “He is like the most perfect housemate ever, makes me breakfast, brings me lunch”

“You realise they are all food based things Niall” Liam chuckles back at him.

“Oh yeah!” Niall replies laughing.

“I’m glad things are working out, you had any thoughts what you are going to do next Zayn?”

“Not really Li, but as great as it has been just relaxing at Niall’s, I think I am about ready to move on”

Zayn saw Niall’s face drop and quickly added “No, No, Niall. I don’t mean move out, just, you know, do something constructive with my life. I will stay as long as you can put up with me”

Niall quickly relaxes and just grins as wide as his face can go.

 

* * *

 

Since Zayn had mentioned he was ready to move on with his life, Niall had been dying to talk to Liam alone. He was practically bouncing in his seat. Eventually Zayn just rolls his eyes and said “I’m going out for a smoke, so you two can talk about me” kissing Niall on the top of his head when he leaves to convey he doesn’t mind.

“Thank Christ, I need to talk to you about something Liam”

“You two are mighty coupley”

“What, no we aren’t”

“Seriously Niall, you looked as if you were going to cry when you thought Zayn was going to move out”

“……..”

“He kissed you on the head as he left the table, Niall”

“Zayn has always been like that”

“Not recently”

“Don’t spoil this Liam by overanalysing it, things are going great, Zayn is happy, I am happy”

“I worry about you, you know? You haven’t even been on a date since Zayn came back into your life. Even when you still hated him”

“I have never _hated_ him”

“You know what I mean, after that first meeting with the three of us, you were still barely on speaking terms for ages. Joe told me you cancelled the date you had that week with one of his friends and have not been on one since”

“Well firstly, Joe is _so_ fired” Niall didn’t mean it of course “secondly, with everything going on I have been really busy and had enough to contend with”

“Just be careful Niall, please?”

“I will Liam, promise. Now shut up as he will be back in a moment and I wanted to ask you something”

“Sure”

“Well, Zayn has said he is ready to get things moving again in his life, so it is time to put my plan into action”

“What plan?”

“The ‘force the record label to release the album’ plan, but I need your help”

“OK, I’m slightly worried now, but I’m in obviously”

“Great!

“One more thing Niall - will we need disguises?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try and keep the time-lines all realistic, but I came to realise whilst writing this chapter, the un-named boyband has actually been at Niall's studio for over six months now, oops. But they were terrible in my defence.


	22. Grateful (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit all over the place........

_“Sentimentality!” Niall scoffed. “What has happened today is hardly what I call looking out for my feelings, it is more obvious than ever that we are a product to you and you find me personally completely replaceable. Do what the fuck you want and I will be glad never to deal with the likes of you again”_

 

Niall was lying in bed thinking of the last time he had had dealings with the record company. Niall had vowed never to deal with them again but if his plan was going to work he needed to man up and face them once again. This was for Zayn, he could do this for his friend, it wasn’t going to kill him and if the plan works everyone should, for once, end up happy. Speaking of Zayn, he heard a shout from the kitchen:

“Oi Niall, come on! Breakfast is ready, you are going to be late for work!”

Niall didn’t realise how long he had just been lying in bed thinking, is this really a good idea? Should he let Zayn in on his plan? He eventually decided that he would wait and tell Zayn when things were in motion, when he knew it would work just in case things did not go to plan and Zayn would end up more dejected.

Niall walked into the kitchen “Good job I’m the boss then”

“But you are never late Ni, the place would fall apart without you” Zayn replied and Niall just looked thoughtful.

“You know you could have a lie in every so often, you don’t have to make me breakfast every day, not that I don’t love it obviously”

“If I didn’t you would probably skip it half the time and eat crap all day, plus I like doing it. I am so _gratefu_ l Ni about, you know, everything you have done for me, it’s just my little way of saying thanks”

“I really haven’t done that much, but thanks Z”

Zayn thinks Niall has done plenty for him. He will always be grateful to his friend for welcoming him back into his life, allowing him to make a brilliant album (even if only Niall and Liam ever got to hear it) and giving him a place to stay. Niall’s house was starting to feel more like his home every day, he didn’t have much he could offer Niall at this point but he knows their little morning routine makes Niall happy.

“Want anything special for lunch today Ni?”

“Erm…….well………actually….. I can’t have lunch today Zayn, I have err….. a…. meeting in the City”

“Anything exciting?”

“Erm……maybe? I am really not sure yet”

“Niall, why are you acting nervous all of a sudden? Is it a big deal? Some huge star looking to use the studio?”

Niall knows he could easily lie, tell Zayn that yes, he was trying to secure a contract to record some megastar’s album but he felt that he and Zayn now trusted each other and really didn’t want to lie”

“It’s actually about us”

 Zayn looked confused and replied “Us?”

“You, Liam and me I mean, it’s something I have been working on, a side project. I really want to tell you but I don’t know if it’s going to work and want to wait until it is all sorted”

Zayn remained quiet, he really couldn’t think what Niall could possibly have planned and why he was hesitant to share. “It’s not about the band is it?” Zayn asked confused.

“No, no, I really don’t think I could ever perform in One Direction again”

Zayn felt a stab of regret about that, but he knew that Niall had moved on with his life and One Direction is firmly part of Niall’s past. Whatever it is, Niall was nervous and didn’t want to tell him yet, Zayn realised he trusted Niall, really trusted him, so wouldn’t press him further. Niall would tell him when he is ready.

“It’s fine Niall, I trust you, although you are making me nervous.” Niall relaxed “You and your little plans don’t always end up turning out that well” Zayn added with a smile.

“This one is actually amazing Zayn. I have a good feeling” Niall smiles back.

“Fine, I shall keep an eye on your little empire today for you and you can tell me all about it when you get home”

“I will Z, promise” and he walks across the kitchen and hugs Zayn. “Thanks for trusting me” Niall practically whispers in his ear and Zayn holds on a little tighter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Niall approached the record company’s building and he felt a little sick. He had sworn never to deal with these vile creatures again, even more so after how they treated Zayn with the solo album, but if he was going to help out Zayn, he needed to do this.

 

“Mr Horan, it has been a long time. I must say I was very surprised to receive your call”

Niall wanted to punch the smug bastard in the face, but he needed the record company on side so he can play nice for one day.

“Surprised myself actually, but I’m here”

“So what can we do for you? Decided to stop playing with your little studio and want to sing again?”

“My _little_ studio probably makes more money than most of the shit music your label puts out these days” Niall needed to tone down the attitude but Niall could be immensely hot-headed at times.

“On the telephone you said you had a proposition for me, if you have come down here just to waste my time…..”

“I do, it’s a win-win as you like to put it”

“OK, let’s hear it”

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn knows Niall really doesn’t need him to watch the studios whilst he was gone. Joe keeps things ticking over nicely when Niall is away. Joe has done it many times before but checking everything is going smoothly keeps Zayn’s mind occupied instead of thoughts on what the hell Niall had planned.

Zayn thought he would check up on the boyband who were now just putting the final touches to their album. Although he would never admit it, he will miss them when they go. Their naivety and boyish enthusiasm for everything (except hard work, Niall’s voice adds in his head) reminds him of One Direction when they started out. Well One Direction after a lobotomy, they were sweet lads but really were not all that bright.

“Hey Mr Malik”

“Hi Lads, everything OK?

“Great thanks Mr Malik. We should be finished up completely in just a few days”

“That is great news lads” Zayn says smiling.

“We will miss it here, will even miss Mr Horan now he doesn’t shout at us anymore”

“Oh, did you try the distracting him with food thing?”

“Erm, no” “We were going to but……” “Guys don’t tell him, he will tell Mr Horan”

Zayn laughed, they looked so nervous, “I promise I won’t tell Niall, now spill”

“Well we were all set to, when he started to get angry, try and distract him with food, but we noticed that if one us happened to mention how hot _you_ were looking that day, he would go bright red and suddenly lose his train of thought” “Yeah and he would then sort of be like…nice for a bit” “Soon wears off though, he called me an imbecile, I have no idea what kind of animal that is but it doesn’t sound nice”

Zayn just quirked his eyebrow at the band. “He really goes red?”

“Yeah, it would be cute if you two weren’t, you know, so old and all” “Are you like, boyfriends? You live together and always eat together and stuff”

“No lads, we are not boyfriends. Now get back to work, album won’t finish itself”

“He is even starting to sound like Mr Horan” one of them whispered as Zayn left.

Zayn thought about what the boys had said. If Niall goes red at the mention of his name, maybe the feelings he had long ago were not totally gone? Boyfriends! It seemed so ridiculous to Zayn but he then started to wonder what actually dating Niall would be like. If he was dating Niall he imagines that they would hang out, go out to dinner, just relax together and it was then he realised that he was pretty much already dating Niall, just neither of them had realised it. The only thing missing was actually kissing, Sex and the things in between. Zayn wasn’t sure what to make of his sudden revelation but thinks he could really do with talking to Liam.

 

* * *

 

 

“So, Niall exhaled loudly, what do you think?”

“You would do this? You would actually sign a contract with us?”

“Yes” Niall answered through gritted teeth.

“Honestly I am surprised Niall”

It was Niall again? Funny how offering the record company something that would probably make them a fair bit of money changes a great deal. “Well I have thought a great deal about it. Mr Payne is in full agreement. The only thing before I sign is that I need to talk to Mr Malik, make sure he is OK with all of this”

“He doesn’t know about this?”

“No, but I am sure he will be on board” and if Niall sounded a little unsure he did his best to hide it.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn paced the house, he thought Niall would have been home by now. He had so many thoughts going through his head. It would be times like this up until recently that Zayn would have taken a little chemical help to calm him down. Did Niall still like him in more than a platonic way? How did he actually feel about Niall? He knew every time he thought of Niall he had such a warm feeling and a slight jitter in his stomach. He was currently standing in Niall’s bedroom, looking at the picture of the three of them, Zayn with his arms tight around Niall, Liam hugging them both.

Zayn stared at the picture for almost 10 minutes, trying to figure out what he felt. He looks at Liam and he knows he loves Liam. Liam is like a brother to him and he loves having Liam around. He misses Liam when he is not there and it always brightens his day when he gets a text or phone call from Liam.

He looks at Niall and his stomach flips again. He knows he loves Niall and lately when he is not around, it feels like he is just counting down the time until they are together again. It is different to the love he feels for Liam. He had never really taken the time to just ‘look’ at Niall. Zayn has had limited experience of the being with another man but looking at the picture he is thinking what it would be like to actually kiss Niall, touch Niall and Zayn was starting to feel his groin area tighten. Shit.

 

* * *

 

 

Niall arrived home much later than planned. The house was in darkness so Zayn must be in bed. Niall felt a pang of disappointment as he hadn’t seen Zayn since breakfast. He knew he was being ridiculous but he couldn’t help how he felt.

Niall climbed into bed but couldn’t sleep. He had practically struck a deal with the devil today and he just hopes that Zayn would agree to the deal.

“Ni, are you awake?” interrupted his thoughts.

“Yeah”, Niall whispered despite it was only the two of them in the house. “Can’t sleep either?”

“No”, Zayn replied. Back in the old days, if Zayn couldn’t sleep, he would crawl into bed with Niall and Niall would rub soothing patterns in his hair until he drifted off. It was the only time Zayn let anyone touch his hair and the only time Niall didn’t immediately become dead to the world as soon as his head hit the pillow. Zayn asked nervously “Can I….”

Niall just opened his arms and said “Come ‘ere” and Zayn got into bed and put his head on Niall’s chest. Niall started to rub circles in Zayn’s head but sleep still eluded the dark haired lad. Zayn needed to talk to Niall, find out if he really did still have feelings for him but before he could voice this Niall sat up abruptly.

“Z, I can’t wait until morning, I need to tell you about my meeting today.” Zayn sat up next to Niall, both their heads back against the headboard.

“Zayn before I start, you have to know that if you don’t want to do this, I will completely understand. Nothing has been signed yet and one word from you the deal is off”

“Signed?” Zayn really was confused

“Right, remember when I said I had an idea, about your album?” and Zayn just nodded. “Well the record company said they wouldn’t release it because it was too much of a risk. Well what if it wouldn’t be a risk, what if it was practically a sure thing?”

“They made it quite clear that they were not willing to take a risk on me Niall, you know ‘damaged goods’ and all”

Niall winced at the words and gave Zayn’s shoulder a squeeze but continued. “I talked to the label” and Zayn’s eyes almost shot out of his head “You what?”

“Just hear me out Zayn, they have agreed to release the lead single” and Zayn just looked shocked “and if it does sufficiently well, they will release the whole album, proper promotion budget and all”

“Fucking hell Niall! Fuck!” and Zayn just grabbed Niall and hugged him as if his life depended on it.

“You are not mad I went to the label behind your back then?”

“What? No! I can’t believe this Niall, you went to them for me, guys who treated you like shit” and Zayn looked both elated and close to tears.

“Thank god” Niall said relaxing, “I really wanted to tell you what I had planned but if they had just turned around and said no again………”

“No Niall, I understand, you were looking out for me, it’s what you do lately” Zayn just couldn’t believe Niall had done this for him. He knows Niall did not want anything to do with their old label after the way they had dumped him from the band without a second thought. Zayn just sat back, head against the headboard and grinned. It all seemed so perfect and quite…easy?

“Niall, you didn’t have to do anything…….bad to get them to agree?”

“No”

“Not even a teensy bit of blackmail?”

“No, but there was a condition and I hope it is not a deal-breaker for you” This was the part Niall was dreading, he really didn’t know how Zayn would take it.

“Ok, they still maintain you are….’damaged goods’ and won’t take the risk on you” Niall said looking as apologetic as he could “but they are willing to release the track if it is released in its current form”

Zayn was confused, he really did not get what Niall meant and then the penny dropped “You and Liam?”

“Yes, they are willing to release it if we keep me and Liam on the track. They think it is a sure fire seller, like a mini band reunion. Nostalgia sells and all that, you would think we were ancient”. Zayn still couldn’t quite process what he was hearing. “Now you know Liam has such a wholesome image, proper family man and all that, I have built up a good reputation as a credible studio owner and producer, they think if people see you associated with us, it will show you in a better light…I’m so sorry Zayn, you know I don’t see you like that”

“Niall, its fine honestly, I just don’t know what to say, I can’t believe you and Liam agreed to this, for me”

“It was sort of my idea?” Zayn didn’t think he could be any more surprised tonight but Niall had done it. “I have to sign a short term contract with the label, as they said they won’t release the track otherwise, Liam is already under contract so……..”

Zayn was trying to process it all in his head but Niall looked as if he was becoming more and more upset with each moment so he needed to reassure his bandmate. “Ni, what you and Liam are doing for me, I am so grateful. You will never know how grateful I am. Signing on with those vultures, just to give me a chance, I just don’t know what to say”

“Say you will agree and I will sign on first thing tomorrow”

“What about your empire?”

“The contract is only for a month, it covers a small promotional TV and Radio tour and the odd live performance. Joe can look after things here and Liam’s parents have agreed to come and stay with Danielle for the month to look after the kids”

“Tour, live performances, Niall this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and I really do not deserve it”

“None of that talk, me and Liam love you, we want to do this for you so just say yes”

“Fuck Yes Niall!”

“Plus, it is partly for selfish reasons, I can’t wait to see Louis face when he sees the three of us performing”

Zayn just grabbed his pillow and hit Niall with it. At this point he almost didn’t care if the whole album was not released (although he may have been lying to himself a little about that) but this track meant so much to him, and it was finally going to see the light of day with a little help from his friends.


	23. Grateful (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, yeah this chapter.......
> 
> Please bear in mind Niall and Zayn still have not had the talk on what happened to Zayn over the last few years, what new experiences Zayn had.............
> 
> And Thanks so much for all the comments x

 

 

It had been a busy day, Niall went back to the record label to put pen to paper “I’m surprised they didn’t ask me to sign in blood” he moaned but Zayn knew Niall was happy to do this for him. He knew because he had asked Niall 40 times during the course of the day if he was sure he was OK to do this.

“Zayn, if you ask me one more time I am going to murder you and then still go and sign the damn contract”

“So that’s a yes then?” Zayn said grinning.

Whist Niall was at the record company, Zayn thought back to last night. He was going to talk to Niall about ‘feelings’ before Niall sprung his plan on him. Zayn was never very good at that and he feels slightly relieved for the reprieve but he knows he can’t really put it off any longer. He and Niall would be together almost 24/7 for a month, more often than now and they actually live together. He knows it would not be healthy to wait as Niall is sure to notice the lingering looks he had been giving him. Niall had already asked him at breakfast if he had something on his face and when Zayn answered with a overly fond no, Niall replied “I have marmalade in my hair again don’t I?” with a dramatic sigh.

Niall had been much longer than Zayn thought he would be considering it was just a signature he was going for. When Niall eventually burst in the door Zayn just said “Holy Fuck!”

“Is that a good Holy fuck? Or like holy fuck what the hell have you done”

“It’s…so… blond”

“It looks stupid doesn’t it, I knew I couldn’t still pull this off”

Zayn approached Niall and just ran his fingers through the newly dyed hair and said “No Ni, it looks amazing, really”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I told you I missed the blond”

Niall heaved a sigh of relief. “Good, because it won’t wash out for at least a couple of months so I am stuck with it.

Zayn knew why Niall had gone back to blond, it was his way of separating his new life from his old one. Big time producers do not tend to have bleached blond locks, singers on the other hand….

“I thought it would help people remember who I am, you know, the blond one that left”

“As if they could forget you Niall, seriously mate, it looks great. Maybe I should get the blond streak put back in mine?”

“Don’t you dare Zayn, you are not ruining your perfect hair with that again, not on my watch”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn had made them both dinner and it was an unusually quiet one for the two of them. Niall was starting to get nervous. He knows he and Liam were only supporting Zayn with the launch, it would be Zayn front and centre, doing most of the work but it was still being back in the public eye and the public gaze could be very cruel.

“What’s up Ni? Is the food that bad you’ve been rendered speechless?”

Niall smiled at his friend, “No, just thinking about being back on TV, radio and performing again. It has been a long time for me” he confessed. What if I am terrible, what if everyone hates me are in his mind but not voiced.

“It will be great Ni, don’t worry. The three of us will be there and you will have your guitar to cling to”

“Oh, you are letting me play the guitar then? Better watch out for any encyclopaedias to the fingers” he said laughing.

“Oi, we agreed never to mention that!” Zayn said joining in with the laughter. It seems that time could heal most wounds after all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When it was time to go to bed, there wasn’t any question tonight of sleeping apart. Niall got into bed and just shouted “Come on then, bed's getting cold” and Zayn joined him.

Zayn and Niall lay in their more usual position of Niall lying on Zayn's chest, Zayn could hear from Niall’s steady breathing he was still awake. “Ni, thanks again for all this, I know signing that contract today mustn’t have been easy, you have no idea how grateful I am”

“It really wasn’t as bad as I thought. It had an end date. When I left the band, I was lost, I didn’t know what the hell to do. When this ends, I have my business, my friends and my home to come back to” Zayn held onto Niall that little bit tighter and Niall continued “and I know you will be alright, jetting off to resume your popstar lifestyle”

“You don’t know that Ni” Zayn interrupted “It could be a big flop”

“With me and Liam bringing the sexy? Never! I have been told that all the mums love Liam and the grannies love me, you will at least have them Zayn” he says grinning.

Zayn wanted to tell Niall it was not just the grannies that found him sexy, Zayn could literally charm the pants off anyone if he put his mind to it, but things were different with Niall, this was important and he couldn’t just put on an act. It was now or never.

“Ni” Zayn said softly taking his hand “I want to ask you something and you have to promise you will be completely honest with me”

“Bloody hell, that sounds ominous” Niall said jovially.

“I’m being serious Niall, will you promise me?”

Niall sat up in the bed, he could tell this was going to be important. “Of course Z, I promise”

Zayn just paused, this could all go horribly wrong but he needed to say it. “Back when you were in the band, did you love me?”

Niall looked confused for a moment and replied “Course, still do, I tell you that like a million times a day”

“Yes and you tell Liam that a million times a day too, that’s not what I meant”

Niall had a feeling he knew where this was going and he didn’t like it one bit. He did not reply and just looked down at his hands that were currently linked with Zayn’s.

“Ni?”

“Did Liam tell you?” Niall finally answered quietly and Zayn nodded. “Fuck, what did he do that for, after all this time?” and Niall started to feel tears threatening to fall.

“He didn’t just tell me, he told me before you left the band, the night before in fact”

“Oh” Zayn had known, Zayn had always known. Niall suddenly felt very stupid. What must it look like to Zayn, him crushing on his completely straight best mate.

“It’s OK Niall, really” Zayn wanted to tell Niall that it may have taken him years to realise it, but he was kind of in love with him too. Zayn couldn’t quite find the words to convey this so he thought actions would speak louder.

“Niall, I am going to try something, don’t freak out” and Zayn gently held the side of Niall’s face and brought his lips to Niall’s.

Niall had waited for this for so many years, Zayn was kissing him, not just a friendly peck on the cheek or a fond kiss on the head, actually kissing him. When Zayn realised Niall wasn’t freaking out he deepened the kiss, sending butterflies to Niall’s stomach and other feelings to his groin. Niall returned the kiss hungrily and ran his fingers through Zayn’s hair. God he had waited so long for this but his mind was betraying him. Rather than enjoying what was a bloody fantastic kiss, he was thinking why now? Zayn had known for years and he chooses now? Niall thinks back to the last few days:

 

_“If I didn’t [make breakfast] you would probably skip it half the time and eat crap all day, plus I like doing it. I am so grateful Ni about, you know, everything you have done for me, it’s just my little way of saying thanks”_

_“Ni, what you and Liam are doing for me, I am so grateful. You will never know how grateful I am”_

_“Ni, thanks again for all this, I know signing that contract today mustn’t have been easy, you have no idea how grateful I am”_

 

Niall pushes Zayn away “Zayn, Zayn stop!”

“I thought this is what you wanted” Zayn said in a small voice

“I did” and Zayn looked hurt “I _do_ ” he added. “This is so sweet of you, it’s typical of you to be so kind, but you don’t have to do this”

Zayn was floored. What did Niall think this was about?

“I know you are grateful to me for everything, but its fine Zayn. You don’t have to do this for me just because you know I was in Love with you. I have thought about this for so long but I knew it could never happen, me and you was just a fantasy of mine, I knew nothing would ever come of it”

Zayn was no longer floored, he was _pissed_. He had just laid his feelings for Niall bare and Niall has essentially accused him of trying to whore himself out because he was _grateful_? What the actual fuck! As if Zayn didn’t have anything to offer Niall in return so he would make him feel special instead?

Zayn was almost shaking with rage. How could he be so dumb? He thought Niall knew him better than anyone and this is what he thinks of him, that he has so little self-respect?

Zayn just couldn’t find the words to express this, he was sure anything he would say now, he would regret in the morning so he just climbed off the bed and retreated to his own room.

‘Fuck You Niall Horan’ was the last thing he thought before finally drifting off to sleep.


	24. It's good to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy wall of text Batman
> 
> This is a longer one. We are coming closer to the end, thanks for sticking with it.

 

“Morning Zayn”

Zayn didn’t answer and just slammed Niall’s breakfast down on the table. He had made it out of habit and it would seem childish to throw it away but he was still both furious and hurt for the way Niall had reacted last night.

“Looks as if it will be a nice day today”

“………….”

Niall was picking up on the fact Zayn did not want to talk this morning. “Is everything OK Zayn?”

Zayn just gave him an incredulous look. Was Niall really that dense that he didn’t realise he had hurt him last night.

Niall was thinking back to last night. He thought that Zayn was really sweet for kissing him, misguided but sweet. He knows Zayn would never feel the same way towards him as he did for Zayn, why would he? Firstly, hello? Zayn was straight. Secondly, he was practically some chiselled perfect sexgod and he was just, well Niall.

Zayn was thinking of answering Niall’s question that no, everything was not fucking OK, that he had basically accused Zayn of having no self-respect, no decency, that he would force himself to kiss Niall to show how thankful he was to him. So ‘no’ would be a pretty fucking huge understatement. But Zayn was not Niall, he didn’t yell over the breakfast table, so remained silent.

At Zayn’s silence Niall continued “If this is about last night, its fine really, you don’t have to apologise Z, it was nice of you but not necessary“

At his Zayn really couldn’t keep up the silent act. “No need for ME to apologise, seriously Niall?” and Niall just looked a bit bewildered. “You have honestly no idea why I would be mad at you right now?”

Niall had the decency to look a little forlorn but just shook his head to indicate that no, he really didn’t.

“Well Fuck You Niall Horan” Zayn spat out echoing his thoughts last night. Zayn threw the tea-towel he was holding down onto the table and left the room with a “I am going out and you can get your own fucking lunch today” leaving a confused Niall behind.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey lads, last day today, are you excited?” Niall asked the boyband with no trace of joy.

“Yes Niall, we just wanted to say, you know, thanks for being a hard-ass and making us get this album finally finished”

“You are welcome lads, good luck out there” Niall replied quietly.

“Are you OK Niall? I have just called you Niall twice and you didn’t even shout at me?” “Is it because of, you know, your hair?”

“It’s really not that bad” one of the others added “Now I am sort of used to the blond I kind of dig it. Makes you look younger”

Niall managed a small smile at that, “No lads, it’s not the hair”

One of the band who obviously had more of their wits about them said “Is it because Zayn didn’t bring you lunch today? Because Edna made us far too many sandwiches as usual, you can have some of ours” he said pushing the plate towards Niall.

“No lads, I am fine honestly, but thanks, the place will sort of not be same without you”

“Well, Zayn invited us to his track launch so you will see us soon”

“Is it true _Harry Styles_ is going to be there? He’s like proper famous and shit. Can you introduce us?”

Niall gave a genuine laugh at that and just answers “Of course lads, it will be my pleasure” and left the boys in the studio for the final time.

 

* * *

 

 

“Fuck Liam, I am just so mad at him”

“sssh Zayn, language, the kids are just in the other room”

“Sorry, it’s just, I finally showed him how I feel and he just does that”

“I’m so sorry Z, but this just has to be a misunderstanding. I know for a fact Niall is still in Love with you”

“He made me feel like some charity case or worse some kind of whore that would pay him back with sex”

Liam was trying to piece it all together in his head. What would make Niall react the way he did?

“and he didn’t even know why I was upset? I know he has gone back to blond but Liam, you get why I am mad don’t you?”

“Of course I do” and then it hit Liam “Of course _I_ do because I know you, I know the things that you have done over the last few years. Did you ever have that talk with Niall?”

Zayn knew he and Niall had needed to have a proper talk about the last few years but it never seemed the right time. Things had been going so well and he didn’t want to spoil it. “No, Liam, it never seemed to be a good time”

“Right, I see. OK Zayn, tell me how you saw last night”

“We were talking in bed, I told Niall how grateful I was to him for everything and asked him if he was In Love with me, which he admitted.

“So that’s when you told him you were in Love with him too?”

“Well, no. I thought kissing him would _show_ him how much he meant to me, you know? But he pushed me off and this morning told me I didn’t need to apologise to him for the kiss” and just telling Liam that made Zayn even more upset.

“Right, that makes a bit more sense” Liam replies. God his friends could be such idiots, he was glad he had Danielle and everything was so much less complicated, Kids and all.

“Zayn, that’s how you see it, I think I know how Niall’s mind works pretty well and here is how I think it went for Niall.  You told Niall you were grateful for everything he has done, you told him you have known for years that he was in Love with you” Zayn nodded, agreeing with Liam so far “Then you kissed him. His _straight_ best friend was kissing him, it is all he has wanted for years and now it was happening, why now?”

“Because things have changed! I have changed, I had never thought about Niall in that way really. Once you told me he loved me the next day he was gone. I hadn’t seen him for 5 years and I let other things take over in my head”

“Exactly, so to Niall, you kiss him suddenly out of the blue and he can’t see why. Sure he has grown up but deep down he is still the same Niall that had an unrequited crush on his _straight_ best mate for years”

“Why do you keep emphasising _straight_? You know I have slept with several guys over the last few years”

“Exactly Zayn, _I_ know. Niall doesn’t.”

“Oh, we really should have had that talk first yeah?” and the anger was dissipating from Zayn.

“Yes Zayn, you should. I have told both you and Niall separately you need to talk about the last few years, but you are both so much trying to cling on to this first bit of happiness you have had for a long time you just avoided it and this is the mess we get because of it”

“Li, when did you get so smart, all sage like”

“Hey I have always been smart!” and Zayn just pulls a ‘really?’ face at him.

“So I get we should have had the ‘I like dick too’ talk” and on cue Liam turns bright red “but I still don’t get why he couldn’t fathom that I would want to kiss him now?”

“Because rightly or wrongly, Niall has always seen you as some sort of perfect looking sexgod”

“No he doesn’t”

“ _’Zayn is like some perfect looking sexgod or shit’_ Liam says in his best Irish accent “that is a direct Niall quote”

“Oh”

“And Niall does not see himself like that at all. I think he still sees that awkward teenager from when we started out when he looks in the mirror and he thinks you couldn’t possibly find him attractive”

Zayn was angry again “What bullshit! Niall is plenty sexy, the amount of times recently I have thought about just pushing him up against the nearest desk and….”

“Yes, yes Zayn, no details please, you are like my two best mates and I would rather not think about that stuff, thank you very much, but you see why he would react like this, he doesn’t think that he deserves _you_ , not the other way around”

“So he doesn’t think I have no self–respect, he thinks I took pity on him when I kissed him”

“Exactly”

“I’m not sure that makes me feel any better, it is kind of…..sad” and Zayn felt terrible for Niall. If this is what he thought was going on, that Zayn felt sorry for him, his straight best mate kissing him to make him feel better.

“But fixable” Liam adds “You need to go talk to him”

“Sure Li, I will. Can I stay here tonight and I will go talk to Niall tomorrow?”

“No”

“Thanks Li…wait, no?”

“No. How many missed calls are on your phone?”

“I turned it onto silent” and Zayn takes his phone from his pocket and looks “12”.

“Niall is probably freaking out, worried sick. You need to go _home_ , because that is now your home, not just Niall’s and sort this out”

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn stood outside the house chain smoking, plucking up the courage to enter. Liam had insisted on sending Niall a text to let him know Zayn was with him and he was OK, not off trying to score drugs. Zayn had actually realised at that point that the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. When he left the house this morning in a rage, his first thought was to go to Liam’s. He thinks he has finally turned a corner but it is a shame it took this situation to realise it.

 

* * *

 

  

Niall had been going out of his mind with worry all day. He really had no idea what he had done to upset Zayn and that upset Niall. His friend was upset and he had no idea how to fix it, he just knew somehow he was the cause.

He wondered where Zayn was, what he was doing. He had faith in his friend but there was always the small bit of doubt, Zayn had told him he was an addict and it was a constant struggle. Niall honestly hopes that Zayn was somewhere safe.

Niall finally received a text back from Liam:

_Sorry Ni, Zayn is with me and we have been talking all day. He is fine and on his way home._

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn eventually let himself into their house and was almost bowled over by Niall “Thank god Z, I was so worried” and pulled Zayn into a bone crushing hug.

Zayn was stiff at first but then relaxed, putting his head on Niall’s shoulder and just breathed in his scent. “You have been using my shampoo again Niall” he said quietly but with a small smile so Niall knew he wasn’t mad with him anymore.

“Zayn I am so sorry, really fucking sorry, I just don’t know what to say”

They were still hugging and Zayn replied carefully “Niall, what are you sorry for?”

“Everything!” Niall obviously still had no clue,

“What specifically Niall?” It was slightly cruel but Zayn needed to have a proper honest conversation with Niall and not take the easy way out.

“Well I am sorry for not knowing what I did, I guess it is something to do with the kiss, was it that bad eh?” Niall responds aiming for light heartiness.

“No Niall, it was perfect until you stopped it”

Niall pulled back from the hug and continued “I don’t understand, you were just being so sweet and you really didn’t need to be”

“Doesn’t it cross your mind that maybe I _wanted_ to kiss you?”

“Honestly, no” and Zayn’s heart broke just a little for his friend. Niall obviously couldn’t envisage a situation where his feelings were returned, “I know you love me Zayn, but not like that and it is fine, I am sorry I have made things awkward, it’s not a big deal”

“It is a big deal Ni, because I feel the same way about you”

“…………”

  “You are funny, kind…” and at this point Zayn runs his hands down Niall’s arms “not to mention smoking hot”

“Pfft, I’m not” Niall replies “There’s you with cheekbones to die for, the prettiest face I have ever seen, smouldering eyes, god even your eyelashes are sexy”

“There’s you Niall with your piercing blue eyes, perfect face, defined muscles but not too, you know, Terminator like

“More like Batman then?”

“Yes Niall, more like Batman and you know how much I love my comic book heroes”

“Almost as much as Liam” Niall replies smiling “but you are straight”

“Says who? Is anyone really 100% straight?”

“Well if anyone was I would pretty much bet you were that person”

“Well Niall I am not”

“…….oh…….wow……that’s……..”

“Good I hope?” Zayn says not quite so sure of himself.

Niall was shocked, he really had no idea. Zayn was always touchy feely with him but that’s because Zayn had always been sure of his sexuality and tactile with his friends. But still, this doesn’t change anything does it? Just because he likes men doesn’t automatically mean he likes Niall like that.

“Niall, can’t you accept that maybe I want this too?”

Niall couldn’t believe it. He had wanted this for a long time and was having a hard time processing, but he was still Niall Fucking Horan, carefree mofo and he wasn’t going to waste any more time. Niall leaned into Zayn and kissed him, softly at first but then pushing his tongue into Zayn’s mouth, eliciting a groan from the older man.

“Stop Niall”

“Seriously?”

Zayn couldn’t quite believe he was saying it but “Yes Niall, we need to talk first, properly talk”

“First? So we can carry on doing that later?”

Zayn laughed in response “Yes Ni, but we got ourselves into this mess by not talking, we can’t do that again”

“I did promise breakfast in this house wouldn’t usually be a shouting match, so you are right, we had better talk, but I would much rather….” and Niall wickedly pressed himself up against Zayn, daring to put his hand on Zayn’s behind.

Zayn groaned in frustration, removing Niall’s hand and taking him to the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn sat himself in the middle of the bed cross legged, indicating clearly they were going to talk and not anything else.

“Should I get snacks? You look as if you are settling in for a long one Zayn and with everything today, I haven’t really eaten”

Zayn laughed at Niall but his stomach also rumbled so he nodded and Niall went off to get them some supplies.

 

* * *

 

 

Niall was now sitting opposite Zayn, him also cross legged with snacks of almost every kind spread around them. “Wow, where to start” Zayn began. “When we were recording the third album, I was pretty miserable, feeling sorry for myself, missing Perrie and I let you leave the band without much of a fight. I tried to tell myself it was for the best, you looked fairly unhappy too but it was really because I was a coward. I did not stand up to Louis or the label, didn’t stand up for you and when Liam told me you were in Love with me, that you would listen to me if I asked you to stay, I just couldn’t face you. I’m sorry Ni”

Niall grabbed Zayn’s hand and squeezed it. He didn’t reply as he knew Zayn wanted to continue, plus he couldn’t quite say, ‘don’t worry, its fine’ because it really wasn’t. Niall was deeply hurt back then and it had taken him a long time to get over it. Dismissing it would not be fair to Niall but he thinks Zayn now realises this.

“After you left, I was pretty much a dick to everyone, especially Josh. I blamed him for you leaving when it really was not his fault, I blamed him for turning you gay which was obviously ridiculous as you were clearly already not 100% straight. I blamed Perrie for not being here to comfort me and the few times we managed to get together treated her like shit. I blamed pretty much everyone except me, I felt I was the injured party, you left _me_ ”

Zayn needed a quick breather so he walked over to the balcony in Niall’s room, opened the door, stepped out and lit a cigarette but was still within earshot of Niall.

“Liam tried, he really did, by the time I found out you were back in London I had already started taking coke. I told myself I didn’t have a problem and in the beginning I really didn’t. It was a way to get through the gigs, get through my day a litter better. The night before Liam’s wedding”

“The overdose” Niall said quietly

“Yeah, it was not some kind of cry for help, it was stupidity, pure and simple. I bought the stuff off a guy in the street, it was coke and heroin mixed with god knows what shit, but I thought I needed it to face everyone the next day”

Zayn finished his cigarette and came back over to Niall, resuming his place on the bed.

Niall replied “After that Zayn, why didn’t you just quit the stuff, you nearly died” his voice cracking “but you carried on, why?”

“I told myself it was because of where I bought it, I still didn’t have a problem. So I convinced my usual supplier to carry on and that was that”

Niall grabbed Zayn’s hand again, letting him know he was not repulsed or ashamed of his friend, that it was fine to continue.

“Things fell apart with the band almost immediately after Liam’s wedding. I saw the pictures of the four of you smiling at the wedding and knew I had missed my chance to apologise to you, tell you how proud I was of you”

“I knew Zayn, Perrie had told me, it is part of the reason why they recorded here and I was thankful to you but you are right, I would have welcomed you back into my life any time up until that day. Letting down Liam like that on his special day, I just couldn’t ignore it or forgive it. I know Liam forgave you, because he’s Liam, but again I expected more of you Zayn, it made me think I didn’t know you at all and my crush, or whatever you want to call it, was just a reaction to how much time we were forced to spend together in the band”

“Liam didn’t forgive me immediately, he said he did, looked after me when I was recovering from the overdose but you know Liam, his eyes betray him, his laughter was more forced, eyes didn’t crinkle when he smiled. He tried to hide it but I knew he felt let down. Harry and Louis were in their own little world as usual, Perrie had dumped me as I was being such a dick, Liam couldn’t quite look me in the eye and there was no hope for you and I to mend our friendship, so I turned to something that I could depend on, cocaine. I took more and more until I really did have a problem. The band by this point were on our ‘extended break’ so the money was not exactly pouring in. I had paid off so many photographers and reporters to keep pictures and stories of me out of the paper that funds were running low…….Plus drugs really aren’t cheap you know and are kind of moreish”

Niall smiled at Zayn’s attempt to try and lighten the tone slightly and give him a rest. Niall offered him a snack but Zayn pointed to the balcony, this time Niall went out with him and they sat on the sun loungers outside, despite being winter, while Zayn wordlessly smoked another cigarette.

Being in the cold night air seemed to relax Zayn a touch so Niall brought out blankets for them to keep off the cold and they just sat under the stars until Zayn was ready to continue.

“Then came the album, the record company was keen to get it made and out there quickly before people forgot who I was, Harry really wasn’t interested in actually putting out a record, he was having the time of his life messing about with his band, he was having fun, so the emphasis was on me. The record company provided me with quickly written mediocre songs, let me write a couple myself to placate me, but it was all rushed and the end product was frankly embarrassing”

“It wasn’t _that_ bad” Niall interrupts.

“You listened to it?”

Niall scoffed “Of course I did. Didn’t buy it though, I downloaded that shit illegally” he smiled “couldn’t give those bastards any of my hard earned money”

It was lie of course. Niall had pre-ordered it the minute it became available “but you could definitely tell the tracks you had input in”

“Thanks Niall, but on top of everything else, I sounded awful. I hadn’t looked after my voice, smoking is bad enough but with all the drugs, it was ruined” and Niall just nodded, it wasn’t the time for fake platitudes. Zayn continued “I had started to sleep around quite a bit and one night, there I was in a club and this guy walks over to me, bright smile and blue eyes, I was high as a kite at the time and when he invited me back to his I didn’t think twice”

“So not 100% straight then” Niall needlessly said

“No, after that it didn’t really matter what sex the person was, I wasn’t picky. I found I could enjoy myself for the night, feel better for a bit regardless of what was between their legs”

Niall felt a bit awkward at this point, pretty sure he should say something reassuring but honestly he just couldn’t think of the right thing to say.

The album was released, flopped, no-one even wanted me for shitty nightclub tours and money was running out. My blue eyed conquest present me with pictures of us in bed together which I could probably have dealt with, but they included pictures of us snorting coke and I couldn’t let them get out so I had to pay him off. Greedy bastard took me to the cleaners. My house was worth millions but all of a sudden I couldn’t keep up the mortgage payments. My stuff was repossessed, it was so fucking embarrassing”

“Why didn’t you seek help? Liam, Harry or even Louis would have helped you in a heartbeat?”

“I was ashamed, I had squandered all that money on buying people off, drugs, partying. My career was pretty much over so had no chance of ever paying anyone back. I had managed to drive away all the people I cared about and I really couldn’t see a way out”

“There is always a way Zayn!” because Niall knew the topic they were now coming on to.

“I am not like you Niall, I don’t always see the good things in people, the simple pleasures in life that you do. I imagine even if you were dirt poor you would still be happy, have people around you that care. I didn’t have that, once the money dried up the hangers on were not interested and I hid it from Liam. Why should he be punished for being sensible just to bail me out?”

Tears were starting to fall down Niall’s face, Zayn leaned over and wiped them away quickly before they could freeze in the cold night air. Zayn thought tears had made their presence on Niall’s face far too much recently, not the happy guy he always had in his mind, and this is what you get for letting me back into your life Zayn thought.

“So I took the coward’s way out. The night before my final worldly possession was being taken, the house, I called Liam, told him I loved him. I started to write you a letter you know? To say how sorry I was”

Niall was shocked “Shit Z, what the hell did it say?”

“’Dear Ni”

“That’s all?”

“I just couldn’t think of anything to say to make things right and it wasn’t fair to drag you into the aftermath so with my last cigarette, I burned it, seemed poetic at the time, and just took the pills, washed down with a bottle of vodka and just lay down to sleep, as if it was like any other night”

Niall was openly crying now and Zayn just brought him closer and held him.

Zayn continued quietly “Lucky for you I couldn’t even manage to do that properly, I’m a great catch me eh?”

“It would have killed me Zayn, absolutely crushed me if you had…..” and Niall couldn’t even say the word. “I was mad at you, I hadn’t forgiven you but I have always loved you. I just wish things had been different, you didn’t have to go through all that”

“But that’s the thing Niall, I brought all of that on myself, I am not the victim here, that would have been my family who I barely spared a thought for, the fans that did actually stick with me over the years, Liam, _you_. It was once again me being a coward and this is why I needed to tell you all this. If anything is going to happen between us, you need to know how fucked up I am”

Niall’s demeanour changed and he sat up abruptly. “Now you listen to me. You are not ‘fucked up’ or whatever shit excuse you have in your head. You made bad decisions, bad things happened, but here we are, older and wiser. Will you make bad decisions in the future? Yes. So will I, because at the heart of it we are still those dumb boys who met on the X-Factor, but don’t you dare think that you are some kind of tragic case, ‘damaged goods’ as the label put it. You will make better decisions in the future and me Liam will be there to call you on your shit if you don’t.”

Zayn was surprised, Niall had left no room for argument. He made it clear that he and Liam would still be there for him, even if he did fuck up. Zayn needed to know that he and Niall were on the same page.

“So, us. This is going to be a thing right? Even after this?”

Niall brought Zayn’s hands up to his chest and replied “Did you not get the part where I have been in Love with you for years?” and Zayn smiled shyly “and if through some disorder or chemical abuse you have decided you love me too then yes, this is definitely going to be a ‘thing’”

Zayn lit up another cigarette and was now just giving Niall a hopeful smile. They sat out in the increasingly colder night air, Zayn silhouetted against the full moon and Niall thought he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, but Niall was still Niall so he had to add

“Has anyone ever told you that those things are bad for you?”

Zayn just laughs at his….friend?...boyfriend?...that was a conversation for the morning he thinks and just replies

“You would think they would put a warning on the packet or something”


	25. Fork Handles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever fic and I now know I will never be able to write smut. At all. I did try and it just was terrible and cut it.
> 
> Apologies if this is a disappointment after over 40K words of foreplay but you will just have to use your imagination.
> 
> Sorry!

_Zayn just laughs at his….friend?...boyfriend?...that was a conversation for the morning_

It turns out Zayn did not need to have a conversation with Niall, as the first thing he says on entering the kitchen for breakfast is

“Now that you’re my boyfriend, can I update my Facebook to ‘In a relationship’?”

“Niall, no-one uses Facebook anymore, you might as well put it on your myspace”

“Aha, please tell me people still use Twitter at least”

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later and Niall is entering the pub for their usual Friday night with Liam. Rehearsals for the launch start Monday and Niall has spent a busy couple of weeks giving endless instructions to Joe for while he is away. Things between Zayn and him had been great, it wasn’t a great deal different to before, they still hung out, watched TV, Zayn helped out around the studio and brought Niall lunch every day, but with the addition of kissing, lots and lots of kissing and this makes everything better Niall thinks.

Niall walked alone into the pub and made his way over to Liam.

“On your own tonight Niall? Trouble in paradise already?” Liam said with a smile, knowing full well everything had been going great.

Niall reached over and took the breadstick that Liam had been playing with and snapped it in half.

“Hey!”

“You know what that was for Liam”

Liam just laughed and said “Where is he then?”

“Having a smoke, he was whining because I won’t let him smoke in the car all the way here.   Speaking of the car, I am leaving it here tonight as I intent to drink myself stupid, I’ll go and get the drinks in”

Whilst Niall was at the bar, Zayn arrived at the table, spying the pieces of breadstick. “Li, what happened to Batman?”

“Niall happened” he said glumly. “But it was only Robin and no-one gives a damn about him”

“You are such a geek” Zayn replies rubbing Liam’s hair fondly.

 

* * *

 

The three of them discussed the arrangements for next week. They were all starting to get very excited of the prospect of performing together again. “Louis and Harry have both said they will come to the launch” Liam said happily

“Yay” Niall answered with fake cheer. “I’ve invited a few people I _actually like_ as well, hope you don’t mind Zayn”

“Course not Ni, more the merrier”

 

* * *

 

“Same again? Niall asked. Both he and Zayn had finished their drinks quickly.

“I haven’t quite finished this one, but sure Niall” Liam replied.

Niall went off to the bar again and Liam asked “What’s with the liquid courage? You and Niall have both been putting it away tonight”

“Nerves I guess”

“There is no need to be nervous, all three of us will be there, and we will support each other”

“Ew, no Liam, no way. You are not……Oh”

“You are talking about something completely different aren’t you Zayn, do I really want to know?”

“Well tonight’s the night” Zayn replies waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I’m surprised you haven’t, you know, already” Liam replied, wishing he had just changed the subject.

“We wanted it to be, you know special, it’s taken us so long to get here, just want it to be perfect”

“Please don’t tell me you have candles and shit”

“Maybe” Zayn says defensively. They were bloody expensive candles too for something that they just set fire to.

“You do remember your boyfriend is Niall. You are more likely to end up in a blazing inferno than, you know, with Niall and candles. Don’t you think you are overthinking this a bit? It’s you and Niall. Just let it come naturally”

“Liam you said cum”

“You are such a child, I hope it’s a disaster” he said with a laugh.

 

* * *

 

Zayn and Niall arrived home in the taxi, they had both had quite a bit to drink but on arriving home they seemed to sober up pretty quickly.

“Bedroom?” Zayn asked

“God yes” Niall replied and they made their way into the room.

“So what are the logistics of this?”

“Niall, please don’t say logistics in bed, It is sort of a mood killer” Zayn said laughing.

Niall leaned over and kissed Zayn whilst unbuttoning his shirt. At the same time Zayn was removing Niall’s belt but was struggling with it.

“God dammit” Zayn said ending the kiss. “I can’t get this off”

 “Your T-Shirt is practically ironed on Zayn, you are going to have to take it off yourself” and they just both burst out laughing.

“This is not how I always imagined this going Zayn” Niall said still laughing. They then both just lay back on the bed giggling. Zayn thought things might be awkward at first but not like this. He should have guessed trying to have sex with Niall would be like most things with Niall in that they end up in hysterics.

“OK, Niall, tell me how you always imagined this would go” Zayn says between giggles.

“Fine” Niall said dramatically. “Well first I would be lying naked in bed and you would walk in the room and say ‘Hey babe, vas happenin”

Zayn just laughed a bit more “Niall I haven’t said that in years”

“This is my fantasy, thank you very much, no interrupting”

Zayn put his hands up and Niall continued.

“You would climb on the bed, hovering over me wearing nothing but your Leather Jacket and say ‘Niall I have wanted this for so long’ and then, you know, ravish me”

Zayn quirked an eyebrow at that “Shirtless with my Leather Jacket, is that like, a thing for you?”

“God yes” and Zayn could see Niall was starting to get hard just thinking about it. Zayn jumped off the bed and Niall shouted “Hey where are you going?”

“To get my jacket” Zayn smirked and Niall’s pupils were blown.

By the time Zayn returned, minus all his clothes but wearing his jacket, Niall was lying completely naked on the bed. “Now this is more like it” Niall said as Zayn hovered over him, making him wait before leaning in and kissing him hungrily. Niall pulled Zayn down closer and by now they were both rock hard and more than ready to begin.

 

* * *

 

Much later, as they both just lay in each other’s arms, Zayn whispered to Niall, “It was perfect Ni, more laughing than I expected but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I really love you, you know?”

Niall held onto Zayn and returned the sentiment. “It was everything I thought being with you would be, with the addition of your giggling. That I didn’t expect, but I really love you too, you eejit” and they both lay content until:

“Do you think the shop on the high street will give me a refund on 100 candles?” Zayn said idly.

“What on earth did you buy 100 candles for?”

“No reason” Zayn said innocently before they both drifted off to sleep.


	26. Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, here it is, the last chapter. Featuring pretty much everyone ever from this story.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.

 

The day of the track launch had finally come. The rehearsals went well and it was the most fun Niall had had in a long time (outside of the bedroom at least). Spending time with Zayn and Liam, practicing the song and randomly singing anything else that popped into their heads was fantastic but Niall was a little nervous for the actual performance at the launch event but tried to not let it show. Zayn was nervous enough for the three of them.

“What if no one comes Ni? I am not exactly Mr Popular at the moment”

“Zayn, the place will be packed, I am sure of it. People will still come even if they don’t like you, in case, you know, it’s a train wreck – no offense”

“Wow you are the most supportive boyfriend ever” Zayn replied with a laugh, watching as Niall turned a lovely shade of pink, it happened every time Zayn called him his ’boyfriend’ and honestly Zayn now says it as often as he can just to get a reaction. 

As Zayn and Niall entered the venue, they could see the place was indeed almost full. Zayn breathed a sigh of relief and Niall just squeezed his hand. The room was half filled with music journalists, tabloid journalists and bloggers. Zayn had probably paid half of them to keep stories out the public domain over the last few years but Zayn knows he will need them on side now if his track is going to get the publicity it needs to do well and enable a full album launch. He can play nice with them and for the first time in a long while, he won’t even need to fake enthusiasm.

The other half of the room was filled with Zayn’s friends and family. Zayn could see Liam was already here and was up near the stage talking to Harry. Harry had promised to come but it was still a relief to see him actually turn up. Zayn dragged Niall towards the pair and as they approached Harry looked genuinely pleased to see them.

“Zaynie! Nialler! Good to see you!”

“Hey Haz” Zayn replied “Good to see you too, thanks for coming”

“Hi Harry” Niall replied with not quite as much enthusiasm but he was still pleased to see his old bandmate.

“You both look really well, it has been too long, we should get together more. I can’t wait to hear your song”

Niall decided he should try and make friendly conversation so asked Harry “How’s that band of yours coming along, any closer to recording anything?”

“It’s great Ni thanks, we are actually looking to record in the next few months, should be an experience”

Niall really doesn’t know when to stop and before he realises what he is saying he replies “You should do it at my studio, will give you the friends and family discount and everything”

“Seriously Niall? Your place has such a good reputation, I would be delighted”

Liam just raised his eyebrow at Niall but Harry was looking so darn happy Niall couldn’t help but smile “It would be our honour Haz, we are friends aren’t we?” and it came out as more of a question than Niall intended but Harry just gave him a huge hug.

The four of them carried on talking for a while until they saw the fifth member of One Direction approach, seeing the four of them together Louis greeted them with

“What, has the band got back together and nobody told me?”

Niall replied “Whilst the irony of that would be delicious” and Niall smiled sweetly at Louis “we are never, ever, ever getting back together”

Harry just groaned “Really Niall, Taylor Swift?”

“What! I have been waiting six years to use that one!” and they all just laughed. Niall wishes his memories of the five of them were all like this, not the hurt and betrayal he most associated with the band these days, but things were going so well in his life now, he wasn’t going to dwell on this.

Louis continued “Whilst you are all here, I have an announcement to make. Eleanor and I have finally set a date for the wedding”

All the lads started to congratulate Louis but Niall couldn’t quite help himself.

“Well, **I** had sex with Zayn!”

Zayn who had remained fairly quiet up until this point and was drinking out of his bottled beer, sprayed the liquid out of his mouth over Louis and said, shocked, “Niall!”

“And not just once either!”

Zayn was now covering his eyes with his hand and didn’t know where to look. Louis on the other hand didn’t seem at all upset at Niall’s obvious attempt to steal his thunder and just said “Good for you Nialler, good for you” whilst patting his shoulder and laughing.

It was time to get up on stage and perform, Louis and Harry wished them good luck and they took their place on stage.

The announcer started “Ladies and Gentleman, here to perform his new single, please welcome Zayn Malik with special guests Liam Payne and Niall Horan!” A loud cheer erupted from the crowd and Niall started the introduction on the guitar and Zayn began to sing.

As Zayn started the second verse, he dared to look out across the audience, so many people were here that he had not talked to in a long time, people he managed to push away over the years but they were all here for him, his voice started to quiver a touch at the end of the verse but when the chorus kicked in with Liam and Niall harmonising he smiled and knocked the rest of the song out of the park.

 

* * *

 

Zayn was now going through the room, talking to journalists, thanking them for their nice comments about the performance when he saw a shock of blonde hair out of the corner of his eye. Zayn excused himself from the journalist and made towards it.

“Perrie, thanks for coming. I’m a little surprised, but thank you”

“Well Niall called and invited me and the girls, hope you don’t mind”

“Of course not, it really is great to see you, I am surprised the girls came to be honest”

“Well they came to support Niall” and Zayn looked a touch crestfallen “but I am here for the both of you” she continued drawing Zayn into a hug.

“Thanks, it really is more than I deserve, but thanks”

“Come on Zayn, don’t be so hard on yourself, you were going through a difficult time and I am sorry I wasn’t there to support you”

“You are too kind. And for what it’s worth, I am sorry how I treated you”

“Its fine” although they both knew it really wasn’t “It was time to trade you in for a younger model anyway, I hear that new boyband are here that Niall was working with”

“Yes” Zayn laughed and pointed to Harry who was surrounded by 4 very excited young lads.

“One of them must be a moody, tortured type, hey Zayn?” she added with a wink.

“Sorry Perrie” Zayn laughed “but I think you will be sorely disappointed with those guys, sweet lads but not much up here” he said tapping his head.  

“Not really what I was interested in” she said pointing downwards and they both just laughed.

Zayn is starting to think Niall has invited everyone in his past that he needs to apologise to because currently walking towards him was Josh.

“Zayn, hi, you were great man”

“Thanks Josh and I appreciate you coming today after….”

“No worries, Niall invited me”

“Figures” Zayn laughed “I think he wants me to make peace with the world, and I really do owe you an apology. I am sorry for the way I treated you when Niall left, I was a dick”

“Yes you were, but it is water under the bridge now, I have never seen Niall as happy as he is now” and Josh nodded his head to where Niall was laughing with Liam, Harry and Louis, Zayn just smiled.

“So, me and Niall are….em…..”

 “I know Zayn, Niall told me”

“He did?” Zayn replied surprised. It wasn’t as if it was a secret, but they decided against announcing it to the world, they agreed if they were asked they wouldn’t deny it but they didn’t really want to take the focus off Zayn’s music.

Josh continued with a sly smile “You might not have known it back then, but I reckon you were Jealous”

Zayn laughed and said “Maybe you are right Josh” and put his hand on Josh’s shoulder and thanked him again for coming.

 

 

* * *

 

 

At the end of a long night of mixing with old friends, journalists and record company executives, Zayn was ready to go home. He walked up behind Niall, put his arms around him “Ni, I want to go home now” he said resting his head on Niall's shoulder. Niall thinks it is the best thing he has heard in years.

 

 

The End (Almost)

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Epilogue**

_6 months later_

“Fuck”

Niall had four hours before he had to leave for the airport to pick up Zayn. After the track featuring Liam and Niall was a massive hit, the record company kept their promise and released Zayn’s full album. The album attracted good reviews and sold well. Not the smash hit of old One Direction album proportions, but well enough to hit the number 1 album slot and although it was only for one week, Niall could not have been prouder. Zayn was pleased, relieved and pleased. His solo legacy would hopefully be remembered for this album, one he was proud of and not the wreck he released after One Direction finished.

“Shit” Niall said as he once more got sauce all over him. He was trying to cook Zayn a “Welcome home from your tour” meal and had stupidly given Edna the day off. It was fine, he had hours left before he needed to leave but he then heard the front door opening.

“Liam! Thank god, are you here to rescue me from Pasta hell?”

“Not Liam, disappointed?”

 “Zayn, what the fuck are you doing here!?”

“Rescuing you from Pasta Hell by the sounds of it” and Zayn crossed the floor and drew Niall into a long kiss and hugged him for dear life. “I got an earlier flight”

“Missed me that much eh?”

“Yes I did” Zayn replied while thumbing pasta sauce from Niall’s eyebrows “How about we forget the disaster that is this kitchen and move to the bedroom?”

“God yes, we can always get take-out later” and Zayn laughed, sex then food, Niall had his priorities right as usual.

 

* * *

 

 

As they lay in bed, Niall asked “So how long do I get to keep you for this time?” Whilst Zayn toured to support the album, Niall stayed at home, he had the studio to run and as fun as being Zayn’s tour groupie sounded, he needed to stay and run his business. Technology had come along a fair bit since Zayn’s “Skype Dates” with Perrie so they were able to keep in regular contact.

Zayn replied rather nervously “About that, releasing this album and this tour has been amazing. I finally have a solo album I can be proud of and no one can ever take that away from me. But we are getting on a bit for that kind of life”

“Zayn, we are not even 30!”

“Yes, but it feels like I have been in this business for ever. If you will still have me, I would like to retire and come and work with you, you know, writing songs for your company”

“Really? Zayn that would be amazing, but won’t you get bored, it’s not exactly a rock and roll lifestyle”

“I have you, you are a handful enough for anyone, I can’t think of a better way to spend my twilight years”

It was futile of Niall to once again remind Zayn they were still in the flush of youth with many years ahead of them, but Niall couldn’t think of anything better than to spend them with Zayn.

“It’s quite fitting really, I actually named the studio after you”

“Really Niall?” Zayn replied laughing.

“NJH, NH for me obviously and J for your middle name”

“Liam already told me you tried that on him” Zayn said giggling, kissing Niall on the nose.

“Pfft, you and Liam ruin everything”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Comments really appreciated. I have had this story in my head for a long time and just wanted to share it. I hope that the story I was trying to tell shone through any mistakes.


End file.
